Writers note: This segment was actually plot-heavy. It was still stupid, but really packed with “stuff” – where if I skipped something, other things wouldn’t make sense. So, don’t be surprised when I get progressively grumpier.
Season 2, Episode 2, Storyline C – “The Mysterious Time Creatures”
Original Airdate: September 17, 1977
Short Synopsis: On the planet Krono, or something, light years away, a race of alien beings discuss whether they should conquer all the worlds they encounter or not. The appropriately named “Dicktor” thinks they should. The opposing view is that “The element krononium, in this medallion, with it’s power to move time forward or backward, has kept our citizens eternally young. We must continue to use it only for good.”
They put it to a vote and everyone but Dicktor votes not to act like Dicks. Dicktor is displeased. That pants-less dude was the president, I didn’t catch his name, it flew by so quickly and was so stupid. Dicktor gets his hands on the medallion and starts causing trouble. The medallion works like a novelty squirting flower, but instead of water, it squirts time, aging the president to an old, still pants-less man.
President Nopants says he has a little krononium in his escape vessel and will create a new medallion to defeat Dicktor, then flies off in his rocket towards Earth, with Dicktor’s fleet following behind. The Super Friends are alerted and then, ugh, I’m so tired. This was all in the first three minutes. I miss Wendy and Marvin screwing around on their bikes.
Wonder Twins Powers, Craptivate!
President Nopants was whisked away to Aquaman’s fancy undersea lab, which he clearly never uses, to work on the new medallion. Dicktor tracks them down, and The Wonder Twins must protect what’s-his-name.
Jayna pushes ice cage Zan toward Dicktor, the plan being to trap him in the cage. But, Jayna is pushing too fast and the “friction is melting” Zan. Jayna then slips in the puddle of Zan she’s making because she’s melting him, and then they end up like this:
Pretty much what you’d expect to happen between a billy goat and an ice cage. Zan makes a crack about getting Jayna’s goat, which prompts Jayna to utter her catchphrase: “Spacey Zan, real Spacey.” I hate everyone and everything. The only thing that will make me feel better is if Dicktor uses the medallion on the Super Friends.
De-coder Part II
The special word was medallion. The “med” from the first clue, combined with this boy’s name and what he’s doing in this picture (he was yawning and his name is Al). I’m back to the hate, even though I just found out I am smarter than Robin, who had a real time trying to guess the word.
And oh, great, here comes Zan and Jayna again.
They end up in Dicktor’s underground lair/rocket ship along with the Super Babies, and have to save the day themselves since the kiddies aren’t getting along.
Jayna makes her way to Headquarters where she spells out a message on the computer to Batman and I find out it’s spelled “Dictor,” not “Dicktor.” Batman puts Jayna in his utility belt (in the “bat belt mouse compartment” to be specific) and off they go, back to the underground ship. At the ship, everyone gets their age fixed, blah blah blah.
Oh my God, why won’t it stop.
Dictor gets to Pres. Nopants, and reduces him to a pile of ashes.
After an hour, according to Dictor, Nopants will be irretrievable. Dictor then gets away and heads back to his planet. Batman uses his make-up kit to disguise himself as young Nopants to fool Dictor. Dictor turns around and comes back to Earth. There’s then a stupid fight in space, and Batman lugs a life-sized version of himself up there to trick Dictor. It was a “hollow inflatable dummy with Camos’ dust inside.” Camos is Nopants, I’m assuming.
Batman and Robin must spend a fortune on inflatable versions of themselves.
Camos is restored to power, and all is right with the universe. Naptime!
If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.