Category: Posts

The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep2C – The Mysterious Time Creatures

Writers note: This segment was actually plot-heavy. It was still stupid, but really packed with “stuff” – where if I skipped something, other things wouldn’t make sense. So, don’t be surprised when I get progressively grumpier.

Season 2, Episode 2, Storyline C – “The Mysterious Time Creatures”

Original Airdate: September 17, 1977

Short Synopsis: On the planet Krono, or something, light years away, a race of alien beings discuss whether they should conquer all the worlds they encounter or not. The appropriately named “Dicktor” thinks they should. The opposing view is that “The element krononium, in this medallion, with it’s power to move time forward or backward, has kept our citizens eternally young. We must continue to use it only for good.”

They put it to a vote and everyone but Dicktor votes not to act like Dicks. Dicktor is displeased. That pants-less dude was the president, I didn’t catch his name, it flew by so quickly and was so stupid. Dicktor gets his hands on the medallion and starts causing trouble. The medallion works like a novelty squirting flower, but instead of water, it squirts time, aging the president to an old, still pants-less man.

President Nopants says he has a little krononium in his escape vessel and will create a new medallion to defeat Dicktor, then flies off in his rocket towards Earth, with Dicktor’s fleet following behind. The Super Friends are alerted and then, ugh, I’m so tired.  This was all in the first three minutes. I miss Wendy and Marvin screwing around on their bikes.

WTF Screenshots
These are “space grapplers,” you know, because they’re in space.

Oh, no, President Nopants, you aged well, really.

And now we know where that scene in Basic Instinct came from.

Wonder Twins Powers, Craptivate!
President Nopants was whisked away to Aquaman’s fancy undersea lab, which he clearly never uses, to work on the new medallion. Dicktor tracks them down, and The Wonder Twins must protect what’s-his-name.

Jayna pushes ice cage Zan toward Dicktor, the plan being to trap him in the cage. But, Jayna is pushing too fast and the “friction is melting” Zan. Jayna then slips in the puddle of Zan she’s making because she’s melting him, and then they end up like this:

Pretty much what you’d expect to happen between a billy goat and an ice cage. Zan makes a crack about getting Jayna’s goat, which prompts Jayna to utter her catchphrase: “Spacey Zan, real Spacey.” I hate everyone and everything. The only thing that will make me feel better is if Dicktor uses the medallion on the Super Friends.

Hope is Restored.

I wanted to see them old, but this will do.

De-coder Part II

The special word was medallion. The “med” from the first clue, combined with this boy’s name and what he’s doing in this picture (he was yawning and his name is Al). I’m back to the hate, even though I just found out I am smarter than Robin, who had a real time trying to guess the word.

And oh, great, here comes Zan and Jayna again.
They end up in Dicktor’s underground lair/rocket ship along with the Super Babies, and have to save the day themselves since the kiddies aren’t getting along.

Jayna makes her way to Headquarters where she spells out a message on the computer to Batman and I find out it’s spelled “Dictor,” not “Dicktor.” Batman puts Jayna in his utility belt (in the “bat belt mouse compartment” to be specific) and off they go, back to the underground ship. At the ship, everyone gets their age fixed, blah blah blah.

Oh my God, why won’t it stop.
Dictor gets to Pres. Nopants, and reduces him to a pile of ashes.

After an hour, according to Dictor, Nopants will be irretrievable.  Dictor then gets away and heads back to his planet. Batman uses his make-up kit to disguise himself as young Nopants to fool Dictor. Dictor turns around and comes back to Earth. There’s then a stupid fight in space, and Batman lugs a life-sized version of himself up there to trick Dictor. It was a “hollow inflatable dummy with Camos’ dust inside.” Camos is Nopants, I’m assuming.

Batman and Robin must spend a fortune on inflatable versions of themselves.

Camos is restored to power, and all is right with the universe. Naptime!

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

What did we do before cell phones? The 1977 JC Penny Catalog informs us.

Before cell phones, we had both hands free for the majority of the time. It’s funny how quickly we forget the times before cell phones – when you actually had to be at a place that had a phone to use it, and sometimes you even had to ask if you could use it.

