Category: Saturday Morning Ridiculousness

The All-New Super Friends Shenanigans Round Up S2 Ep1A – “The Brain Machine”

In case you don’t know what I’m doing, here’s a recap: I find the Super Friends cartoons of the 70s and 80s hilarious, and I’ve recapped every episode of the first season and am now starting on the second.

Guess what? The All-New Super Friends Hour is split up in to 4 different, separate stories. This allows me to milk an episode for much longer than the first season. This is both a relief and cause for concern. I don’t think there will be as much unnecessary arm wrestling this time around, but hopefully I will be spared play-by-plays of Superman checking the mail (ok, that didn’t happen but may as well have). Let’s get started:

Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline A – “The Brain Machine”

Original Airdate: September 10, 1977

Short Synopsis: “On the outskirts of Gotham City, strange experiments are taking place.” Dr. Crainum has a brain machine, which advances man’s mental evolution by a million years. He tries it out on himself and becomes an extra-super genius. Note that this laser treatment does not regrow hair:

He now has the power of telekinesis and better head reflecting abilities. He decides to “borrow the huge dish antennae from the Metropolis Institute of Technology” to beam his smart rays on everybody.

It’s just the opening credits and already Aquaman looks as useful as a member of The Go-Go’s.

And, no, Super Friends, you can’t just make super heroes who can’t fly able to just because it would be cool to see them flying through space during the opening credits.

“Compared to me and my mental powers, you are all super weaklings.”
Batman, Robin, and Wonder Woman decide that this is the job for them, for some reason. So they go to the Metropolis Institute of Technology and are greeted by Dr. Cranium with the above quote. Four years since season one, and some things never change:

Narrator: “Later, after freeing themselves…” and he even says it in this embarrassed-for-them way, too.

WTF Screenshots
Oops, look who got hit by the brain beam!

Batman and Robin confuse Wonder Woman by sending a dozen “inflatable dummies” that look like Robin careening toward WW in bumper cars. Where in the hell did they get twelve blow-up Robins in such a short amount of — you know what, never mind, I don’t want to know.

In the end, they change Dr. Crainum back (after Wonder Woman gets changed back), the brain machine gets dismantled, and everything is right in the world again. As far as I can tell, they managed this because of dumb luck super strength and prowess.

In preparation for next week: Wonder Twins 101
This is the beginning of the Wonder Twins era. The Wonder Twins are Zan and Jayna, and they have a pet monkey named Gleek. To explain their powers, I’m going to quote directly from Wikipedia, because it made me laugh: “The Wonder Twins powers are activated when they touch each other and speak the phrase, ‘Wonder Twin powers activate!’ This phrase is unnecessary and just a habit of theirs.” I have the same habit whenever I come in contact with anyone. I get very strange looks.

Here’s an updated version of the Wonder Twins:

This is the version we’ll be dealing with:

Zan can turn into any variation of water, Jayna can turn into any kind of animal, including animals from other planets as long as she knows the names of them. I think Zan drew the short straw as far as usefulness goes, but we’ll see. He does have the best superpower if he’s trying to trick you into thinking you’ve peed yourself.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Look what came in the mail yesterday.

I had a little peek of this season on YouTube to see if it was worth continuing the Super Friends posts and within 5 minutes Wonder Woman was tied up in her own lasso, Robin was hanging by his cape in a tree, and Batman was stuck in a barrel. So I figured the answer was yes.

I only hope it lives up to the first season. It has big shoes to fill, particularly considering this headline from the first season’s DVD:

Here’s some leftover examples of how the first season of Super Friends changed animation heroics forever:

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness: Super Friends S1 Ep16

Season 1 – Episode 16: “The Watermen”

Air date was December 22, 1973

Short Synopsis: Two aliens, Zara and Horo, from a water planet, are extracting silicon from sea water, “turning it from blue to grey.” Those bastards! Their people use silicon for fuel. And this is somehow causing red tide to show up in the places that they are…..arghphflllllarrrb.

This was another painful episode. You know it’s not working and is going to be bad when it’s narrator-heavy: “Wonder Woman takes the toast from the toaster, puts the toast on the center of a plate, opens the utensils drawer and grabs a butter knife. Sensing her toast needs butter because that will make it taste better, Wonder Woman rushes to the refrigerator and grabs the butter. Carefully, and with precise skill, she dips the knife into the butter and spreads the butter on her knife across the toast.” That is a more interesting version of what a narrator-heavy episode is like.

Here’s what the water people look like. Notice Zara can turn her head all the way around like an owl:

Their alien race is technically superior to ours, except for the designing and wearing of pants.

YESSSSS!
Aquaman points.

WTF Screenshots:
Uh, who’s arm and hand is this?

“Put it on full thrutle!”

“Wait, sorry, I meant throttle.”

“Nope, thrutle. Thrutle.”

Wendy sits too close in addition to being a close-talker. And, she’s a giant.

This is Superman using a “Hollywood wind machine” (yes, he went to a movie studio to get it) to remove a ton of starfish from a the corral reef.

Darth Vader chopped off Wendy’s hand.

This is the Super Friends version of how different alien lifeforms will be from humans.
This is real dialog:

Horo: Maybe it’s time for the motorboat and me to play another game of chicken.
Zara: Chicken!?
Horo: I mean “duck.” THEY call it “chicken!”

