Tag: Super Friends

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 8, Storyline D – “River of Doom”

Original Airdate – October 22, 1977

Short Synopsis: Did you miss it? I didn’t do one last week because I’m lazy family time is so important during Thanksgiving. So we’re back in the saddle this week for another terrible adventure with a bunch of super losers.

Oh, yes! It’s LADIES NIGHT!

More like River of Va-Va-Va-Voom! (I’m sorry).

“The Amazon Jungle, a green cloak that hides incrrrredible dangers, where three geologists search for valuable mineral deposits vital to the future development of Brazil.” – Narrator

One of the geologists finds this:

And you know, as soon as you see something like that, in a story set in the Amazon, that all cultural sensitivity has flown out the window.

“It’s a burial necklace. This must be sacred Jivaro burial ground!” – Lady Geologist

“The Jivaro are head hunters! We are in great danger!” – Dude Geologist #1

Let’s go ahead and get this out of the way: if you would like to learn more about Jivaro peoples/history, do not refer to this Super Friends episode, for that would be silly. Go here, here, or here. Moving on…

The good: the geologists immediately recognize their mistake, re-bury the necklace, and try to put everything back the way it was.

The bad:

Yeah. The Jivaro throw a net over the three geologists and kidnap them.

Later, at the Hall of Justice

Some dude in a suit tells the Super Friends he’s worried about the geologists.

Rima is there – remember Rima? She is of the jungle and can talk to animals. Now you’re all caught up.

She explains to everyone that the Jivaro are normally peaceful people, “but if they are angered, there’s no telling what they could do.” Way to try and soften the blow, Rima.

 Even more later, back in the jungle

The Jivaro have the geologists sequestered in a hut, and they drew them a picture of how they’re going to punish them:

The geologists also mention piranhas but I don’t think the Jivaro drew any. Ok, fine, here, I drew you a piranha:

He’s wearing a top hat because he has a charity ball he’s attending later in the evening. They aren’t always eating an entire horse in 30 second flat, they have other interests! His name is Paulie and he has a wife (Jasmine) and four kids (Scooter, Brian, Flannigan, and Charade). He’s never met Aquaman but he’s heard some things.

Rima and Wonder Woman land in the jungle, and Rima does her Tarzan Rima Call to get the local animals to look for the geologists.

They find the Jivaros and the geologists freshly tied to a log. “We have to lure the Jivaros away from the log,” strategizes Rima. So, she says she’s going to “cover them with a dust screen,” and then she does this:

=

“Wonder Woman, hurry! The Jivaros have released the log!”

You know who else released a log? The writers.

Follow That Log

As the log rushes down the river, Wonder Woman pursues it in a canoe, followed by the Jivaro pursuing Wonder Woman. In order to slow down the Jivaro, Rima summons the Olympic gold metal Synchronized Alligatoring pair to help out.

You can see why they won the gold. This was before steroids and judge bribery took over the sport.

Wonder Woman saves the geologists, and then everyone gathers around in a perfect union of understanding and helpfulness. The Jivaros now understand the geologists didn’t mean to desecrate their specific grounds – just the area around them, and all is well.

 Health

A young man walks down a deserted road. Superman shows up out of nowhere and asks him what he’s doing there.

Superman tells him that he’s right “not to get involved in the drug scene, nobody with any sense will have any part of it.” Superman just admitted to doing drugs.

 

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 8 – Extra Segments

Original Airdate – October 22, 1977

This week we look at our decoder clues and magic trick.

Decoder, Part I

The decoder clues unveil a word that applies to last week’s story. This one is another strange, unexplained plot involving Batman and Robin.

Batman and Robin are driving around at night. Ok, fine, they must do that all the time since that’s probably when they go on their crime patrols. Robin then says, “boy, I could sure use a good night’s sleep, Batman.” Alright, ok, Robin isn’t up for a patrol, I guess? I suppose Batman can just drive Robin home and-

“There’s a place right there where we can stop, Robin!” – Batman

“I hope the beds are good Batman, I’m ready for some serious slumber!” – Robin.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Are they on a road trip? What is happening?

“Hold on, Robin, there’s something we need to take care of before we check in.” – Batman

Oh, God, what? *puts hands over eyes in horror, peeks through fingers*

“The first clue to the code!” – Batman

Phewwwww.

“The name of the place we’re parked in front of, and I’ll give you a hint, the word’s NOT hotel,” Batman clues.

 Decoder, Part II

Batman looks at some kind of radar something and cheerily declares, “looks like everything’s all clear!” ALL CLEAR FROM WHAT!? The local authorities because you’ve brought a teenage boy to a hotel? What!?

Things get even more odd. “Great! Now, let’s get some rest,” Robin kind of begs.

“NOT UNTIL WE GIVE THE SECOND CLUE TO THE CODE,” Batman testily replies. He really seems to be annoyed at this point.

