After last week’s monstrosity, it’s time to take it easy this week, kick back, and enjoy the code word.
Code Word Part I
Aquaman is hanging out at the local go-cart track for some reason. In his superhero costume. You’d think that this would be a time maybe he could be having it cleaned since he’s obviously not on duty.
A young lady pulls up beside him and asks him why he’s there. He says he’s there to give the decoder clue. The decoder clue system is a very sloppy system. They seem to just randomly wander around until someone asks them what they’re doing and then they kind of wing it with the clue. They are just a shade away from wandering lost demented people.
Aquaman asks if she wants to hear the clue and she lies through her teeth, “I sure do! I love trying to figure out the Super Friends codes!” Yeahhhh.
“The first part of the code has two clues,” says Aquaman, buying himself some time to come up with something.
“What’s the first clue?” Asks anonymous go-carter.
“You’re sitting in it,” clues Aquaman.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but the first thing that popped into my head was – “my own urine!?” I wasn’t sitting in my own urine (this time), but I thought maybe the girl was, but then I thought, “but she’d know that Aquaman may not know she’s sitting in her own urine, so it must be ‘car.'” This is how I reach conclusions. I’ll stop sharing now.
She then asks what the second clue is, and he says, “That’s it right there.” I’ve drawn a line from his finger to the ‘it’ for clarification.
Sooo, cargo. Cargo is the first code word.
Part II
We’re back at the track and they’re out of their cars.
“That was really great,” exclaims girl.
“Sure was,” concurs Aquaman.
Flirt on your own time, people.
Aquaman says the clue is on this sign – NOT “boat,” another name for boat.
Sidetrack: this is a terrible ad. I’m assuming they want you to go on a cruise but there’s no name of the company or any contact information. I guess I noticed because I would like to be doing anything but this right now and they provided no means for me to find out more.
One of the reasons I’m daydreaming about being elsewhere is because I’m starting to feel like a third wheel.
“See if you can figure it out while we take another lap,” says Aquaman. Ok, guys, I’ll just be over here by myself with a slice of pizza like I always was in junior high and high school.
And off they go, round and round the track.
Part III
Blah, blah, the code word(s) is cargo ship.
When she gets the word(s) right, he says – “fast thinking!”
Then she says, “but I’m not fast enough to beat you around the track!” And then they both laugh and laugh.
I’m thirty-five years old. I have a sister who’s four years younger than me with two beautiful children ages four (girl) and twenty months (boy).
Last month, my niece’s daycare had a little holiday recital. I was really excited to go because this is the type of thing I was looking forward to seeing since my husband and I moved back up to our home state, North Carolina, from Georgia.
It was very simple; you’re not getting a full-scale production with four year olds, although that would probably be adorable. The kids came out with little Santa hats on, attempted to sing “Jingle Bells” and a few other songs in unison, kind of did it, and then it was over. Each child also had the opportunity to explain to the audience what the holidays mean to them – every audible answer I heard involved candy and presents (sorry Jesus, etc.). I couldn’t hear what my niece said, and when I asked her later, she told me, “I didn’t say nothing.” So touching.
After the show, everyone filed into the classroom to eat cupcakes and then watch sugar-rushed children run around and scream. This is when things went south.
As my sister an I were standing around, attached to each other as we tend to be during social situations (she’s the “outgoing” one by about 2%), one of my niece’s teachers came up to us. She said something like, “You must be the grandma!”
Yes, she motherfucking said that.
I was having a hard time processing it. I’m sure I looked like a deer in the headlights, but also with a lot of confusion on my face because, for example, I noticed that a deer was also driving the car. So, as I stood there, my bottom jaw probably being trampled by four-year-olds, my sister picked up the slack and said, with as much restraint as possible, “This is my sister.”
And then the lady gasped in horror and apologized profusely. HA, no. She had apparently already boarded the conversational “this lady is obviously the grandma” train and just kept chugging along, admittedly with a weary “why am I still talking” expression on her face. She continued, “Well I can see which side of the family you [my sister] get your looks from.”
Nope, sorry, we draw our “looks” from the exact same genetic pool. Try again.
Ladies and gentlemen, if this were the end of the story, I may not have even written about it. It makes me uncomfortable, as a lazy vain person, that I worry about things like this. I am indeed reaching the age where we as women start to try and turn back or freeze the hands of time, so to be told that my clock is a valuable antique is a little disconcerting. If it was just this one lady, who I think is in her twenties, I could chalk it up to a crazy misunderstanding – that maybe she asked before she got a good look at me – and let it slide (much like the skin sliding off my brittle old bones). But, sadly, that is not what happened.
A few minutes later, my niece’s other teacher, a much older lady, came up, extended her hand and said, “Are you the grandma?”
This time, I was ready! I extended my hand and with brow furrowed, released a sad, confused, “Noooooooo.”
This lady was so embarrassed and appalled at her assumption, she said she was so sorry and told me OF COURSE I didn’t look like a grandmother. HAHAHA, you guys are so gullible. No, she then told me reassuringly that SHE is a grandma, and then started listing the ages of her grandchildren.
Really, lady who is clearly at least twenty years older than me, you’re a grandma? WELL THEN EVERYTHING IS FINE!
I understand that it’s a nightmare come true to assume someone is “the” grandma and find out they are not. Much like I’m sure it’s embarrassing to ask someone when they’re due and they’re not pregnant. I have done neither of these things but I have once mistaken a boy child for a girl child and I felt like a steaming pile of shit for doing so. I didn’t have a loud, more-attention-brought-to-the-situation meltdown apology, but I did apologize, because I was in the wrong, and it’s just kind of good to acknowledge so that it doesn’t seem like the other person is to blame. What I’m saying is I don’t want to feel like an old hag at thirty-five so one of you being slightly mortified would have made me feel a little better. To me, continuing a conversation as if nothing happened tells me that OF COURSE I was mistaken for a grandma, and have you tried the cupcakes?
Maybe it IS me. Maybe at thirty-five it’s time to admit that even though I would have given birth to my sister at age four (thus being pregnant through most of my third year), I do indeed look as old as my own mother (who looks great, by the way). Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, I don’t know. I’ll leave it up to you all. Here’s a picture from the day I attended the recital, what do you think?
Super Friends Season 2, Episode 9, Storyline C – “The Water Beast”
Original Airdate – October 29, 1977
Short Synopsis: Ugh. It has the word “water” in the title. It’s Aquaman’s time to “shine,” I guess.
“The mid-Atlantic, where freighters peacefully navigate the ocean, unaware that lurking many fathoms below, is the command ship of the master undersea menace – Manta” – Narrator
*Behind the scene tidbit: I’ve been sitting here for an hour and only gotten 7 or 8 seconds into the story because there’s a part of me that tries to reject the Super Friends like a body rejects an organ.*
Manta says that soon he will rule the oceans of the world and then demands that they “activate the water beast.” Like in the title!
Manta orders Water Beast to seize the freighters. I think he looks kind of cute, like when someone wins too many Grammys for them to hold.
I’d like to thank Manta, who always believed in me.
The third freighter got away by using maneuvers only an animated ship could accomplish. Manta is disappointed and believes he can reach his goals with the help of his “arch foe,” Aquaman. This prompted me to look up if this may be the first comic book canon villain that I’ve noticed and it isn’t exactly but I guess kind of is. So the first one they go for is an Aquaman villain? Ok. I guess.
Later, at the Hall of Justice
Jayna mentions that it sounds like one of Zan’s powers “gone wacko.” And just in that moment, I realized that both Zan and Aquaman’s powers are water-related and that perhaps it’s the water that makes people seem so lame. I mean I knew it, but wasn’t really conscious of it. Oh dear God I’ve been watching way too much Super Friends.
Again, I must ask.
IF ZAN DOESN’T HAVE TO BE WATER IN A BUCKET FOR JAYNA TO CARRY THEM AROUND THEN WHY DOES HE DO IT 99% OF THE TIME!?
Why don’t they just do this all the time? I just had to get that off of my chest.
Superman isn’t clear on how Water Beasts work.
I mean, I guess it’s fair – he’s never dealt with a water beast before – nobody really knows the anatomical intricacies of a water beast. But, if it’s truly a beast made of water, then trying to punch it just really isn’t going to work.
He then has the clever idea of boiling the water beast with his heat ray, but then is surprised when the Water Beast reforms itself. So, Superman is now stuck trying to figure out how to kill a bunch of water, which was Manta’s plan in the first place because now he has Aquaman all to himself.
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You’re gonna do what, now?
Ok this is when things get a little silly. I can barely follow it, so I’m just going to transcribe what Manta tells Aquaman.
“That special cage you’re in will electronically duplicate your superpowers on computer tape, which I will transfer to my water beast, making HIM invincible. Nothing will stop him!”
Manta, you had me until you called the Super Friends and told them where you would be attacking next.
Classic rookie mistake. I mean I know the point is to challenge them to defeat your newly “invincible water beast,” but still, you obviously have some other lofty goal – stick with that, don’t get sidetracked.
And while we’re on the subject, IS Aquaman invincible? It is my understanding that he can talk to fish, can hold his breath a long time, and is maybe stronger than average, but I don’t think he’s invincible. Superman is about as close as you’ll get, and he ain’t no Superman. What’s that, you say? You’re an animated character from the 1970s and can’t help me with that question? Very well.
Meanwhile at Labows Island…
Labows Island is where the water beast is going to attack. Yes, I’m guessing at the name.
The water beast is successful in not-losing to the Super Friends, who give up on stopping him and focus on evacuating the locals, which they could have done ahead of time if they ever planned anything at all.
“You’ve proved your point, Manta, what are your demands?” – Wonder Woman
Seriously? That’s it? Ok, then.
“As ruler of the seas, I forbid any ship to leave port without my permission, and without paying a heavy tribute. Violators will be severely punished by my Water Beast. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” – Manta
Batman has a “plan.”
Something about getting a captain to violate Manta’s rules so that Manta sends the Water Beast but the beast is in for a surprise because some of the Super Friends are hiding in a waterproof crate?
Something about being smuggled to Manta’s secret lair. Or something.
WHAT THE HELL
“While the super freighter heads for the open sea, thousands of miles away, Superman and Wonder Woman are doing aerial acrobatics to raise money for charity.” – Narrator
“I hope Batman’s plan works!” – Wonder Woman
“Until it does, we have to be seen here, so Manta won’t suspect a trap!” – Superman
What I assume was said earlier:
Superman: Uh, yeah, uh, we’d love to help save the seas and our friend Aquaman, but, um, you know..we have that thing…
Wonder Woman: Ohhhhh, yeahhh, that charity thing. Yeahhhh, we can’t get out of that. Sorry.
And how is Batman’s plan going?
They somehow get loose (it involves a batgadget) and then Zan turns into steam and Jayna a mosquito and find Aquaman but then they get trapped in a can at the bottom of the sea and then the pressure starts to crush the can..
They’re saved by some jellyfish because Aquaman used his powers which I thought he either didn’t have anymore or was being blocked. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be addressed. And then the plan completely fails and they all regroup at Headquarters because Super Friends hates me and this story line just won’t end.
Alllright…
All the food except for a few carrot sticks has been eaten and there’s one lonely drunk girl on the dance floor, I think it’s time to wrap this party up.
The Super Friends do something smart and consult with a scientist who analyzed the water beast and they all decide splitting the water beast in to smaller units is a good idea even though he lives in the ocean which is a bottomless supply of water and you know what fuck it let’s just go with it…
Sorry, one more little nitpick – the water beast is headed for New York, which the Super Friends have known for quite a while. Did they evacuate the city? I think we all know the answer.
Ok, back to just letting the plan happen…
Batman and Robin vacuum up the water beast into separate containers. The day is saved!
Holy Fucking Shit Zan is Useful.
I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever thought this day would come. And, while it is a stupid convoluted plan, within the framework of that plan….Zan actually did something only he could contribute:
He became the water beast, luring Manta to the surface and into the hands of the authorities.
I can’t take anymore. A long insane story that ends in Zan saving the day? It’s too much for me to handle. Next week he’ll be back turning into ice bridges to save a teenager from popping a pimple and all will be right in the world but until then it’s a confusing, sad place to live.
I don’t care how innocent and out-of-the-gutter your mind is, there’s no way you see this picture of two couples in matching-but-different-color silk pajamas and NOT assume they are all going to have sex together.
Don’t these two look like the nerdy hero lead of a 1980s movie and his bully? If only both of them knew when they get home from school they put on the same robe, maybe that’d change everything.
Check out this super creepy Santa:
Did people seriously wear “Twas the Night Before Christmas” nightcaps even in the late 1970s?
In most of the menswear pictures, the guys all have one of their hands clenched like they’re holding something. My theory is that they’re cyanide pills and that no male models made it out of the photoshoot alive.
Did you think Snuggies were something new? You were so wrong.
They are LITERALLY wearing their ugly-ass comforters. They have snaps that “envelop” you in a horrible 70s comforter blob monster.Sears casual clothes make you so casual, you will only be mildly amused that you are being approached by a giant crotch.
Hey, kids, what do you think of Winnie the Pooh?!
And, lastly, on a VERY serious note – PLEASE SOMEONE FIND ME EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE WALL CLOCKS:
Super Friends Season 2, Episode 9, StorylineB – “Game of Chicken”
Original Airdate – October 29, 1977
Short Synopsis: At Al’s Drive-In, two cars vie for the same parking space. “Out of my way, Mill,” exclaims Lans. Mill and Lans are the names I heard, so I’m going with it.
Lans says he always parks there, and then Mill says he has the muscles to back up his claim. Oh my god it’s already so boring. Mill tells Lans, “You wouldn’t be so brave if you didn’t have muscles!” Ok, well, yeah, that kind of stands to reason.
Mill then proposes a game of chicken, “unless of course, YOU’RE chicken!” Snap. Wow, both of these guys seem like real gentlemen. Mill proposes having this game of chicken in what I swear is “in my dad’s boots,” but that can’t be right.
And I guess the guy’s name could be “Lance” but that’s NOT how they’re saying it. I’m getting off track (ha ha! like in a game of chicken!).
The Wonder Twins are bowling, because that’s the only thing that can be more boring than The Wonder Twins. The Wonder Twins bowling.
Jayna says that “bowling is right up Gleek’s alley,” and just when I was about to go stick my head in the oven, the Twins get the Trouble Alert.
Ohhhh, BOATS, not Boots.
Mill and Lans race each other along a mountain road on the way to a marina, and they’re having a complete back-and-forth conversation over their roaring engines (bunch of trash talk).
But who’s there to stop them? Jayna, Zan, and Gleek, who’s grown like a foot and a half.
Those two dummies stop their cars, and Jayna and Zan tell them surely there’s some other, safer way to resolve their issues.
“Why suuuure, we’ll shake hands and make up,” says one of them (I can’t keep track), dripping with sarcasm.
“Good!” says naive and stupid Zan.
“AFTER I cream him on the river!” clarifies that one guy. And then, he does this:
I take everything bad back I said about him. We’re to be married in the spring.
Then the Wonder Twins have to do their little power move covered in mud to rush to aid the jerks who did this to them.
“Form of, someone who wasn’t just completely humiliated!”
And here’s those boots boats everyone’s been talking about.
So the guys finally make it to their boats. One does indeed chicken out (the smart one, I guess), and then the other one’s “steering cable” breaks and he is helplessly careening towards a waterfall.
And then this is how they save him?
Pretty self explanatory. Zan became and ice ramp and then Jayna became a walrus to the stop the boat by hitching her back flippers into the boat and then digging her walrus tusks into her own brother. Really, it’s what any of us would have done.