You almost did me in, Super Friends.
This episode had me rolling my eyes and shaking my head 80% of the time. It was horrible. Horrible. The episode ended with the Super Friends finally catching up to, and finding the water people, easily solving their silicon problem, then wrapping everything up with a game of water polo – because that’s what you do when your alien race had, up to that point, been desperate to get back home. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.

This was the last episode of season 1. Did you know there was almost four years between the first season of Super Friends and the second, which was re-named “The All-New Super Friends Hour?” You didn’t? And you didn’t need to? Oh, shut up.

I have yet to invest in the second season DVDs, so I’ll be taking a break before I dive in again. That break may be a while, so if you feel your heart will be broken if I wait too long, leave a comment and guilt trip me. Example: “Oh, that’s ok, Carrie, you can take all the time you need. The doctor says I only have three weeks to live, but you do what you think is best.” Or, send out a TroubAlert. Nobody will do anything about it, but it may make you feel better.

Goodbye, season one of Super Friends, I’ll always love you best.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, the first season is available on DVD.

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Season 1 Episode 15

Season 1 – Episode 15: “The Planet-Splitter”

Airdate was December 15th, 1973

Short Synopsis – Jewels is disappearin’! It’s only diamonds over 100 karats, and they’ve narrowed the list down to 4 other jewels in danger of being stolen. A guy named Dr. LaBond and his assistant Wilbur need the diamonds to “derive” their “special powers” to make his planet-splitter work.

The Super Friends decide to track the last three diamonds with a “micro dot.”

This was a pretty awful episode. Most of it was driving and flying around, the (very poorly told) story of Superman’s origins, and Wendy and Marvin arguing with the villain to just please drop them off in any American city after they get stuck on his space ship.

WTF Screenshots
This is a gorilla winning a kewpie doll at a circus carnival.

Here’s the County Museum of Art – lots of priceless shit here.

Here’s a lady who forgot to wear her pants to the County Museum of Art.

I think this is a perfect summation of everything about Super Friends.

Wendy and Marvin’s Parents are Idiots    
Superman flies away and abandons Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog at the circus (they went there to protect a giant diamond, which if you know anything about Super Friends, you know it was still stolen anyway). Robin finally mentions that he hasn’t seen them around in a while, and Superman assures him that he totally left them to fend for themselves and he’s sure they’re having a wonderful time.

They end up in fucking space.

Wendy and Marvin become the grandpa from The Princess Bride
While on the space ship with Dr. Labond and Wilbur, Wilbur asks Wendy and Marvin to tell him the story of Superman. Dr. LaBond says it will be a long ride home, so go ahead. We then spend about a third of the damn episode in a flashback, watching Superman’s dad argue with a bunch of bureaucrats about what to do to save the people of their planet.

Then, we see baby Superman scaring earthly bureaucrats, making them pawn him off on the Kents because they don’t want to be responsible for him. Which, when you think about it, is pretty terrible.

Superman makes sure no one is left out and also that that the villain almost ruins two planets.
Superman, Batman, and Robin all arrive at the hidden lair after tracking one of the “microdotted” diamonds. Robin ask if they should go in, you know, because it’s an emergency, and Superman says, “Wonder Woman and Aquaman are just arriving, we’ll wait for them.”

“If Superman’s your idol, then you better not break up a planet. He won’t like it.” – Wendy

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, the first season is available on DVD.

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep14

Season 1 – Episode 14: “Gulliver’s Gigantic Goof”

Airdate was December 8, 1973.

Short Synopsis: Dr. Gulliver plans to shrink everyone in the world “down to an economical, convenient size” except for himself, and his cat, Igor. But animals and children aren’t affected by his miniaturizing ray because of the difference in metabolic rates. Please don’t ask any follow-ups about that, I’m only the messenger.

Yes! Villain with a Cat!

This is the Peter Lorre-like villain, required for every animated series ever.

Aquaman, Super Hero
Aquaman finally does something helpful, but it doesn’t involve being able to chat up dolphins and manta rays.

Only One More Point Before Total World Domination, or Something.
Robin points! Aquaman, I’m looking at you…

WTF Screenshots
Batman holds two itty bitty astronauts. I want one!

You can’t go tiny with out a matchbook – it’s the law.

I’m not sure what the hell is going on here.

You knew where this was going. It is the only logical conclusion.
Yes, ALL of the Super Friends are shrunk.

Wonder Woman flailing around in a bowl of milk.

If you ever needed more proof that the Super Friends are incompetent, then here:

Shut Up, Batman.
Batman and Robin have just been shrunk down to about 2 inches tall. This, they take in stride, but when Dr. Gulliver announces that they’ve arrived at his castle, Batman exclaims, “A CASTLE!? IN AMERICA?!”

Enter the Green Arrow.
Super Friends have fucked up so bad, Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog have to come to their rescue. Who do they call? Green Arrow. Why? Because all the other super heroes are unreachable due to their participation in “a space mission, too far away for us to call.”

And guess what happens to him within a minute of showing up? Yep. And this is what’s in his glove compartment. Matchbook, spool of thread, coins and paper clips. It’s like he KNEW he was going to shrink.

Super Friends Speak the Truth.
“You’re no help to me bottled up like a bunch of pickles.” – Green Arrow

“But people don’t want to be two inches tall. Or one inch. Or whatever YOU’VE decided to make them.” – Superman

And now, a preview of the much anticipated “The Dark Knight Rises.”

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD.