I accidentally named my blog after a Japanese serial killer.

I have no excuse. I didn’t Google “Cannibalistic Nerd” before I named my blog that. Why? Because I didn’t think to. Why? Because I live in a world where the words “cannibal” and “nerd” just aren’t usually in the same sentence. As someone who’s been accused (by Tom) of “loving” serial killers, I also either should have heard of him and this nickname, and/or known better and searched to make sure there were no serial killers with the nickname. Because these are the kinds of things I do worry about and look up. Why I failed myself this time is beyond me.

I had planned on putting a link to him, but it’s terribly upsetting (seriously), so I decided against it. But I’ve given you the key to finding him. Just look up “cannibal nerd,” like I didn’t.

So, I have a blog that happens to kind of share a nickname with a serial killer. What’s a girl to do? A pros and cons list, duh.


  • He also had lots of other nicknames, which were more popular than “Cannibal Nerd.” Eventually, if we can’t allow overlap for serial killer nicknames, there will be no way to name blogs anymore.
  • Inevitably, someone would have gotten that nickname. At least it’s over with.
  • “Cannibal Nerd” isn’t exactly like “Cannibalistic Nerd.” Although, cannibal_nerd is my exact Twitter name.
  • I like how “Cannibalistic Nerd” sounds! It has a nice rhythm to it. It’s got a great beat and you can dance to it.
  • I already named it that. To name it something else requires some minimal effort and I am quite lazy.
  • He’s dead.


  • I named my blog after a serial killer.
  • He’s like the worst one in Japan. Everybody hated him.
  • He somehow got the “nerd” part of his nickname because of his huge collection of porn. Bad porn. I’ll just leave it at that.
  • If I ever become a serial killer, I don’t want everyone getting confused.
  • If I ever get murdered by a serial killer, I don’t want everyone thinking I had it coming.

What does everyone think? Should I change the name? Here’s a brainstorm on possible other names:

Carrie the Pen Gripper
Buffalo Quill
Blog of Sam
The Mad Blogger of Kingsberry Run
Blogston Strangler
I Hate Prostitutes
Ted Bundy


How to Tell a Girl You Like Her OR Leave Me Alone – You Can Decide Later!

Tom (my husband) and I are going through a lot of old stuff, trying to stem the tide of becoming pack rats. We’re about to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, and were together for six years before marriage. So, a lot of our “old stuff” is also shared memories. Tom, who is much more of a paper pack rat than me, is going through boxes of paper, and it’s been quite fun finding things I thought we never kept. More on that later, though.

Tom and I knew each other in high school, and became best friends when I was a senior in high school and he was a freshman in college. We were best friends for a year before becoming a couple. This year was the fun “what does he think of me, does he like me, does he know I like him?” era of our relationship. And by fun I mean torturous – I can’t stand ambiguity.

In going through my old stuff, I found the first thing I remember Tom ever getting for me. Trust me, I like weird stuff just as much as the next person, so it’s not that I didn’t LIKE it, it’s more that in obsessively trying to come up with what it could mean, I was very perplexed. So, I present to anyone who would like to give a gift that says “I got this for you. It may be because I recognize and appreciate your off-kilter-ness, or it may be because I’m trying say I’d like to give normal gifts to other women, buddy.”

Nothing says "I got you a rubbery half snake/half lady" like a rubbery half snake/half lady.

In retrospect, I of course realize how lucky I am to have found someone that would get this for me, put it in a little cardboard box, decorate it, and give it to me for no particular occasion. And I appreciate it that much more because of its context and the hilarity of me obsessing over what it could “mean.”

Nice one, future husband.

P.S. And it’s a good thing she doesn’t have any nipples cause she’d totally be nip slippin’ after 16 years of her tube top slowly sliding down.

Sometimes my “Imagination” is Staggering

I’m a pretty rational person. But I also like to over-think things, roll them over and over like a crocodile. I tend to think of every scenario, every possibility, and still end up knowing and realizing that the most rational conclusion is the right one, but my mind still likes to go through the motions.

Sometimes, though, the wires get crossed and my brain starts at the furthest, “most imaginative” (i.e. stupidest) conclusion. And it usually happens for things that wouldn’t cause me to start the obsessive mulling process because the answer should be entirely obvious.

Yesterday, I was putting away laundry (yes, my life is exciting), and in my dimly lit bedroom, I saw two marks on the inside of my arm. Two nice, lined up marks about a half inch apart. The very first thought that entered my mind was:

“Oh my God, I’ve been bitten by a vampire.”

Not, “huh, what is that.” Not, “are those bug bites?” Not, “let me go to a well lit area and see what that is.” Nope, I had been bitten by a vampire.

Now, mind you, a split second after that thought, my thought was “are you fucking kidding me, brain?” But, still, that is the first thing it offered up and that’s frightening to me.

And it turned out, it was ONE puncture and ONE freckle. I’m pretty certain the puncture is from the cat, who scratches me so much I rarely even stop to register it.

And now you see, that if a vampire would to have bitten me, it would have been a one-fanged, tiny, incompetent vampire, who goes for the inner arm and not the neck, nor anywhere near any veins. And, on top of all of that – I didn’t notice it.

