I’m going to give you something because my blog is about 15 months old.

My blog turned one year old in September. I didn’t do anything about it because I’m just as bad about blog anniversaries as I am about other kinds of anniversaries. I kept thinking about needing to make a post about it and then I didn’t do it.

So now I’ve decided to celebrate that Cannibalistic Nerd is roughly 15 months old (I’m too lazy to actually figure it out). So much has happened over the last 15 months – I caught up on Downton Abbey, I’m pretty sure I had the biggest zit on my face ever (it had three levels), and I ate fried girl scout cookies for the first time. A bunch of other stuff happened but those are the real highlights.

Most importantly, though, I’ve met some great people and have enjoyed reading their blogs and conversing with them over Twitter and other such social media media.

While I write about a lot of stuff (ALL IMPORTANT), the thing I do every week is make fun of The Super Friends. While I’m pretty sure my deathbed regret will be that I spent so much time watching and writing about this show, for now, it’s what I do.

To commemorate 15 months of whatever the hell all of this is – I’m going to give two of you  something.  The first name I draw (from the comments) will get to pick one and then the second name is stuck with wins the other. If you are a grown adult who doesn’t like superhero memorabilia (weirdo), just say so and I will spare you.

One of the things is these magnets:

Notice they swapped out Aquaman and Robin for Flash and Green Lantern – why ever would they do that?

Wanting to display your enemy list on the fridge but don’t have a magnet to get the job done? Well, now’s your chance to strike fear in the heart of your enemies if you have them over to your house. They’ll see their name on the list, then see you have the help of a superhero to strike them down. Just in time for Christmas!

Or, are you a more private person and like to keep your enemy list in a discreet location? Then this mini-lunchbox is for you:

To enter to win one of these two groundbreaking prizes, all you have to do is leave a comment. You can make up a fake wonderful memory about me, or share what super power you would choose, or just type “farts;” pretty much anything other than telling me not to give you a prize will make you eligible to win.

And then, a week from today, I’ll draw the names, and two of you will have your lives changed forever because I remembered my blog has been around for over a year.

In conclusion, it’s been a fun 15 months – here’s to however many more months I feel up to it!

And the winner of the giveaway is…

Frankly, I’m shocked at how many people loved and wanted this thing:

I would say, “there’s no accounting for taste,” but coming from someone who watches The Super Friends every fucking week, I think it would be a little hypocritical.

After getting down one of my mom’s million and a half baskets (she owns more baskets than any other human I’ve met), and putting each entrant’s name on a post-it note and folding it in half just so, Tom pulled out the winner’s name. Congratulations to Amy of Lucy’s Football. You will be receiving this prestigious award in the mail this or next week.

To all of you who didn’t win, I know that with time your hearts will mend and your tears will dry. Remember that life isn’t about material possession, but about what the shell poker game trinket represents – ample supply of beverages and cheating in retaliation of not being offered one. Let’s never lose sight of that.

I’m having a giveaway! I didn’t say it was something good.

It’s a shell-abration! I’m very conch-ious of what my readers want, and enough of them wanted the chance to win something without having to spend a (sand)dollar. Specifically, they said they wanted this:

I jokingly said I would give this away as a punishment, but enough of you weirdos wonderful people told me you must have it, so I went back and bought it. The lady I bought it from told me they were really popular, and I kept my “you’re shitting me” to myself since I was also buying it and it wouldn’t make much sense to exclaim my shock. She also showed me that some of the shell creatures are cheating:

What a story it tells! Layer upon layer of character development. For example, why do only two of the creatures have a Diet Coke? Were the other two not thirsty? Were they not offered a drink? My imagination dances with the possibilities. Fun fact: the two cheaters are the ones without a beverage. What could that mean!?

There’s even more rich history to this amazing specimen. I was given the box it came in and some old newspapers to protect it, but in packing it back in, some of the cards came loose and I had to glue them back. So it’s kind of like I made it myself, for you. And, since the cards may fall off again, I’m adding a second prize!

I know, it’s almost too much to handle. Just try to breathe.

Seeing as how this amazing cheaply made fragile treasure is so special, I want you to WANT it. I want you to request that you be buried with it when you die, or build it up in the minds of your family members so that they fight over it when you die. I want you to do crazy things like tell people not to look directly at it.  I want it to have a stocking at Christmas, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas. I want whatever room you keep it in (if not in a safe deposit box) to be called the “Shell Poker Game Trinket Room,” and I want you to charge admission, and I want there to be a red velvet rope at the door. I want, when you get it and it inevitably has some cards unglued, to scream at the heavens, fists in the air, tears streaming down your cheeks, yelling “WHYYYYYYYYYYY!” Or, don’t. I can’t really tell you what to do with it once it’s yours. Those are just suggestions.

My point is, if you seriously don’t want it, I don’t want to burden bless you with something you don’t want. But, I love comments like Pac-Man loves little white pellets, so I don’t want to keep you from leaving a comment. I’ve decided to add a code word that will exempt you from the drawing that will reveal the chosen one whose task it will be to guard this treasure with their life (again, just a suggestion). That code word is “beautiful.” So, if you DON’T WANT THIS PRICELESS ARTIFACT, use the word in your comment. For example;

Wow, that thing is beautiful, I really hope I win it.”

See? Easy, straight-forward, no confusion.

If you DO want it, just leave a comment using any word/s in the English language other than “beautiful.” Then, I will randomly choose a name and change someone’s life forever. You have a week to leave a comment.

I will try my best not to break this thing before then.