But, I’m more concerned with our hands. Nowadays most people in public are using one or both of their hands to talk or play on their phone. What did we do with ourselves before that? I’ll tell you.

Men wore robes and coats every day, and always used the pockets.

Women, ever so lightly, ever so deftly, used one hand to caress their collars.

 

Facts I made up about the movie Psycho.

We’re going to see one of my favorite movies, Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho, at the movie theater this evening. To commemorate the event, I’ve made up some fascinating facts about the making of the movie. Please feel free to pass them on as the truth, it will really impress friends and family.

1. Everyone knows that the blood in the shower scene was chocolate syrup. But, not everyone knows that the bathtub was made of molded ice cream. The drain was a wafer cookie. After they finished shooting the scene, the entire crew had an ice cream party.

The water was corn syrup.

2. Spencer Tracy is almost unrecognizable as Janet Leigh’s bra.

3. The score is completely a cappella.

4. When Alfred Hitchcock would get in a bad mood, the cast and crew would call him “Alfred Bitchcock.” He was a very good sport about it.

5. The Bates’ house up on the hill was a very small scale model. But, the interesting thing is, the model was actually a perfectly formed, detailed, piece of lint Alfred Hitchcock found in his pocket. The unkempt bushes were painstakingly created by the set designer.

Movie magic!

The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep2B

Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline B – “Tiger on the Loose”

Original Airdate: September 17, 1977

Safety First!
Before we begin our loose tiger adventure, Wonder Woman has some safety tips she’d like us all to be aware of. “A lot of times when we’re not thinking about what we’re doing, we put things in our mouths and chew on them. It’s a habit almost everybody has. Lots of things around the house and yard that kids put in their mouths can make them very sick. Pass this tip on to your friends, too.” So, here, friends. Done.

Wonder Woman starts lassoing and pulling things out of peoples’ mouths to demonstrate her point.


I hope next week’s safety tip is about how you shouldn’t lasso and yank things out of people’s mouths.

Short Synopsis: I’m only into the second episode, but I’m sensing a pattern in the storylines – 1. Two Super Friends team up (Robin doesn’t count as one whole person) 2. Wonder Twins 3. Everyone lends a hand 4. Another pair, usually a guest hero. So, that means this is the Wonder Twins story.

At “Jungle World Zoo, visitors safely watch the wild animals.” These wild animals are clearly safely confined:

The tiger gets loose because he gently brushed his tail against the cage door. He looks as surprised as anyone.

I’m not sure how zoos work. Do they have Superintendents?
After the tiger escapes, we’re then shown that at the “Office of the Superintendent,”

some teenager, Susie, is being blamed for letting the tiger escape. The Superintendent says he should have never hired an incompetent teenager and that any damage done by the tiger will be her fault. She says the tiger will listen to her but the Superintendent will have none of it.

And we thought Susie was incompetent.
The tiger gets on a school bus. A teacher and an entire class file into the bus, and nobody notices the giant 650lb tiger sitting in the open back seat until everyone is sitting down.

Zan and Jayna see what’s happening, Jayna says she knows what to do, and then we cut to them at Susie’s house. They left an entire school bus of children with a tiger on it to go to Susie’s house. They tell Susie they need her help. “Gosh, we better hurry,” exclaims Susie. Oh, don’t be silly, Susie, they’re fine.

Hold up.  
Excuse me? What am I seeing with my eyeballs right here?

Zan DOESN’T have to transform into water every time Jayna switches to an animal? What the hell? So he just turns into water and jumps into a bucket to be carried by eagle Jayna for fun? What. a. perv.

And what’s this!? Now Zan is changing into an “ice toboggan.”

WHAT? That’s not water, that’s sporting equipment. So you use a word associated with water and it works? Like, “a refrigerator with an ICE dispenser!” and voila? You know, I’m starting to feel like maybe the writers haven’t thought this all through and that, perhaps, this is all a giant pile of bullshit.

Susie coaxes the tiger out of the school bus, where it steps on to the Zan toboggan, and then Gleek pulls the toboggan into the cage and everyone is safe again. Poor tiger, he didn’t get to eat even one child.