“Suffering Shut Eye, Batman, I hope it isn’t a hard one!” – Robin

Hard one? HAHAHAHAHAHA *composes self*

“It’s the first four letters of the name of the divisions on the radar screen.” – Batman.

Dear God in heaven up above, now I need a fucking nap.

“Those are called ‘sectors.’ Is sectors the second clue?” – Robin

“The first four letters are you sleepy idiot who wasn’t listening when I clearly stated it was the first four letters.” – Batman

Batman asks Robin if he can stay awake long enough to guess the code word in the exact same tone parents ask their kids if they can hold their pee long enough to get to the next gas station.

Robin yawns and says he thinks so.

Decoder III

TWIST – he couldn’t stay awake.

Batman rouses Robin and demands to know the code word. Robin explains that it is “insect.” Batman then says, “not too bad for someone who fell asleep on the job.” Daaaaaammmnnnn. Then, they both laugh uproariously at Robin’s incompetence.

HA! HA! Robin sucks.

Magic Trick

Magic Trick Time! This week Aquaman will be our magician. Great.

Aquaman is in the ocean – not the specially built magic theater that probably cost a fortune – swimming around aimlessly. Really. He can’t find a sunken treasure and is looking for it with no luck. Then, an octopus takes pity on him and points him in the right direction:

“Thanks for the head!” says Aquaman. Thanks for the head? Is that a thing, I mean other than what you would say after you got a blowjob?

Aquaman finds the treasure and tells us that the trick he shall teach us is called “The Disappearing Coin Illusion.” He puts the coin in his hand, closes his palm, opens it again, and the coin is GONE! Gasp! Here’s how it’s done:

Step two and a half: close your palm and have your finger in contact with the dime. Hover your hand over your fist to buy time, then:

Then, close your hand again and “release” the dime from your nail.

That’s all fine and dandy, but may I remind you, Aquaman, that YOU ARE UNDER WATER. There’s no way that worked.

 

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

 

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 8, Storyline C – “Coming of the Anthropods”

Original Airdate – October 22, 1977

Short Synopsis: “Deep in space, on the outer rim of the galaxy, is a lone, glowing planet…” – Narrator

FILLED WITH BROWN ZORAKS!

“You have been convicted of crimes against insectonian society. You are hereby banished from this planet never to return,” says one Zorak to a bunch of other Zoraks.

Solemn promises of revenge escape the insectonian beaks of the convicted as they are put in a flying saucer and sent away.

“They are no longer our problem. Now let the planet called ‘Earth’ deal with them.” says the jackass leader of the Zoraks.

Now…to the hooligan Zoraks who’ve arrived on earth – their leader is called “Insector,” like “Inspector,” but a pun.

They aren’t as big as I thought. Here’s their size in relation to the windshield of a truck with a missile on it, which happened to drive by right as they arrived on the planet:

It turns out they emit some kind of toxin that turns people into obedient slaves, which they use on the truck driver.

The Super Friends are then alerted to the missing truck with the missile and now the “fun” can begin. Batman and Robin head out to the desert to investigate insectigate.

Go Go Bat Gadget

Batman and Robin notice the insect tracks and immediately conclude they must have something to do with the hijacked truck. Batman gets out his “Infrared Heat Follower” to pick up “heat traces left by the truck.”

I’m SHOCKED. SHOCKED. It’s not called a BAT Infrared Heat Follower. Did he borrow it from someone else? What the hell is going on here? I don’t know who I am or why I’m here anymore.

This case is a dream come true for Batman and Robin

They track down the truck, the missile is missing, and the insect tracks lead into…a CAVE! We all know how much they love their caves.

They hear what I personally swear sounds just like a turkey gobble or chicken cluck, but both agree it sounds just like insects, and happen upon the missile, the servant slave, and the insects:

One of the Zoraks exclaims, “intruder,” and Robin expresses his surprise with a nice, “holy dialog, Batman, those insects can talk!”

They notice the slave-producing toxin and put on their Bat Gas Masks, so now my soul is a little less lost.

The missile, which is unarmed, by the way, ends up going off and heading towards Gotham. Superman easily deals with the missile.

Later, at the Justice League Headquarters

– Aquaman pronounces Washington, “Warshington.”

– Robin seems to have suddenly realized he’s on a TV show and stares creepily into the camera.

– The Super Friends split up to try and find the current location of the Zoraks. Zan and Jayna stay behind for what I can only pray are off-camera hijinks.

The Maison Energizer?

The Zoraks end up at some military base where they think a weapon is housed that will get them revenge.

The “Maison Energizer,” according to the scientists at the base, is “the greatest scientific advancement since the laser.” It rearranges molecules or something and can “change useless deserts into lakes,” or, “transform rocks into fruit trees.” And bees into chocolate bars and hair clippings into rainbows!

