Category: Saturday Morning Ridiculousness

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 10, Storyline B – “Handicap”

Original Airdate – November 5th, 1977

Short Synopsis: Oh, you guys, this one’s a doozy.

“Deep within the heart of a tall, forbidding mountain is the hidden lair of the most brilliant, most dangerous woman on earth – Medula!” – Narrator

All the single ladies! She’s using a “computerized will booster” to “control the mind of every woman on earth.”

“Soon, women everywhere will enable me to rule the world,” growls Medula. Then, she puts on a beautifully coordinated headset and begins taking over the minds of women. The women’s eyes turn bright, too, and then they start zapping away the men!

All the men are transported to Medula’s lair (via “matter reversing circuits”), and Medula gives them the what for: “You men are looking at the future ruler of Earth! With my will booster, I will force women all over the world to de-materialize all men, including your presidents, kings, and prime ministers! YOU WILL ALL BE STORED ON COMPUTER TAPE UNTIL I HAVE CONTROL OF THE WORLD!”

This is almost exactly what I imagine people who don’t like feminism imagine it to be.

“Medula’s computer transforms the men into microdots, storing them on computer tape.” – Narrator

 

Superman did what, now?

Now, let me make sure I get this right. We’re shown The Wonder Twins and Superman at the Hall of Justice and they’re admiring a statue of Superman.

It is, according to Zan, “a statue of you from the people you saved at the Doomvile Flood!”

So they sent Superman a statue, but later Superman says HE PAINTED IT. We’ll get to why he mentions it later, but can I just say: why would you paint a statue of yourself that a bunch of grateful people from a place with the unfortunate name of Doomville gave you? Why? YES IT HELPS LATER, but he wasn’t anticipating that. So, he was just like, “Oh, how nice, someone cast a beautiful statue of me. Hmmm, I don’t have anything else to do, I think I’ll paint it.”

Alright, alright, we’ll move on, but ONLY BECAUSE I GET TO TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

OMG Y’ALL

The Super Friends are alerted to the terrible mantastrophe – and, holy shit, you won’t believe this you guys – TODAY HAPPENS TO BE THE DAY OF THE “GOTHAM CITY PARADE OF WORLD LEADERS”

Can you believe it? I guess this episode was a real wake up call and they stopped having giant parades of nothing but world leaders around 1977.

Next we arrive at the Gotham City Parade of Wold Leaders and the completely thinkable happens: all the ladies start zapping away all the menfolk (but being very respectful of parade security and barriers).

Yeah, they’re of great concern, but I find the creepy blue shadow people more ominous and scary.

The Super Friends hold a conference to explain they don’t know anything.

They gather the security details for the world’s most important (male) leaders and tell them:

“We don’t know what this woman Medula wants, or where she is, or when her followers will strike next. Until we find Medula, you must surround your leaders with extremely heavy security.”

Yeah, thanks Captain Obvious, I mean, Superman.

Then they actually have a decent idea and put tracking devices on all the men, so when the/a president goes missing, they then know where the lair is.

But they didn’t really think much beyond that.

They make it to Medula’s mountain (boob?) and she opens up the gates right away for them. Batman, ever the genius, says, “Careful, it may be a trap!”

You know I thought she was inviting everyone up for tea, but now that you mention it, Batman…

The entrance has an invisible shield. All hope is lost until Wonder Woman and Jayna notice some ladies wandering in and decide now’s their chance to enter the lair of the villain who can control the will of women. Makes complete sense, can’t see a thing that may go wrong with that plan.

Superman conveniently decides to go back to the Hall of Justice to see if the computer can bleep bloop up some answers while everyone else decides to wander around the mountain aimlessly.

WHAT!? I didn’t see that coming at all.

Then, one by one, Zan, Batman, Robin, and Aquaman are all transported to Medula’s lair. I’ll give you a minute to catch your breath.

Now it’s all up to SuperMAN, get it? Man? In his name?

Superman sees all of this go down from the Justice Hall, and he feels that Wonder Woman and Jayna’s downfall “could be the break I’ve been looking for.” Way to cover, Superman.

Guess What…

I get to talk about the statue again!

I feel that this plot point/plan perfectly exemplifies how everyone must feel about Superman and his personality.

Wonder Woman and Jayna show up at the Justice Hall. and without a second thought, with no conversation, they take what they think is Superman – but it’s not! It’s the painted statue! “They’ve fallen right into my trap, disintegrating the statue I painted to look just like me,” gloats Superman. Yeah…

And again, I have to point out that he got a statue from people who love him for saving them and he decided to paint it because it didn’t look exactly like him enough.

Everyone heads back to Medula’s.

I think we can all agree

that this is the silliest looking thing ever:

Why does he have his butt in the air like that? He’s gonna be seen – that is a big red super butt, you can’t not see that!

