Ed the Dog – Fashion Innovator

Do you think fingerless gloves are weird and don’t fit your needs? Do you want to have your palm read by the fortune teller but want to protect yourself from germs? Do you want to keep your fingers and the back of your hand covered but still want to feel your own skin against the warm face skin of the person you’re slapping?

Ed the Dog has the solution for you! Introducing, just in time for Christmas, the amazing Palmless Glove (TM)! No more hassling to remove your glove to jerk off. Now, you can spy on your neighbor in the bushes, jack off, and still stay warm!

Palmless Gloves will revolutionize winter high-fiving. Get a pair for Grandma (better grip, less falling down the stairs!) and a pair for yourself!

Right now we only have the prototype, which was found on the living room floor, lying there like a money-making angel. But, if there’s enough interest, Ed is more than willing to do his part to be sure that everyone who wants a pair can have one under their Christmas tree this year.

While in the picture, it doesn’t look like he’s very proud of his creation, and it may make you think that Palmless Gloves are not as awesome as they seem, I assure you, he looks like that most of the time, particularly when he’s being held. He’s a maven, an innovator, an accessory genius. The little shit.

I Can’t Believe I like Grease 2

Grease 2. Man, what a bad movie. But for some reason, every time I’m flipping through the channels on TV and it’s on, I have to stop and watch at least some of it. Why it’s on TV all the time is a different issue. This movie is directed by the choreographer of the original Grease; I looked in the credits, and this is just a theory, but maybe the problem with Grease 2 is that it was not choreographed by the director of the first Grease. Whatever the reason though, boy does it stink, but it’s one of those bad smells you get used to after awhile. The main reason I like this movie so much is because it is very nostalgic for me, I saw it on HBO tons of times when I was a kid. You know, back when HBO would play a movie over and over again within a month (that was a joke, they still do that). I would have never been cool enough to be a Pink Lady, not even a Grease 2 Pink Lady. Grease 2 gave me a chance to get a glimpse into a world that doesn’t exist in the first place. The first Grease does that too, but it wasn’t on HBO twenty times a day when I was seven.

Grease 2 picks up where the first one left off, and all of the most endearing and beloved characters from Grease are back: Eugene, Frenchie, the Coach, and that teacher with the drug problem. Out of all the returnees, there is one that I think everyone can agree is the most touching: that fifty year old guy with the acne scars that for some reason still has a rivalry with high schoolers. With these oldie but goodies are the new sets of T-Birds and Pink Ladies, and Michelle Pfeiffer plays the lead Lady, Stephanie. She bites into this juicy role with the enthusiasm of someone making ends meet by being in a sub par sequel.

For the first five minutes, everything is okay, but then a newcomer arrives and shakes up the delicate balance that the Birds and the Ladies have worked so hard to achieve. That newcomer’s name is Michael, and he’s…..British. He also has glasses and wears sweater vests, which just add to his instant nerd status. You would think that since he is related to Sandy (from Grease), he would get a free ride, but you would be sorely mistaken. He does have a connection, Frenchie, who takes him under her pink wing to explain to him the rules of a world he could never know. You see, Michael sees Stephanie, played by Michelle Pfeiffer (in case you still don’t believe it), and falls for her instantly. But that match made in heaven is not to be, for as Frenchie tells us, Michael is far too homely to become a T-Bird, which is a prerequisite for being the boyfriend of a Pink Lady.

Luckily, there is a light in the distance: for somewhere in this legal mumbo jumbo, it states that above mentioned A (Michael) can become acquainted with, and pursue a romantic partnership with above mentioned B (Stephanie), if and only if the subject of the first party agrees to overhaul his/her personality in exchange for acceptance of his/her advances by the subject of the second party. This can be summed up by Stephanie herself: “I want a Cool Rider.” I don’t want to spoil the ending, but I will just say that Michael does indeed become a Cool Rider, and he and Stephanie end up happily together.

You may say: “This sounds exactly like the plot of the first Grease.” Well, let me just tell you smarty pants, it’s not. One, Sandy was Australian, Michael is BRITISH. Two, Sandy was a girl, Michael is a GUY. Grease 2 happens a couple of years AFTER the first Grease, and there are completely different songs in Grease 2. And, if you still have your doubts, may I remind you that Grease 2 was directed by the CHOREOGRAPHER of Grease, so therefore is a lot WORSE than the first one. So, it is very easy to see why this movie holds such a special place in my heart, and I highly recommend it if you have nothing else to do, and liked it a long time ago when you were a little kid with bad taste.

What guilty pleasures do you have?

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep11

Season 1 – Episode 10: “The Ultra Beam”

Airdate was November 17, 1973.

Short Synopsis: Two guys (Hank and Ben) decide to “ruin all the gold in the country” and do so by flying around in a blue jet and making it worthless with a blue laser, somehow. They want to do this so people stop “wasting their time and energy acquiring gold.” They can turn gold into any other metal, somehow. And, this is all, of course, very misguided and not very thought out, leading to problems that the Super Friends somehow, miraculously, solve.

Unfortunately, this episode did not have nearly as much screwing around and too much excruciating detailed exposition by the narrator.

Super Friends is Highly Technical
“Weird blue beam of light.” – The scientific description for how Hank and Ben extract gold.

And how do you stop a weird blue beam of light? With a “heat barrier” squirted out from Wonder Woman’s plane. Duh.

Seismographic Bureau
If you learn anything from Super Friends, you’ll learn about the more obscure non-existent government agencies. The Seismographic Bureau’s headquarters look pretty much like you’d imagine it.

WTF Screenshots (Mostly brought to you by the animators this week)
The villain’s sidekick gets around on bouncy moon-boots – because he’s short, according to him.

Marvin, you have something on your face.

Breaker one, this is Fatman, got your ears on, good buddy?

Robin was originally slated to star in Back to the Future

Here’s Batman, who has either had one of his arms amputated, or is picking a wedgie, which, considering the outfit he wears, is entirely possible.

Superman goes to some other imaginary institute and borrows a giant mirror from some sort of 1970s troll.

There’s gold in them there underwater caverns and they’re already in convenient bar shape.
Did you know there is a vast reservoir of gold bars under water? Well, there is. They’re there for safe keeping so Aquaman has something to do. Kind of like when you give a toddler a video game controller with no batteries in it.

Shut up, Batman.
“Hello, blue jet projecting blue beams, come in, please, this is Batman.” – Batman on his CB radio.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, the first season is available on DVD.