Category: Saturday Morning Ridiculousness

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 11, Storyline D – “Attack of the Killer Bees”

Original Airdate – November 12, 1977

Craft Segment

Batman and Robin show us how to make a “two way phone.” After arriving home at Wayne Manor following an afternoon of crime fighting or something, Batman and Robin find an already-set-up craft station. Huh?

I think we’re all aware of the shitty two-cups-tied-together “phone” craft so I’ll spare the details.

 

Short Synopsis: “The vast plains of Africa, where wild animals and man live together in peaceful coexistence.” – Narrator

Unfortunately, a fence can’t keep out a swarm of killer bees. This swarm chases people from a distant crop into the village and into a hut.

 

Aquaman and Samurai are “near Africa.”

Yes, they are “near Africa.” And we wonder why so many people think Africa is a country.

Aquaman says that they have to hurry, and tells Samurai, “I’ll meet you in Africa.” COME ON.

Aquaman swims to Africa, and as we’ve previously learned, Samurai can turn into wind, so he winds there, or blows there, or breezes there, or whatever.

 

A plan’s just not a plan without a breach of personal space.

I had a very hard time paying attention to the plan Aquaman and Samurai came up with because this is how they were standing while they were planning:

Is he sitting in Aquaman’s lap? What is going on here? They were on a cliff overlooking “Africa,” watching the bees swarm around the hut, so that’s why they’re both facing the same way, but the closeness, the closeness…

Anyway, the plan is for Samurai to anger the bees in wind form, lead them to “the river,” where Aquaman will be waiting, and then he’ll lead the swarm into a net that’s tied between two trees overlooking a waterfall with sharp rocks at the bottom. Aquaman hoped aloud that when he dives over, that he makes it past the rocks and then I hoped that he wouldn’t.

The net, if this were real life (a real life where superheroes exist), would have led to the death of Aquaman if Aquaman is not impervious to bee stings:

Oh, wait, I stand corrected. Apparently killer bees are the size of small birds:

I’m learning so much about bees! Did you know they also “chew” through huts to get at villagers? It’s true!

Somehow this stupid plan works.

The bees are then “taken far back into the back country where they will cause no harm.”

And the small African village of Africa is safe again. Hooray!

Health Segment

A girl flying a kite at the park trips and falls and scrapes her elbow. Aquaman emerges from a nearby pool to help administer first aid.

Y’all, I think Aquaman may be homeless and he stays in this same swimming pool when he’s not on duty.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

 

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 11, Storyline C – “Exploration Earth”

Original Airdate – November 12, 1977

Short Synopsis: Some big orb in some little town lands and everyone is wondering what it is. All of a sudden, vacuum arms emerge and start sucking up citizens and vehicles.

But before we get into the plot I will discuss Gleek’s bath in depth.

We cut to the Hall of Justice – Gleek is running away from Zan and Jayna. Zan catches him and says it’s time for his weekly bath. He shoves Gleek into a tub:

Jayna then mockingly tells Gleek to “take it like a monkey,” and then…this is hard for me to talk about…then, Zan turns into water and enters the bathtub and Jayna turns into a horse to wash Gleek with her tail.

Why would this happen? Why would they do this? Why would Zan want to bathe a monkey with himself? How clean can you possibly get that close to a horse’s ass? I would question why Gleek is still dressed but that would have only made the whole thing worse.

“Looks like Gleek is squeaky clean,” exclaims Aquaman, observing the exact opposite of what has happened.

Now that we all know what happened maybe we can pool our money and go to group therapy together.

Mercifully, the Super Friends are alerted to the people-stealing orb and the plot moves on from this nightmare.

The Bore of the Worlds

As you can see, the invading spacecraft look a lot like the ones from The War of the Worlds, and they scoop people up in similar fashion.

Batman and Robin and Superman try to stop the spacecraft and they all suck at it. Superman discovers that it is partially made from Kryptonite so he can’t even go near it (this is a lie, as you’ll see). Point is, these things are indestructible. Here’s some images of the Super Friends not stopping them:

How embarrassing:

Superman laments that he can’t help because he can’t get near the ship (another lie), so Wonder Woman saves him like it ain’t no thang.

The Crying Game

Ok folks – time to guess, based on the two forms Zan and Jayna take, what the emergency is and how they solve it. Answer at the bottom:

Hint: it involves a kid on a bike.

She’s not bad she was drawn that way.

BAD ANIMATORS! NO!

This is just one example of very poor face animation. Superman looked like a different person in every scene he was in.

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind

Superman concludes that he must visit the planet the spaceships came from in order to convince them to stop harvesting people. This is a good idea even though their ships have kryptonite in them and they could then render him completely more useless.

There’s all this talk about how big the aliens must be. “They must be 50ft tall!” assumes Aquaman.

