Category: Posts

1975 – A good year for creepy children and Corduroy.

As you may already know, I like to look through old catalogs on wishbookweb.com. I genuinely like doing it, so please don’t comfort yourself by thinking that I look at them so I can make fun of them later. That’s just a bonus.

This weekend, my catalog of choice was the 1975 Sears Catalog. It was a good year for catalogs. The plaids, mustard yellows, burnt oranges, and avocado greens were plentiful and the bottoms were belled. Here’s what I found:

Have you ever seen a more depressing image in a catalog? These two clearly did NOT want Winnie the Pooh jogging suits for Christmas.
I find this picture frightening. I feel like these children are threatening me with the way Pooh's head is on the floor and they are eating his innards. And the look on their faces doesn't help, either.
What is this? Some kind of messed up training for future Eyes Wide Shut parties? These are pajamas, not costumes. Children who wear creepy masks to bed should not be marketed to in Sears catalogs. And, if they are the spawn of Satan, you can't even fight them off with fire because the pajamas are flame resistant.

Finally, I was really surprised when I fake turned the page and saw world-famous 1970’s-early 80s supermodel Corduroy featured on the pages.

What he was doing in the Sears catalog, and how they could have afforded him is a mystery. As we all know, he quickly shot to fame and was on the cover of dozens of high-profile magazines.

Until, of course his untimely death – brought down by the excesses of being a famous one-name 1970s supermodel.

R.I.P. Corduroy.

Dear dogs, peeing in the rain is not illegal, I looked it up.

Dear Jenkins and Ed,

While I certainly understand that a gray, rainy, soggy day sucks (I’ve been in a bad mood for a month partially because of the weather), neither one of you will use a toilet. And, if I were to introduce you to the concept of a litter box, you would consider it more a buffet than a bathroom. So, we are left with sticking with what works most other days of the year – you both need to pee and poop outside.

I’m writing you this letter at noon, which means you have refused to pee for well over twelve hours now. You are both boy dogs, you LOVE to pee on things – if you had eHarmony profiles, it would be one of the first things you listed under “likes.” I KNOW you have to pee, don’t look at me like I’m insane when I force you outside.

I would like to remind you both of the following facts:

Jenkins – you lived your first 8-9 months of your life chained outside in someone’s backyard. I’m sure it rained. Several times. Did you melt? No.

Ed – you lived your first several YEARS most likely a semi-feral country dog who has been shot at with bb guns and were most certainly rained on.  While I have applauded your spirit and willingness to rise above your past and become a couch dog many times, I do feel the need to point out that my asking you to not pee in the house is not akin to your homeless rural beginnings.

This is the deal: if you both suck it up for fifteen damn seconds and go pee on the side of the house for all I care (and I know you can do it because I’ve seen it happen), I will stop shoving you out the door every twenty minutes. Then, you can stop acting like I’m twirling my mustache and planning on taking over the world somehow by forcing two spoiled dogs to get their tootsies wet. Those ASPCA ads were NOT made for dogs in your current situation, as much as you’d like me to believe that.



Sincerely,
Carrie

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness: Super Friends S1 Ep16

Season 1 – Episode 16: “The Watermen”

Air date was December 22, 1973

Short Synopsis: Two aliens, Zara and Horo, from a water planet, are extracting silicon from sea water, “turning it from blue to grey.” Those bastards! Their people use silicon for fuel. And this is somehow causing red tide to show up in the places that they are…..arghphflllllarrrb.

This was another painful episode. You know it’s not working and is going to be bad when it’s narrator-heavy: “Wonder Woman takes the toast from the toaster, puts the toast on the center of a plate, opens the utensils drawer and grabs a butter knife. Sensing her toast needs butter because that will make it taste better, Wonder Woman rushes to the refrigerator and grabs the butter. Carefully, and with precise skill, she dips the knife into the butter and spreads the butter on her knife across the toast.” That is a more interesting version of what a narrator-heavy episode is like.

Here’s what the water people look like. Notice Zara can turn her head all the way around like an owl:

Their alien race is technically superior to ours, except for the designing and wearing of pants.

YESSSSS!
Aquaman points.

WTF Screenshots:
Uh, who’s arm and hand is this?

“Put it on full thrutle!”

“Wait, sorry, I meant throttle.”

“Nope, thrutle. Thrutle.”

Wendy sits too close in addition to being a close-talker. And, she’s a giant.

This is Superman using a “Hollywood wind machine” (yes, he went to a movie studio to get it) to remove a ton of starfish from a the corral reef.

Darth Vader chopped off Wendy’s hand.

This is the Super Friends version of how different alien lifeforms will be from humans.
This is real dialog:

Horo: Maybe it’s time for the motorboat and me to play another game of chicken.
Zara: Chicken!?
Horo: I mean “duck.” THEY call it “chicken!”

You almost did me in, Super Friends.
This episode had me rolling my eyes and shaking my head 80% of the time. It was horrible. Horrible. The episode ended with the Super Friends finally catching up to, and finding the water people, easily solving their silicon problem, then wrapping everything up with a game of water polo – because that’s what you do when your alien race had, up to that point, been desperate to get back home. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.

This was the last episode of season 1. Did you know there was almost four years between the first season of Super Friends and the second, which was re-named “The All-New Super Friends Hour?” You didn’t? And you didn’t need to? Oh, shut up.

I have yet to invest in the second season DVDs, so I’ll be taking a break before I dive in again. That break may be a while, so if you feel your heart will be broken if I wait too long, leave a comment and guilt trip me. Example: “Oh, that’s ok, Carrie, you can take all the time you need. The doctor says I only have three weeks to live, but you do what you think is best.” Or, send out a TroubAlert. Nobody will do anything about it, but it may make you feel better.

Goodbye, season one of Super Friends, I’ll always love you best.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, the first season is available on DVD.

Man, I Hate it When That Happens

You’re going about your day, running some errands, and, all of a sudden, a gust of wind simultaneously blows up your skirt and your underwear drops. This must happen pretty often considering there were two different paintings depicting the embarrassing turn of events at the local antique shop:

Obviously, it doesn’t happen to these two very often, as they look completely surprised that the size underpants they chose were so loose, they fell to the floor against incoming winds.

You know the day chivalry died? When these ladies’ panties dropped and neither the construction guy, or the bus driver (OR the painter) offered to take their bag of groceries so they could right themselves. The nerve!

 

This is how Zombie Disease is Spread

We went to some antique shops this past weekend, and I strolled past this beauty, which I would have bought in a second if it wasn’t $30:

Do not ever, ever, accept candy from a zombie. I know this is basic stuff you learn in pre-school, but it’s never too late for a reminder. Also, do not ever, ever, accept candy named “Zombies.” While they may only advertise the coconut, rum, and imitation rum (mmmm), we ALL know what the secret ingredient must be.

You know what’s extra awesome about this? I would be SAFE! Why? Because I hate coconut.

And, in case you weren’t sufficiently frightened – this was an empty tin, which means several people are already infected, or, if it was someone like me with control issues, but loved coconut, one person is already infected.