Yesterday was a dreaded day. It was a day I hat to put my cat in a carrier to get him to the vet.
He’s now 14 years old, and he’s definitely mellowed in his old age. I’m not sure if it’s slightly easier to get him in his carrier now because of that or because we’ve perfected the two-day, multi-stepped process of accomplishing it.
My cat is an asshole. And by that I mean that he has had us hiding in closets before. So, when it’s time for him to go to the vet, I have a little anxiety.
Here’s the process:
1. The night before – clip his front nails (he will not allow back nails)
2. Get carrier out of closet, hide it in closed bathroom (it has to be in a very small room so he has nowhere to go if I miss on the first try), propped up against the wall with the door already open.
3. Wait overnight for him to forget that he saw me get his carrier out.
4. Next day, pretend there’s nothing up until time to make my move.
5. Say a prayer, and grab him, hopefully while he is relaxing in an easily accessible spot.
6. Briskly move to the bathroom, scruffing him and weathering the thrashing.
7. Hold on for dear life as he sees the carrier; shove him head first into it, adjusting the placement of his legs as he tries to straddle the opening.
8. Apologize once he’s in there, because he will eventually be out.
This time I sustained very minor injuries – no blood!
We made it to the vet, bonus points for bringing one of the dogs, too. The vet visit went fine, which is a huge improvement – this is the big area where you can tell he’s gotten older. Young Elliott would have screamed and hissed a lot.
Once he gets back into his carrier (which, when at the vet, is like an upscale resort he can’t wait to get back to), we drive home. And, after about three minutes of realizing the next stop is home and out of the carrier – he starts to yell at me. So the ride home is usually me singing along to loud music while he tries to be heard. This time was no exception.
28 thoughts on “I Feel like My Cat is a Face Surrounded by Knives, and that’s What Matters”
I LOVE the picture diagram you made! Your cat kind of sounds like an evil genius…
Thanks! And he is an evil genius. Eeeeevil.
I’ve gotta get one of those carriers for my short people, yo.
Yeah, that’s THE big difference between pets and kids – you can’t crate the kids.
That diagram made me laugh. Out loud even.
I love that you were singing Journey at the top of your lungs to drown out the kitty screams. Is that your version of payback for him attacking you? Seems like appropriate torture.
I think me singing anything is appropriate torture for anyone. Journey (and that’s not even Journey, it’s straight up Steve Perry concentrate) is a guilty pleasure.
It to us four days to get our cat to our new house…four days, four stitches, two shirts, and too much blood. We finally had to put him in a super tall box throw it in the trunk and go! We moved out of town and he hissed and ripped the crap out of the trunk. Horrible! Maybe our cats are related?
They very well could be. My cat is a fighter but then luckily (VERY lucky considering you move!) he generally resigns to his fate once he’s actually in the enclosed space.
Wait, did he attack you when you let him out?
How does the story end?!?
No! That’s the thing, he’s perfectly fine the moment he knows the vet visit is over. That, or all the shots subdue him. He actually needed a steroid shot this time, so we were really worried about Mad Cat Roid Rage, but that didn’t happen either. Happy ending!
My 75-pound Lab also hates the vet. When I lift him into the back of the minivan, he’s been known to pee on me. I now also bring a change of socks, shoes and pants.
I’m pretty lucky that my vet trips are pee-free. Especially since it would really hurt if it ran into my open wounds.
Picture made me laugh. I don’t get cats. You pet a dog, he’s your friend for life. You pet a cat, they purr and act all cute, and then without warning, try and slice your face off. Is there some sort of petting countdown that starts as soon as you touch them?
I think so. Also, they do not like to be petted on the sides or belly. My husband has never learned this despite too many bites and scratches to count.
Wow, you’re brave. I don’t even try to get my cat in a carrier anymore. I shove in her a laundry basket and throw a blanket over it.
Now there’s an idea…but he’d get loose in the car and kill us both.
Hah! That sounds similar to my cat – I never used a carrier until he started peeing on me every time we got into the car. So now, he pees in the carrier. Hissing/punching is a given.
I love it when people accept their pets for who they are – does this rescuer’s heart good! Not that I WISH anyone being peed on, hissed at, or punched.
I was thinking that your cat sounds like a total badass, and then I read that he pretty much has the same name as me and it all made sense.
HA! He was named after a building on my college campus. Thanks for the follow!
reminds me everytime i bathe my dogs. i have to wear my battle gears (jacket and pajamas) before going to the battlefield.
I am deeply thankful everyday that cats bathe themselves.
It has been two months since I took my kitty in to be neutered. I am still paying for it. In blood.
His brother is next but I am scared.
I need a vet that makes house calls and arrives in body armor.
Thanks for the laugh:)
Thank you for stopping by! I’m very close to looking into a mobile vet, but then I worry that I STILL have to catch him since he hides when people come to the house…I just don’t see a bloodless scenario.
Post = hilarious all by itself.
“Straight up Steve Perry Concentrate” = genius.
Well, I wanted to be very clear about how ashamed we should all be of me.
I love that you chose to rock out to “Foolish Heart” in this scenario.
That’s literally what happened.