The scientists are surprised by the insects and are turned into servant slaves. If only they had enough time to turn the insects into letters of acceptance from an Ivy League school. Or something.

Um.

At the headquarters, Zan and Jayna are alerted that an alarm was triggered at that military base, and they decide to check it out themselves. Yay.

Jayna turns into a camel, and Zan is water in a barrel strapped to Jayna.

Since it’s super hot in the desert, and Gleek is thirsty, he then takes a mason jar, and scoops up some of water-Zan to drink. Zan then somehow gets to have the shape of his arm, and uses it to snatch away the jar full of himself that Gleek was hoping to ingest.

“Sorry Gleek, I’m not for drinking.”

It was like a bizarro communion.

OMG She’s Useful!

The Wonder Twins and Gleek arrive at the base and see the Zoraks preparing to leave with the Energizer. They alert the other Super Friends and decide to leave with the insects so that they don’t lose track of them.

JAYNA TURNS INTO ONE OF THE INSECTS. Wow. Finally, her superpower can actually be specifically applied to the emergency at hand. Zan? Oh, yeah, he’s water in a flask that has to be carried around by a monkey.

“The Super Friends brave intolerable weather in a desperate search to find Insector and the Wonder Twins.” – Narrator

Ok, weird detail, but whatever. Jayna-as-insect gets word to the Super Friends that the plane is landing in the Amazon. And, everyone starts calling Inspector Inspect-A for no reason.

And Now is the Time…

during the third storyline of most episodes, when everything quickly begins to unravel into a let’s-throw-everything-we-can-think-of-into-the-plot confusing stew of chaos.

– Batman, Robin, and Aquaman are in a boat on the Amazon river and are sunk by an insect-created avalanche.

– They are then attacked by crocodiles.

– The Wonder Twins deactivate, which gives us this lovely screenshot:

– During their efforts to stop the Maison Energizer, Wonder Woman and Superman are hit by it’s ray, turning them to stone.

– Batman, Robin, and Aquaman end up in the Amazonian pyramid the insects are in, and Batman vacuums up some of the Zoraks with the Bat Vacuum, just like so many of us do around the house. How relatable.

– Then, Aquaman traps a bunch of them in a giant clam shell. Not quite as relatable.

“For a while there I thought I was going to be the man of stone instead of the man of steel” – Superman, reminding everyone of his better-than-everyone-else nickname.

– Superman takes all the exiled insects back to their planet.

The End.

P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 8, Storyline B – “Initiation”

Original Airdate – October 22, 1977

Short Synopsis: “Late at night, in a remote mountain area, The Bear Club drives their van through the lonesome pines on their way to the final and most dangerous part of initiation for one of it’s new members.” – Narrator

First of all, “lonesome pines?” Go back to hippie town, liberal arts poet Narrator.

Second of all, The Bear Club? and Bear Club initiation? The Bear Club has changed a lot over the years. Now it’s about collecting teddy bears. I wonder if this episode had a lot to do with the change in focus.

The Bear Club seems to be quite exclusive, there’s only three members and then the new guy, Jeff. Phil is the ringleader. The other two didn’t have names so again, I’ve proved one for them.

They’ve driven Jeff to a cave and told him he has to get a picture of “Ol’ Slowpoke,” who “couldn’t catch his own shadow.” Jeff, who is worried about wandering into a dark cave and startling a bear with a camera flash, is assured that everything will be fine.

I Can’t Believe It! Taking a Picture of a Bear in a Pitch Black Cave Didn’t Turn Out Well!

Now, we ALL know what Jeff’s problem is: he didn’t eat breakfast.

Nope, this can’t be a sweet simple story about a kid being eaten by a bear.

Noooo, The Wonder Twins have to be involved.

The Wonder Twins are in the middle of a camping trip. We see Zan struggling to open a folding chair with requisite funky “waa-waa-waa” music in the background. This is mercifully cut short by the Trouble Alert about stupid Jeff and Ol’ Slowpoke, the hero of the story.

The Wonder Twins (and space monkey Gleek) find Jeff cornered in the cave by the bear. If you were someone who could change into the shape of any animal in the face of immediate danger from a grizzly bear, what form would you choose? If you chose anything other than a gopher, you’re a fucking idiot.

Because, DUH, you would need to be a gopher to dig a moat around the bear so your brother, who takes the shape of water, can then put himself in it, keeping the bear from getting to Jeff.

Even though bears love the water and Ol’ Slowpoke would have waded right through that shit.

LESSONS!

Jeff makes it out alive, and Phil, who must have been exposed to radiation during the cave scenes to grow a mega long giant super-arm, apologizes to Jeff for putting him in danger.

And there was no mention of eating a proper breakfast! What complete negligence on the part of The Wonder Twins.

P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.