Category: Posts

To the Person Who Left the Helpful Tip on a Napkin Under My Windshield Wiper

Dear Person Who Left the Helpful Tip on a Napkin Under My Windshield Wiper,

First, I am nothing if not fair and honest. I agree – I could have parked better. My parking job was not to my normal standards. My back wheel was on the line, maybe even a half an inch over. If I had known, I assure you, I would have backed up and tried again. I won’t write a public letter to you and not admit that your note wasn’t entirely unjustified. And, since you don’t know me and my nitpick-y parking jobs 99.9% of the time, I understand why you didn’t go for the more accurate “LEARN TO CHECK AND SEE IF YOU DID A GOOD PARKING JOB.” Regardless, I’m sure it made it slightly more difficult for you to back out of your space. So, on the point that I didn’t park perfectly, we are in agreement.

We are also in agreement about how delicious Chick-fil-A is. That was where the napkin on which you composed your corrective prose was written was from. I like to get the number 5 with a sweet tea. That’s two things we can agree on – Chik-fil-A is yummy and I could have parked better.


I see that on both sides, you struggled to make your pen work. I must admit, the thought of you, fuming, standing over my car, napkin on my hood, swirling your pen angrily, trying to get it to do your bidding, amuses me. I’m assuming you wouldn’t risk scratching your own car angrily swirling away at a flimsy napkin. Or, maybe you did it in your car, in the driver’s seat. Maybe you accidentally honked your own horn a little. That’s even better if that was the case.

I have a couple suggestions – if this was truly a call to action, you should have left the contact information to a local parking school (do those exist?). Or, maybe a nice drawing demonstrating the proper way to park, although I do understand that that was probably impossible considering your ink flow problems. “LEARN TO PARK” is a request, but if you really want to empower me to LEARN TO PARK, a little guidance would be appreciated. Luckily, I do know how to park, and this was just a fluke, so your helpful note could simply serve as a reminder to stay vigilant, or face the wrath of future napkin notes.

Finally, I’d like to make one more point. We were both parked in a hospital parking garage. I had just come back from a gastroenterologist appointment. So, unfortunately, if you were hoping that I would read your note and start crying from embarrassment and humiliation, dabbing my tears with the very napkin that held the stinging message, that did not happen. I already reached my daily limit in the embarrassment department at my appointment. But, that’s really not the point I’m trying to make.

The point I want to make is this: you left your note on the car of a healthy sarcastic blogger who parked bad because she was panicked because she was late (also something I rarely do), but it could have been different. You could have left your note on the car of someone who had just found out they had cancer. You could have left the note on the car of someone who rushed to the hospital because their loved one was in an accident. You could have left your note on the car of a couple who had just lost their baby from a miscarriage. You don’t know. And you know what? I don’t know, either. Maybe you were one of the three examples I just gave, and my parking job was the straw that broke the camel’s back. If that’s the case, I’m sorry.

However, I’d just like to say that I don’t leave notes like the one you did because of everything I mentioned in this letter. Do I drive past a double-parker and assume they are a jackass? Yes. And you know what? If they really are a jackass, they don’t give a shit about any notes pointing out their jackassery. And, if they’re not a jackass, they’re probably having a bad day. The chances that you would actually be enlightening someone who honestly doesn’t know they park bad and would be relieved to be told about it are probably less than the chances of winning the lottery.

All of that is to say: if you are the type to leave obnoxious notes for obnoxious parkers, just don’t do it at the hospital.

Sincerely,
Carrie

P.S. Just yesterday, I was lamenting my lack of blogging material, and Tom told me I needed to leave the house more. So I guess I also owe you a “thank you.” If we ever meet at a Chik-fil-A, waffle fries are on me.

I Knew That Looked Familiar

If you watch The Walking Dead, you know that a mysterious hooded figure with two zombies chained to her showed up at the end of the season finale:

You might have been thinking to yourself, “that looks really familiar, I’ve seen that before, somewhere, but for some reason, when I think about the other place I’ve seen it, I feel the need for a peppermint.” That is completely normal. What you are thinking of is my favorite figurine ever, of which I wrote a blog post about when I was the only one who saw my blog:

It’s exactly the same! Except, instead of a katana sword, she has a giant candy cane, and instead of zombies, she has lil santas. And, after thinking long and hard about it, I STILL think my figurine is creepier. However, with a little magic, I think this probably puts the Walking Dead image in first place:

P.S. If you would like to learn more about my weird lady with two chained Santas figurine, here is the original post.