It’s De-Coder Time!
It’s that time again, boys and girls. This time, Batman and Robin will be providing the clue. They drive into the middle of a stadium during a track and field meet, “right on time for the ceremonies.”


“Holy de-coder, Batman, will there be time for us to give out the big city track awards and give the first clue to the secret code word?” – Robin.

Oh, shut up, we all know you’re sooooo busy.

The first clue is the first three letters of the name of the objects they’re handling right now. My guess for the code word is “Medication.” We’ll see.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Updated: We Thought the Owl Covered in Blood May be Injured but it Turns Out He’s a Messy Eater

Spoiler alert: there is a picture of animal bones and a distant picture of a disembodied leg. These are owls we’re talking about.

We’ve had a couple of owls living on our little street (a cul de sac with just six houses). They’ve been hooting away during the day and night for several months. That’s not all they’ve been doing, either.

This morning Tom and our neighbors, David, Betsy, and Roger (Betsy and Roger are married) found a surprise in the middle of our cul-de-sac. I was sleeping at the time, as I’m not currently a responsible, contributing member of society. So, rather than re-hash all of this in my own words, particularly since I wasn’t there and don’t deserve to pretend to be, here’s the baby owl’s story as told through Facebook posts.

First, David posted a picture of the owl:

Tom posted a video of him:

And Betsy updated her status and explained what the owl-helpers told her:

And, of course I wanted to see owl pellets. So, I headed over to Betsy’s driveway, where she told her son he could “keep” them (the same place he found them). We all know owls are bad mother-shut-my-mouths, but as we looked at one pellet, then found another, and then another, we slowly realized we were standing below their nest, and let me tell you, I am glad I’m not a mouse. Or a bird. Or a chipmunk. Or a rabbit.

 

I said, “It’s a spine!” When we looked at the first owl pellet.
But it looks like it was actually a foot.
Betsy started yelling “IT’S A LEG! IT’S A LEG!” before I even saw it.

Seriously, y’all, they sit up in their nest of horror and drop animal body parts over the side.*

Betsy also told me that the raptor rescuer said that while the babe’s blood was from breakfast, he DID have fly eggs on him, which, if hatched could cause maggots, which would then have caused his death. So, he had several baths at the rescue place, and they will let him dry overnight and will bring him back tomorrow. Hopefully there won’t be any issue and he’ll be welcomed back with open wings and the slaughter can begin again (they eat up to 10 mice a day). So, yay for Betsy and the Chattahoochee Nature Center for preventing what sounds like a pretty horrible maggot-related death.

This is the picture Tom took of him when he first found him. Even as a relatively helpless birdie, he looks pretty intimidating – look at those talons!

*I’m kidding, owls! I love you. Please don’t hurt me.

Update: My title was a lie! This morning, the raptor lady came in to check on baby owl (I keep wanting to nickname him “bowel” but that’s not right), and he had blood on him again. After another thorough pat down, she discovered three puncture wounds on his inner thigh. So, he’ll stay with them while he’s on some antibiotics and will be returned after the wound is in the clear.

She thinks the cause of the injury was that his parents stepped on him. I would go over and lecture up at the nest about them needing to be more careful with their babies, but I’m afraid they’ll toss a squirrel head over the side at me and I know I wouldn’t recover from a trauma like that.

The theory is that the wound made him tip forward when he ate, so he would fall in his bloody food, which explains why he looked like Stephen King’s Carrie at the prom. That would also explain why he’s all hunched over in the scary pictures of him.

Update 7/24/12 – I’ve noticed this post has gotten some traffic lately. I feel like I should complete the story even though it’s a sad one. The baby owl passed away a few days after I posted this. I was so bummed about it I didn’t have the heart to write about it.

He died from rat poisoning. A rat must have ingested rat poisoning, and then the baby owl and the rest of his family probably caught and ate that rat. Most likely they all died as all owl sounds in the neighborhood ceased shortly after we found the baby.

Rat poison is serious, serious business. It doesn’t just kill rats – putting it out is a risk for many animals, including pets. The irony is that the rat poison killed one of nature’s best pest controls. Such a shame.