Thanks a lot, brain. And, I’ve even been pretty good to my brain – rarely any drinking, no drugs, etc. So there’s really no excuse.

Another example is way back when the movie Hook came out. The night after I saw that movie, I was roused from my slumber and noticed a small pinpoint of light on my pillow. My first thought was that it was Tinkerbell. And no, I’m not so young that it was adorable. I was like, 15. It was light coming in through the blinds. Like it always fucking does.

I suppose literal sleep and putting away laundry could make my brain go into sleep mode and these thoughts are the moment when one moves the mouse and the screen saver goes away. But, still, I can’t help but shake my head in disappointment.

Has anyone else not been bitten by a vampire?

The Gremlins Cost Us Disney Re-Releases

Tom asks me what I’m watching on TV. I was watching Gremlins, as any well-rounded person would be.

Me: Look, they’re showing Snow White and the Seven Dwarves at the movie theater. Remember when they used to do that, re-release Snow White on a regular basis?

Tom: How do you know that Snow White was re-released in 1984?

Me: Nobody is acting like it’s odd that Snow White is the only movie playing there.

Tom: Yes, but the theater is also filled with Gremlins, who don’t exist.

Me: True. BUT, the Gremlins were given a chance to see a classic on the big screen and it’s a shame that it doesn’t happen nowadays.

Tom: Yes, because the Gremlins ruined it for the rest of us – look how poorly they’re behaving.

Me: Well, then they should re-release Gremlins to teach us all a valuable lesson about needing to be on our best behavior so that we can all see Snow White in movie theaters again. And while they may be showing it on TV, there are way too many options on cable for enough people to see it and really get to think about…

Tom walks into kitchen to re-heat pizza.

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep3

Season 1 – Episode 3: “Professor Goodfellow’s G.E.E.C.”

Airdate was September 22, 1973.

The Super Friends consist of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman, and Robin. Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog are the “Junior Super Friends.” They haven’t made partner yet. They also have no super powers other than Wonder Dog’s ability to almost speak.

Short Synopsis: Machines start operating on their own. It turns out a dude named Professor Goodfellow has invented the world’s biggest computer, whose purpose is to “free mankind of all physical labor, brainwork, and responsibility.” It’s called “G.E.E.C” – Goodfellow’s Effort Eliminating Computer. Mr. Huggins, some random guy representing the government turns down PG’s “gift” to America – so PG offers G.E.E.C.’s services to the world for free. Everyone becomes fat and lazy (this episode would work perfectly as a prequel to WALL-E). The whole thing falls apart because Goodfellow leaves a freakin’ sandwich in the mainframe and a mouse gets in there and ruins everything. For reals.

Shut Up, Batman
“We can guess why you’re here Mr. Huggins – weird things are happening.” – Batman, ever astute.

Is This Something to be Shocked About? I Dunno, Flip a Coin.
After the Batmobile starts driving itself, it takes Batman, Robin, Superman, and Amanda Hugginkiss to a large compound surrounded by humongous robots:
Giant Robots
Robin’s response: “That’s the biggest building I’ve ever seen!”

Wonder Woman-Hemingway
Wonder Woman calls robots “ro-butts.” She also looks eerily like Mariel Hemingway to me:

Superman is Keenly Aware of How Busy He is.
“This is probably the busiest day of my life.” – Superman

Yes, but he definitely takes his down time seriously:

Oh, no, Superman, don't get up.

WTF Screenshots
This is Wendy, Marvin, Batman, Mr. Huggins, Robin, Wonder Dog, Professor Goodfellow, and Superman on what looks like a pontoon boat on wheels, touring the giant computer. Professor Goodfellow explains that even actors and athletes won’t have to work, as they’ll be replaced with robots. This is the part of the computer that covers all of the world’s “theater” needs.

Attend the tale of Sweeny Bot.

Professor Goodfellow never has to lift a finger – he can have whatever he wants when he wants. When the Super Friends visit him, it’s his lunchtime. This is the contraption he uses to order his meal, which has 4 amazing options:

Deus ex Matrimony

Allegedly, all the Super Friends have communication rings so that they can constantly ask each other for help when they screw up. However, earlier in the episode Robin had to use a CB radio to contact Superman and the only two they actually SHOW with the rings (on their left hand ring fingers) are Batman and Superman.

Oh, no, I can’t be in The Justice League, but when someone needs to get a mouse out of the largest computer in the world, all of a sudden Plastic Man is everyone’s best friend.

Yes, that’s right – Plastic Man makes a cameo and saves the day because only he could get through the “tube” that leads to the mouse. I will say this about the episode: what would normally be a highly mock-able plot point for anyone else – complete concern for the safety and welfare of the mouse in the face of the entire world falling apart – gets nothing but kudos from me. All he wanted was a sandwich and some cheese, and isn’t that what we all want in this life?

It's your world and I'm just a mouse trying to get some cheese

So, Plastic Man saves the day, and Wendy decides to keep the mouse as a pet.

Everybody wins. Except for all the people involved in plane crashes and other G.E.E.C.-related mishaps, of course. But if they aren’t going to dwell on it, neither will I.

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD. This is an affiliate link.