I Need to be More Like The Muppets

You know those days when you wake up, and the sun is shining, and it’s November, and it’s not too hot and it’s not too cold, and you decide to check your e-mail on your phone from the comfort of your warm bed – and there’s a turd of an e-mail sitting in your inbox. And that e-mail says, in coded language, “I just woke up, being the sour person I am everyday, and decided to take it out on you.” And then, another person responds to that e-mail and says, in coded language, “Yeah, and I’m going to back them up because I’m also quite the pill.” And then that once promising day turns into a rage/depression combo day. That was yesterday.

The day before yesterday, Tom and I went to see The Muppet Movie (not the new one, the first one in 1979) at a movie theater on the big screen. It was so great – I’ve seen the movie several times, but was too young to see it in the theater when it came out. As with many people from my generation, The Muppets are very important to me, and so was Jim Henson.

The Muppets are amazing. They are genuine. They are quirky and unique. The weird ones embrace their weirdness, and the less weird ones appreciate the weird ones with affection and true friendship. They apologize to each other. They are not petty and vindictive – their flaws are human and forgivable. But, it isn’t all about “lessons” – there are jokes, they don’t take everything overly seriously, and other than the fabulous Miss Piggy, it’s never “all about them.” Then, like a cherry on top, they actually have two characters whose sole existence is to ridicule them (Statler and Waldorf). To someone who abhors over-sentimentality, this combination is absolutely perfect.

The Muppet Movie can have one of the sincerest songs ever written, “The Rainbow Connection,” which, if sung by a human, would be sappy and hippie dippy, but when sung by a frog in a swamp with the voice of Jim Henson, makes me want to cry just thinking about it…

And, it can have Steve Martin waiting on a frog an a pig on a date.

Basically, the best of both worlds.

I remember where I was when I found out Jim Henson died. I was in a mini van with my family in Ahoskie, N.C. – where my dad was from, visiting my grandma. Jim Henson had actually been in Ahoskie – a very, very small, obscure town – about a week before, visiting his father and step mother. When you find out that Jim Henson was in the tiny town your dad grew up, visiting his own dad, the world seems a little smaller, and the world of The Muppets a little more possible, even with the loss of their creator.

What The Muppets do so well, and what I need to do better, is they don’t deny that there’s crap in the world, or even that an e-mail can make a day go off its rails. They live in a world of true setbacks, and even some genuine assholes (the villain doesn’t come around to their point of view), but they also don’t let those things dictate the kind of day they’re going to have (but they let themselves feel bummed, too), because ultimately they are the ones who control whether to make the best of something or let it get them down. And, then, just before everything gets too sunshines and friendship, you hear:

Statler: Hey look, Waldorf, it’s a frog and a pig.

Waldorf: Yeah, looks like they’re in love.

Statler: Yeah.

Waldorf: Kind of makes you sick, doesn’t it?

Both: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

In conclusion, I love you, Muppets. And I hope to God your new movie is good and does you justice.

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep8

This is part of my weekly Saturday Morning installment dedicated to archiving and commenting on the wonderful “what else can we put in here to make it an hour” ridiculousness that is the cartoon series, Super Friends.

Season 1 – Episode 8: “The Androids”

Airdate was October 27, 1973.

The Super Friends consist of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman, and Robin. Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog are the “Junior Super Friends.” They haven’t made partner yet. They also have no super powers other than Wonder Dog’s ability to almost speak.
Short Synopsis: Some astronauts try to take off to the moon but fail and crash, mysteriously survive and leave the rocket, and Dr. Rebos has left a recorded message that this is a demonstration of his impressive skills (so, the standard nonsensical grandstanding). He demands that all space exploration end, because he thinks we have enough problems to focus on here on earth. Basically, the played out don’t-agree-with-space-travel-so-you-build-androids-to-look-like-other-people-and-sabatoge-the-space-program scheme. There were a lot more actual jokes in this episode than previous ones.

First Acknowledgement of an Alter-Ego

Clark Kent is assigned to cover the next space trip which is good because Superman can also keep tabs. Here he is invading everyone’s privacy while in the company of an awesomely 70s scientist.

Aquaman has Friends, and Don’t You Forget it.
“Aquaman sends out telepathic waves to his undersea world. A school of fish, ALL OF WHOM ARE HIS FRIENDS, stop foraging for food, and, following Aquaman’s instructions, begin gathering seaweed.” – Narrator

WTF Screenshots:
Even sea creatures couldn’t get away from macramé in the 1970s. This is a swordfish weaving with seaweed:

Ok, see if you can follow – this is a screenshot of the villain, pretending to be a reporter, getting a picture taken with Wonder Dog, to whom he has bestowed the fake and prestigious “Dog of the Year” award, but receives a “Cat of the Year” plaque, because that’s all the store had:

Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog, who, you may want to sit down for this, ended up stuck with the villain, are “held prisoner” in the villain’s PLAYROOM:

“Slides and swings? That Rebos must think we’re six years old.” – Marvin

Shut Up, Batman

“Is the chicken soup fresh?” – Batman, ordering a snack from the disguised villains.

Superman Never Has Thin Eyelashes at Home

“I’ve got to glue on these eyelashes real tight, that trip to Mars is a long way.” – Dr. Rebos, while gluing fake eyelashes onto Android Superman. Because, after all your hard work building an entire life-like android of Superman, you don’t want this to happen:

“Are you kidding? That thing wasn’t Superman. Did you SEE his eyelashes? There was no volume, and we all know Superman is the king of butterfly kisses. More like Schmuperman.”

No Comment.
“I think I’ll just hold on to you, double, until you run out of juice.” – Superman, to himself.

Last week, a reader sent me this great link. It’s a defense of Aquaman in song form. Pretty great: Aquaman’s Lament.

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD.

Conversation Piece Conversation: Bustier Lamp

Conversation Piece Conversation: Bustier Lamp

In order to save you money, I create conversations for the ebay conversation pieces so that you can enjoy them, move on, and spend your hard earned money on refrigerator magnets or rubber bands.

A homeowner and a fireman stand outside a house ravaged by fire.

Homeowner: How? How did this happen?

Fireman: Let me show you where the fire started. (Brings homeowner into house) There’s charring around this spot, here, near a wire frame that looks like half an hourglass.

Homeowner: Oh, man! That was my bustier lamp! Awww, look, a few of the beads at the top survived. You should have seen it, it was really sexy. I could have fit into it if it wasn’t a lamp.

Fireman: Ok.

Homeowner: Now I have to find a new house AND a new bustier lamp. That’s just great.

Fireman: Good luck.