Superman arrives at the planet and is greeted via video phone by one of the aliens, who look a lot like Shrek. See the giant doors!? They must be HUGE!

 

Dulliver’s Travels

Yeah, them things were little.

They secured him with “kryptonite cables,” which means they held him long enough for me to get that screen shot. He then uses his heat vision to cut a beam from the ceiling, which falls, snapping the cables. I’m getting the sense it wasn’t so much the kryptonite as it was Superman likes being tied down, as you would think the kryptonite would keep him from using his heat vision and such.

He then takes a “duplicate lander” back to Earth to stop the first lander. EXCUSE ME? What was all that talk about not being able to get close to the lander because it was made from kryptonite? I’m getting the sense that it wasn’t so much the kryptonite as it was Superman being lazy and not wanting to help Batman.

Stop getting all up in my planet.

Superman arrives with the second lander and then starts a cat fight with the other one.

Superman eventually wins and the aliens are humbled and learn a lesson. zzzzzzzzzz

Wonder Twins “Brainteaser?”

There was a kid on a bike headed straight for the lander. Zan became a glacier to do this:

And then Jayna became the condor to catch him:

I know I’m no superhero, but I suspect that a simple, “hey kid, bike the other way!” may have been just as effective.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 11, Storyline B – “Cheating”

Original Airdate – November 12, 1977

Safety Segment

Aquaman is teaching this young man a special skill:

NO YOU PERVERT, he’s teaching him how to expel water from his lungs. Sheesh.

Short Synopsis: “In the local countryside, just outside of Mid City, athletes from the neighboring high schools are about to start their annual cross country race.” – Narrator

Three teenagers discuss hoping to win and the guy with the “F” (for foreshadowing) brags that for sure he’s going to win.

A man who looks like what would happen if Obama and Telly Savalas had a baby who grew up to hold the world record for “Longest Index Finger” starts the race:

F is for Foliage hides behind some bushes while the others run past, the cheater.

No, they did not give this dude a name. 

F is for Fearless Cheater arrives at a gorge, where he has either followed the cheater’s code of “be prepared,” or he has happened upon a rare grappling hook bush.

As he crosses the gorge, he looks below and sees two stranded kids:

F is for Fuck Stranded Kids decides that someone else will surely help them and stays focused on his cheating plan.

“Knowing that if he rescues them, he will be exposed as a cheater, Jack continues with the race.” – Narrator.

JACK! Why didn’t y’all say that in the first place (the first place Jack wants to cheat his way to).

Ugh, it’s time for The Wonder Twins to enter the picture.

They are alerted of the missing boys and head out to the area. Jayna REALLY has a tight grip on Gleek’s butt this time:

They can’t find the kids and a storm rolls in with heavy lightning. No, unfortunately The Wonder Twins are not struck by lightning.

Jack wins the race and announces he’s the best (at cheating), and Zan and Jayna show up asking if anyone’s seen the kids.

Jack has a guilty conscious after he sees lightning strike in the area he knows the kids are at, so he fesses up.

The Wonder Twins find the boys, who are in immediate danger because a flash flood is heading for them.

Now we play a game.

As suggested by Christian of Point Counter-Point Point Point, try and guess how The Wonder Twins saved the boys based only on what they morphed into (answer will be at the bottom):

The lesson is…

Jack is disqualified and says he learned something more important than winning: something about self respect.

Personally, I think the lesson is that if you cheat, you will save at minimum two children’s lives.

 

 

And the answer to the “riddle” is: Zan became an Ice Dam to stop the flash flood and Jayna became a kangaroo so that she could hop the boys to safety:

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

 

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 11, Storyline A – “The Fifty Foot Woman”

Original Airdate – November 12, 1977

Short Synopsis: “Surrounded by the vastness of the barren desert, lies the secret laboratory of professor Amy Zahn.” – Narrator

We see professor Zahn take a beaker of blue stuff and poor it into some red stuff and then it becomes all red stuff.

“Soon, women will be as strong as men! We will no longer be the weaker sex!”

Dammit, didn’t we JUST go over this? All aboard the misguided faux feminist train, toot toot!

Her (female) assistant tells her that women don’t need physical strength to be equal to men and Professor tells her she’s living in a dream world.

This was about the time that doping became such a serious problem in the scientific community.

Just like The Incredible Hulk, Professor Zahn shows us that when you grow to gigantic size, your clothes will become tattered but will not actually be ripped from your giant body:

What’s the first thing she does? Evil laughs. Just does A LOT of laughing. She now finds everything funny.

The assistant warns the Super Friends.  Wonder Woman tells her to try and find an antidote and she and Batman and Robin will track the professor down.

Please stop saying “streak into action,” narrator.

That’s quite enough.

Wonder Woman takes her invisible jet and Batman and Robin take their visible jet to some place they seem to magically know the professor is at.