Once Medula thinks she has all the Super Friends, she and all the ladies leave to “finish” taking over the world – yep, we all go to that together just like when we go use the bathroom!

Now Superman and Gleek have the place to themselves – time to put on some smooth jams and partay.

 

It’s Button Pushin’ Time!

“One mistake, and I could erase them forever! It’s no use, this computer’s too complex!” – Superman

Superman has to enlist the help of some other dude in the military who hasn’t been taken yet, and between the two of them, they push a lot of buttons figure out the reversal process.

Did it work? Yes, EXCEPT FOR THE STATUE. Let’s just hope the good people of Doomville don’t visit Superman’s place and are like, “Where’s that statue we made you? We people of Doomsville have so little, it was the only way we could thank you for everything you’ve done…” and then Superman will awkwardly explain that it got some paint on it and he sent it off to be cleaned.

Anyway, Batman thinks they can use Medula’s fierce headphones to undo the mind control, but nope! It only works if a woman is using it. Whomp whomp.

All this talk about headphones…

Let me just take a moment to declare Medula the most fabulous villain so far as far as fashion goes. Here she is in those previously mentioned headphones.

“Instantly, the Super Friends streak into action.” – Narrator

Now come on, Super Friends, if you streak into action they’re gonna instantly know you’re men!

Batman and Robin hunt down Wonder Woman and Jayna, and using “Bat Mirrors,”

They “neutralize” the white zappy stuff and break the two women from their trances.

And using this technique (Superman rips a “gold dome from the Federal Building”), they neutralize all the women, except for Medula. Wonder Woman then dons the headphones and Medula has no power to resist the command to turn herself in.

What did we learn?

What do we take away from this sensitive topic? Here’s what Wonder Woman has to say:

“Medula’s method of controlling women and putting them in power was wrong. Only gradually, a step at a time, can social customs change – no matter what they may be.”

“Perhaps now she realizes her method of controlling women for her own personal power was wrong,” adds Superman.

Indeed. Indeed. Anything else?

 

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 10, Storyline B – “Handicap”

Original Airdate – November 5th, 1977

Safety Segment

Aquaman tells a couple of twins planning to hitchhike home that they shouldn’t do that. Yeah, duh, Aquaman, that shit’s already been covered.

Short Synopsis: “The High Sierras, where many people go to enjoy the beauty of nature, and, where two teens on a fishing trip will find unsuspected danger!” – Narrator

Ron and Scott are driving along, and begin to discuss Scott’s “handicap.” You see, Scott has crutches. For some reason. “You forgettin’ about my leg?” is the most detail we get. Ron tells Scott he should try out for some sports and Scott is all down on himself.

Then, they drive over a big rock and plummet down the mountain. Despite the fact that neither one was wearing a seat belt and the van was crushed against a tree, Scott crawls free from the wreckage unharmed (except for his already handicap) and Ron is trapped under the van:

“It’s up to you! You’ve GOT to get help, Scott,” Ron insists.

“I’ll try,” says Scott, and then, he kind of like, rubs his knee a little bit, and then walks away.

 

Yes, it’s a dumb Wonder Twins story.

The Wonder Twins and Gleek are enjoying playing a game of baseball (way to rub it in Scott’s face!) when they get a Trouble Alert from…no, NOT SCOTT, from someone they were supposed to meet at the camp site, he was concerned they hadn’t shown up yet. But The Wonder Twins worry that they won’t be able to find the kids since it’s such a big, woodsy area.

Scott Continues His Heroic Journey of Self Discovery

Ok, now it DOES look like he’s dragging that leg a little. He soon reaches a crevasse, which is at least a 10 ft gap.

And then he takes a stick and pole vaults over it, running and all. I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe someone told him he had a bad leg as a joke, and then he bought it, and then the joke got so out of control that the person didn’t want to fess up?

Anyway, Scott reaches an emergency telephone. And he’s able to call The Wonder Twins and give them an exact location. Can you tell this episode is entirely boring with not much to work with?

“The day can only be saved in the most surreal way possible.” – Super Friends Episode Writing Guide Rule 1

Blah Blah Blah, You Learned Something About What You’re Capable Of

Everything turns out fine, and Ron and Scott agree to try out for sports together. And then, without asking, Gleek takes it upon himself to sign Ron’s cast.

 

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 10, Storyline A – “The Collector”

Original Airdate – November 5th, 1977

Short Synopsis: “Inside his remote Gothic mansion, millionaire inventor Newton Domehead is about to demonstrate his latest invention.” – Narrator

Domehead? Really?

“My matter transfer camera is finally finished. With it, I can transform any object into a picture.” So, like Willy Wonka and his TV chocolate bar? Got it.

