Author: Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd

The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep2A

Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline D – “The Secret Four”

Original Airdate: September 17, 1977

Short Synopsis: We open at the Metropolis Industrial Center, where a multi-million dollar oil refinery has just been completed. Suddenly, the ground splits open, sucking in several vats/structures, then seals itself closed again, contributing to the confusion of East Coast children in the 70s about what actually happens during an earthquake.

Then, four glowing disembodied heads show up, floating over where the refinery used to be. “Beware, this is only the first. The Secret Four has spoken.”

I’ve already got a clue about the identities of The Secret Four – there isn’t a good communicator or writer among them.

They want to force people to use alternate forms of fuel so we don’t deplete our natural resources.

Superman decides this is a job for Superman, Batman, and Robin.

The Secret Four
The Secret Four live in what looks like a Haunted Mansion.

The Secret Four wear their burkha-Snuggies even when they are meeting by themselves in the privacy of their Haunted Mansion.

The Secret Four like to announce ahead of time, in front of God, Super Friends, and everyone, what their next target will be. They announce that “a train, carrying millions of gallons of oil” will be next. The Secret Fours’ identities are secret, but their menacing schemes are not.

The Secret Four then say dumb-ass things like “The Super Friends must learn not to interfere with us…” after they have made a public announcement describing what they are going to do.

WTF Screenshots
This man was so worried, his eyebrows disappeared and then reappeared.

Here’s Batman and Robin being carried off in a big pink tornado. This is how The Secret Four manage to take B&R prisoner.

It was an expensive investment, but worth it.
When The Secret Four get Batman and Robin back to the Haunted Mansion, they explain that B&R shouldn’t bother trying to escape because B&R are in a jail cell, stuck on a platform, and “the floor below you is rigged to fall open at the slightest touch, dropping you both down into a natural pool of boiling tar.”

I know what you’re thinking, but you’d be surprised. It is actually a great investment. The top three renovations you can do to your home which will create the highest profit margins after sale are 1. kitchen, 2. bathrooms, 3. jail cells with rigged floors that fall open to natural pools of boiling tar.


While The Secret Four may make a killing on resale, they didn’t think to check Batman and Robin for suction boots, so they’re shit out of luck for the immediate future.

Who Are The Secret Four?
I know you’ve been dying to find out. Well, you’re not going to believe it!

It’s the industrialists from the beginning of the episode!!!!! Who are the industrialists at the beginning of the episode? Oh, sorry, I didn’t think they were important enough to get a screen shot. Let me just go back…and…here you go:

YES! It was totally them, all along! They didn’t have any lines and just stood around at the refinery opening. Can you believe it!? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I’ll never be the same again.

Yes, Superman just patted Batman on the head like a dog.
“And that’s the last I want to see of hooded figures, except for my good trusty hooded super-friend.”

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Elliott is the George Lucas of Domesticated Cats

My cat is a temperamental director in his own mind. He, like George Lucas, feels there’s always room for improvement, even for the classics. When I watch a movie or television show, this is the set up:

So, oftentimes, Elliott decides that what I’m trying to watch isn’t good enough so he jumps on to the coffee table to enhance my viewing experience. I don’t want to be the only person to benefit from his vision. Here, at long last, is the chance to view TV and movies in the way they are supposed to be seen.

First, the obvious choice: The Empire Strikes Back. In Elliott’s version, you can’t hear it since it’s a blog post, but instead of the recently Lucas-added “NOOOOOO!”, Darth Vader yells “MEOOOOOW.”

Gone with the Wind:

The Walking Dead

The Godfather (I didn’t really feel he added much and that it was an unnecessary change, but Elliott told me to “suck it.”)

It’s A Wonderful Life:

Game of Thrones:

Casablanca:

Elliott told me to tell you “you’re welcome.”

The Calendar on My Wall Reminded Me…

The calendar I bought for 2012 is “Movie Posters from The National Registry of The Library of Congress.” This month’s poster is for Stormy Weather. It was released in 1943 and added to the Registry in 2001.  This movie was on TCM last year on a Saturday morning, and I changed the channel to it just in time. It has a dance routine by the Nicholas Brothers that has to be seen to be believed. It’s just something I think everyone should be aware of.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

 

The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep1D

Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline D – “The Whirlpool”

Original Airdate: September 10, 1977

Before We Begin…
It’s time for “Magic, Part 1.” We see Wonder Woman swing into the Super Friends Magic Theater on a rope.

She tells us she’s going to show us a magic trick (they’re illusions, Wonder Woman) – “The Glass and Coin Mystery.” She puts some paper around a glass, puts that over a coin, then lifts the paper, and the coin is gone!

GASP. She says she’s going to tell us how she did it after the next story segment. No need, Wonder Woman. The animators didn’t draw the coin anymore after the glass was drawn over it. Duh.

The Whirlpool Short Synopsis: “In the wintery North Atlantic, a giant super tanker heads towards Nnnorway [narrator’s pronunciation].” The cocky captain of this vessel is trying to break the “speed record” to Nnnorway despite the terrible weather up ahead. His crew radios for help and Aquaman and Black Falcon are on the case.

Sorry Black Falcon, You’re Up

They run out of the Justice League and Black Falcon lets out a cry that sounds an awful lot like “Leeerooy Jenkinssss!” But instead of “Leroy Jenkins” he yells “Black Falcon,” obviously. I don’t know much about the Black Falcon. Apparently, when he flies, he turns into a fetal lightning bolt.

He can also throw lightning bolts, which can “seal that leaky bulkhead” and then also weld it closed.

WTF Screenshots
Aquaman on his “Aqua Scooter” being a jet ski douche bag. Because he loves the ocean and its wildlife?

Good Ol’ Fashioned Fist Shake

Followed by a Classic Point

Just so you can say you saw it (go on, brag about it at dinner with your friends), here’s the titular whirlpool.

Everything Goes as Planned
This is Black Falcon and Aquaman’s faces crowded into the portal trying to convince the captain to stop acting like a crazy fool.

Then, they get caught in a cargo net.

Then, they get dropped and stuck in the “oil hole.”

Black Falcon gets them out of that situation. Really, all Aquaman has done so far is ask his glowing fish friends to show them where the ship was.

Ok, Let’s Wrap This Up
Aquaman dives under the water to keep the rudder straight and Black Falcon jump starts the engine to the ship, thus diverting disaster. They end the story with everyone laughing about how much of an asshole the captain is and how everyone almost died.

Magic Trick Part 2
Wonder Woman thinks she’s real, y’all, so here’s how she thinks she did the magic trick:

She took a circular piece of paper and attached it to the bottom of the glass, which matches the larger piece of paper the coin is on. So, you see, the coin never actually went anywhere! It had to continue to suffer existing in the Super Friends world. Poor coin.

You know this is going to be good.

Batman and Robin take an afternoon drive to a local farm to buy a snack.

Nuts for you, indeed.

Batman explains to Robin that “Fresh fruits and vegetables are some of the best snacks there are,” as if Robin is an idiot. Shut up, Batman.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.