“So, women are the weaker sex! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Professor Zahn exclaims joyfully. She is in a REALLY good mood, y’all.

 

What’s the plan?

“Try to distract Professor Zahn with your invisible jet. Robin and I will put our bat plan to work!” – Batman

First of all, how about the VISIBLE jet be the distraction? Second of all, a “bat plan” is like a regular plan, but extremely shitty and goes wrong immediatly, apparently:

She then tells Batman that he’s perfect for her next experiment: to see if the formula will work on a man, too.

HOLD UP. Why would you want that? That would just make him as big and probably stronger than you. I thought the point was that you wanted to be stronger? For a professor she’s a real dum dum.

She decides that some scientific research ship (which is right nearby) is the perfect place for her experiment.

Now that Batman’s out of the picture…

things are running much smoother. Wonder Woman sends Robin to buy some time at the ship while she flies out to pick up the assistant and the antidote.

How does Robin distract her? Let’s say that the ship is a cookie jar, and Robin is a cookie. She sticks her hand in and then gets stuck.

Wonder Woman then returns with the assistant and the antidote and Professor Zahn is made normal again.

Oh, Good, Lesson Learned.

“I guess I’ve learned that physical strength is not the measure of equality, it’s strength of character that’s important.” – Zahn.

So, so true. All right everyone, let’s pack it in and — what’s that? Wonder Woman, you want to add one last thing? Ok, then.

“Besides, at fifty feet tall, you wouldn’t be able to find anything in your dress size!”

Mother. Fucker.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 10, Storyline D – “Alaska Peril”

Original Airdate – November 5th, 1977

Short Synopsis: “Alaska – a frozen frontier, where an expedition of environmental scientists travel deeper into this uninhabited region than anyone has ever traveled before.” – Narrator

We see two vehicles which don’t look to be equipped for that kind of terrain – one has the three important people (Professor Dalton and his two assistants) and the other one has a couple of nobodies:

The important people even have fur lined coats and the other ones don’t.

A loud roar echoes through the area, and, as the smart environmentalists they are, they head straight for it.

They drive around and then, there, really hamming it up and chewing scenery, is the super roar-y Abominable Snowman.

He picks up the car, Professor Dalton falls out, and then takes off with his new found friends.

The Professor presumably gets a ride with the other car and manages to get in touch with the Super Friends.

Later, at the Hall of Justice

“A 40 ft. abominable snowman has taken my two assistants and disappeared into the Alaskan wilderness!” And you thought you were having a bad day!

Apache Chief, this week’s special guest, informs everyone that he’s “familiar with the creature.” Now THAT is a story I want to see – how did Apache Chief run into a Yeti?

Batman and Robin will join him, and Batman reassures the Professor that they “will leave immediately.”

He wasn’t joking, they didn’t even stop to get their coats.

Layers, Apache Chief, layers.

Way to track, dudes.

They come across a giant footprint and decide to follow the trail.

Apache Chief, the nakedest of the trio, will track on the ground while Batman and Robin will follow above in their nice, warm helicopter.

Yeahhhh, they walked right past it.

Yeti Spaghetti gets the upper hand on them. He puts down the car (NO THE LADIES DO NOT TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO ESCAPE) and starts hurling pine trees at them.

He lands a blow to the batcopter. What are they going to do!? They’re in a tailspin, rapidly approaching the ground. Duh.

The Bat Cushion is great! The best part is, it can safely absorb the impact of a helicopter crash but doesn’t disturb the wine glass I placed on it.

 

“Later, after repairing the batcopter.”

All three take a copter ride to look for Yeti Spaghetti. They eventually find him in a river. He has placed the car on a little glacier.

Apache exclaims, “quickly, I know how to stop the beast!” And then he fucking jumps out of the helicopter.

He safely lands feet first on a little glacier, grows to Yeti’s size, and then he and the Yeti start rough housing in the water (if there were a lifeguard there would be so much whistling).

Batman and Robin save the ladies while those two struggle. Then, Apache Chief gets Yeti in a bear hug. According to the narrator, Apache supposedly spoke the animal’s language and convinced him to give up the fight. But by the look on Yeti’s face, it seems more likely to me that the whole thing had just gotten so awkward he didn’t want to stay.

More proof I’m right? In the last scene, Apache Chief tells everyone Yeti was only protecting his environment, and the Professor says he wishes the Yeti knew that was their intent, as well.

Batman says, “Perhaps he will, someday.”

Why doesn’t Apache Chief just tell him? I thought he could communicate? My awkward hug theory is looking better by the minute.

Health Segment

Basically, there’s been a terrible car crash, and a young girl tearily explains to Batman and Robin that her boyfriend had been driving drunk and goes into tragic detail of what happens. And, in the background, the hilarious wacky Super Friends music plays. It’s pretty weird.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.