His plan is to take a bunch of pictures of important stuff and then store the pictures for safe keeping. Pretty much your typical tourist but also impeding future tourists.

Then  there’s a montage of him taking away the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, Statue of Liberty, and just the top of the Capitol Building. Maybe he was worried he might accidentally get some members of Congress if he took all of it.

 “Later, at the Hall of Justice”

Who would do such a thing, wonders Wonder Woman (haha, in this instance she’s Wonder Woman because she’s wondering!). “The Justice League computer may be able to tell us,” say the writers trying to squeeze a story into 7 minutes, I  mean, Superman.

And with just the casual push of a couple colored buttons and the twirl of 1970s film reels, a name magically spits out – Domehead.

Superman and Wonder Woman “race to Newton Domehead’s estate.”

Oh, you KNOW he’s got a secret bookcase passage door.

No self respecting eccentric inventor who lives in a mansion would be caught dead without one.

The problem with awesome secret bookcase passages is that Superman can see them with his stupid x-ray vision.

Who guessed this would happen? All of you should have guessed.

Superman is instantly trapped in picture form. Wonder Woman manages to dodge the camera (never underestimate a woman’s ability to get out of the way of a camera if she doesn’t want her picture taken), but is then shut in the safe with all the pictures.

Domehead then heads out with two family members to Mt. Rushmore. He leaves all his pictures behind except for his most prized.

 

“I’ve got to get out of here fast and save Superman [AGAIN]” – Wonder Woman

FUN FACT: DID YOU KNOW: Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth can drill through a steel vault door? It can! AND did you know that through a little hole that it drilled, it can then wrap around a safe lock and try every conceivable code combination? IT CAN!

I gotta get me one of them lassos.

Domehead plans ahead, bitches.

Wonder Woman desperately searches for some kind of clue for where Domehead has gone, and the first thing she finds is an amazingly helpful itinerary.

What I’m DYING to know is, what is the size picture he plans to print for Rushmore!?

Later, at Mt. Rushmore

An action sequence that could be straight out of North by Northwest (if it were a poorly executed 70s children’s cartoon and not a classic Hitchcock film) commences, with Wonder Woman throwing her lasso around and dodging pictures left and right.

When Domehead threatens to rip the picture of Superman in half, Wonder Woman, who has gotten her hands on the camera, sends the reverse ray or something and then Superman is back to normal.

And then, after all that awesome work of doing pretty much all the work, Wonder Woman is shoved off of Jefferson’s nose with an airplane ladder.

Flung off like some kind of super booger. Superman swoops in and saves her.

Then, as they are trying to escape, Superman catches up with the Domeheads and turns them into the authorities.

Superman and Wonder Woman have a laugh over some weird joke about how the Domeheads would have done well in show business because they have a great disappearing act. You know, cause of the camera.

And then there’s also a weird lecture about not stealing giant monuments that can’t really be moved anyway and keeping them in picture form because it’s not fair to everyone else. You know, because that’s one of the important lessons you learn growing up.

The End.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 9, Storyline D – “Volcano”

Original Airdate – October 29, 1977

Short Synopsis: First, there was a magic trick, but it was the most boring thing – Superman makes it look like he cut an envelope AND a strip of paper in half but really it was just the envelope. See aren’t you already bored? So we’ll just move on to the story…

This week’s segment has a guest superhero: Samurai, who was actually created for the cartoon shows, like the Wonder Twins. Sorry, Samurai.

“Speeding through the vastness of outer space, a strange craft from another planet rockets off course with it’s engines failing.” Narrator

Aboard is an intergalactic Green Man Group:

“We are headed straight for a planet called ‘Earth'” exclaims one. What, you mean you don’t know about us? Well, let me tell you, we’re the best and worst place ever, I’ll have you know!

“Seconds later, the strange vessel hurtles into the steaming vent of an active volcano, where it slowly begins to sink in the hot molten llllllava.” – Narrator. Ain’t that a bitch.

Later, at the Super Friends Headquarters

They are told of the spaceship by some government/NASA dude and Superman and Samurai are on the case. “Using the powers of the mind” Samurai is able to turn into “the wind.” It looks like this:

See, kids? You can do anything you set your power of the mind to.

And then, once he’s on the move, he looks like a windsock with a head:

Back at the spaceship.

I guess they can’t breathe our air because they’ve decided to stay in the spaceship in the lava (that’s not true, at the end they’re outside, perfectly fine). One says that if they can’t get the ship out, they’ll die – NO ASKING FOR HELP. Ha ha, jokes on you, you’re already gonna get some “help” whether you like it or not!

“A flying earth being is headed straight for us!” They do what any logical person would do if they saw the Super Friends version of Superman flying toward them – they activate their defense beam.