The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep2A

Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline D – “The Secret Four”

Original Airdate: September 17, 1977

Short Synopsis: We open at the Metropolis Industrial Center, where a multi-million dollar oil refinery has just been completed. Suddenly, the ground splits open, sucking in several vats/structures, then seals itself closed again, contributing to the confusion of East Coast children in the 70s about what actually happens during an earthquake.

Then, four glowing disembodied heads show up, floating over where the refinery used to be. “Beware, this is only the first. The Secret Four has spoken.”

I’ve already got a clue about the identities of The Secret Four – there isn’t a good communicator or writer among them.

They want to force people to use alternate forms of fuel so we don’t deplete our natural resources.

Superman decides this is a job for Superman, Batman, and Robin.

The Secret Four
The Secret Four live in what looks like a Haunted Mansion.

The Secret Four wear their burkha-Snuggies even when they are meeting by themselves in the privacy of their Haunted Mansion.

The Secret Four like to announce ahead of time, in front of God, Super Friends, and everyone, what their next target will be. They announce that “a train, carrying millions of gallons of oil” will be next. The Secret Fours’ identities are secret, but their menacing schemes are not.

The Secret Four then say dumb-ass things like “The Super Friends must learn not to interfere with us…” after they have made a public announcement describing what they are going to do.

WTF Screenshots
This man was so worried, his eyebrows disappeared and then reappeared.

Here’s Batman and Robin being carried off in a big pink tornado. This is how The Secret Four manage to take B&R prisoner.

It was an expensive investment, but worth it.
When The Secret Four get Batman and Robin back to the Haunted Mansion, they explain that B&R shouldn’t bother trying to escape because B&R are in a jail cell, stuck on a platform, and “the floor below you is rigged to fall open at the slightest touch, dropping you both down into a natural pool of boiling tar.”

I know what you’re thinking, but you’d be surprised. It is actually a great investment. The top three renovations you can do to your home which will create the highest profit margins after sale are 1. kitchen, 2. bathrooms, 3. jail cells with rigged floors that fall open to natural pools of boiling tar.


While The Secret Four may make a killing on resale, they didn’t think to check Batman and Robin for suction boots, so they’re shit out of luck for the immediate future.

Who Are The Secret Four?
I know you’ve been dying to find out. Well, you’re not going to believe it!

It’s the industrialists from the beginning of the episode!!!!! Who are the industrialists at the beginning of the episode? Oh, sorry, I didn’t think they were important enough to get a screen shot. Let me just go back…and…here you go:

YES! It was totally them, all along! They didn’t have any lines and just stood around at the refinery opening. Can you believe it!? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I’ll never be the same again.

Yes, Superman just patted Batman on the head like a dog.
“And that’s the last I want to see of hooded figures, except for my good trusty hooded super-friend.”

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Elliott is the George Lucas of Domesticated Cats

My cat is a temperamental director in his own mind. He, like George Lucas, feels there’s always room for improvement, even for the classics. When I watch a movie or television show, this is the set up:

So, oftentimes, Elliott decides that what I’m trying to watch isn’t good enough so he jumps on to the coffee table to enhance my viewing experience. I don’t want to be the only person to benefit from his vision. Here, at long last, is the chance to view TV and movies in the way they are supposed to be seen.

First, the obvious choice: The Empire Strikes Back. In Elliott’s version, you can’t hear it since it’s a blog post, but instead of the recently Lucas-added “NOOOOOO!”, Darth Vader yells “MEOOOOOW.”

Gone with the Wind:

The Walking Dead

The Godfather (I didn’t really feel he added much and that it was an unnecessary change, but Elliott told me to “suck it.”)

It’s A Wonderful Life:

Game of Thrones:

Casablanca:

Elliott told me to tell you “you’re welcome.”

The Calendar on My Wall Reminded Me…

The calendar I bought for 2012 is “Movie Posters from The National Registry of The Library of Congress.” This month’s poster is for Stormy Weather. It was released in 1943 and added to the Registry in 2001.  This movie was on TCM last year on a Saturday morning, and I changed the channel to it just in time. It has a dance routine by the Nicholas Brothers that has to be seen to be believed. It’s just something I think everyone should be aware of.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!