Superman can’t get past the beam and Samurai attempts to contact the aliens with a radio (WHERE on that costume he’s been keeping a radio, I have no idea). He tells them they’re only here to help, and like any reasonable person or alien, the aliens are like, “uh, no.”

So, Samurai comes up with a plan. “Calling out the Japanese words for ‘invisible,’ Samurai slowly disappears.” – Narrator

I don’t speak Japanese, so I have no idea if he actually said the words (plural) for invisible.

Then, he pulls a bunch of rope (sorry, “cable”) out his short-shorts!

Just because something is invisible doesn’t mean it doesn’t take up space. So unrealistic.

Sorry, aliens, you’re getting help.

Invisible Samurai lands on the craft sets off the sensors, which, according to the Green Man in charge, “never lie.” Not even in molten hot lava?  He’s right, of course, and they press one of many yellow buttons and Samurai comes down a tube and reveals himself. I mean reveals himself as a formerly invisible person, not reveals his, you know…

The ship sinks under the lava as Superman watches helplessly because he still can’t get past the defense beams. He contacts Samurai on the radio:

Samurai says he has a plan, and his plan is to pretend to be fire, then sneak out of the tube and then press a button. Yeah, I don’t know. There’s a kerfuffle, and the alien accidentally turns off the defense beams and Superman pulls them out. It was really edge-of-your-seat stuff.

“Now that your spacecraft is repaired, you can safely return to space!” – Superman

Superman obviously has no interest in where these things are actually from, who they are, or what they are up to.

The Green Guy says he’s sorry for not trusting them and “at least now we have friends on Earth.” Then, Superman says, as they’re flying away, “and we have friends in space!”

No names, addresses, or phone numbers, just a general idea that they live in space. Superman is a great friend.

Health Segment

A child is trying to win a carnival game (baseball and stacked bottles one), he throws and misses. Wonder Woman tells him to try another and he says he can’t win because his eyesight is blurry and Wonder Woman tells him to always let his parents know if his vision changes.

Notice, however, that she does not inform him that carnival games are notoriously rigged. They can’t be expected to cover more than one topic, what are they, superheroe-oh, wait.

I’m betting Wonder Woman is co-owner of this carnival game. It doesn’t matter if he gets glasses, she’s still gonna get his 10 cents (that’s how much it costs, how times have changed!).

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 9 – Decoder

Original Airdate – October 29, 1977

After last week’s monstrosity, it’s time to take it easy this week, kick back, and enjoy the code word.

Code Word Part I

Aquaman is hanging out at the local go-cart track for some reason. In his superhero costume. You’d think that this would be a time maybe he could be having it cleaned since he’s obviously not on duty.

A young lady pulls up beside him and asks him why he’s there. He says he’s there to give the decoder clue. The decoder clue system is a very sloppy system. They seem to just randomly wander around until someone asks them what they’re doing and then they kind of wing it with the clue. They are just a shade away from wandering lost demented people.

Aquaman asks if she wants to hear the clue and she lies through her teeth, “I sure do! I love trying to figure out the Super Friends codes!” Yeahhhh.

“The first part of the code has two clues,” says Aquaman, buying himself some time to come up with something.

“What’s the first clue?” Asks anonymous go-carter.

“You’re sitting in it,” clues Aquaman.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but the first thing that popped into my head was – “my own urine!?” I wasn’t sitting in my own urine (this time), but I thought maybe the girl was, but then I thought, “but she’d know that Aquaman may not know she’s sitting in her own urine, so it must be ‘car.'” This is how I reach conclusions. I’ll stop sharing now.

She then asks what the second clue is, and he says, “That’s it right there.” I’ve drawn a line from his finger to the ‘it’ for clarification.

Sooo, cargo. Cargo is the first code word.

Part II

We’re back at the track and they’re out of their cars.

“That was really great,” exclaims girl.

“Sure was,” concurs Aquaman.

Flirt on your own time, people.

Aquaman says the clue is on this sign – NOT “boat,” another name for boat.

Sidetrack: this is a terrible ad. I’m assuming they want you to go on a cruise but there’s no name of the company or any contact information. I guess I noticed because I would like to be doing anything but this right now and they provided no means for me to find out more.

One of the reasons I’m daydreaming about being elsewhere is because I’m starting to feel like a third wheel.

“See if you can figure it out while we take another lap,” says Aquaman. Ok, guys, I’ll just be over here by myself with a slice of pizza like I always was in junior high and high school.

And off they go, round and round the track.

Part III

Blah, blah, the code word(s) is cargo ship.

When she gets the word(s) right, he says – “fast thinking!”

Then she says, “but I’m not fast enough to beat you around the track!” And then they both laugh and laugh.

SHUT UP and go find a room.

The End.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.