Author: Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Season 1 Episode 15

Season 1 – Episode 15: “The Planet-Splitter”

Airdate was December 15th, 1973

Short Synopsis – Jewels is disappearin’! It’s only diamonds over 100 karats, and they’ve narrowed the list down to 4 other jewels in danger of being stolen. A guy named Dr. LaBond and his assistant Wilbur need the diamonds to “derive” their “special powers” to make his planet-splitter work.

The Super Friends decide to track the last three diamonds with a “micro dot.”

This was a pretty awful episode. Most of it was driving and flying around, the (very poorly told) story of Superman’s origins, and Wendy and Marvin arguing with the villain to just please drop them off in any American city after they get stuck on his space ship.

WTF Screenshots
This is a gorilla winning a kewpie doll at a circus carnival.

Here’s the County Museum of Art – lots of priceless shit here.

Here’s a lady who forgot to wear her pants to the County Museum of Art.

I think this is a perfect summation of everything about Super Friends.

Wendy and Marvin’s Parents are Idiots    
Superman flies away and abandons Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog at the circus (they went there to protect a giant diamond, which if you know anything about Super Friends, you know it was still stolen anyway). Robin finally mentions that he hasn’t seen them around in a while, and Superman assures him that he totally left them to fend for themselves and he’s sure they’re having a wonderful time.

They end up in fucking space.

Wendy and Marvin become the grandpa from The Princess Bride
While on the space ship with Dr. Labond and Wilbur, Wilbur asks Wendy and Marvin to tell him the story of Superman. Dr. LaBond says it will be a long ride home, so go ahead. We then spend about a third of the damn episode in a flashback, watching Superman’s dad argue with a bunch of bureaucrats about what to do to save the people of their planet.

Then, we see baby Superman scaring earthly bureaucrats, making them pawn him off on the Kents because they don’t want to be responsible for him. Which, when you think about it, is pretty terrible.

Superman makes sure no one is left out and also that that the villain almost ruins two planets.
Superman, Batman, and Robin all arrive at the hidden lair after tracking one of the “microdotted” diamonds. Robin ask if they should go in, you know, because it’s an emergency, and Superman says, “Wonder Woman and Aquaman are just arriving, we’ll wait for them.”

“If Superman’s your idol, then you better not break up a planet. He won’t like it.” – Wendy

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, the first season is available on DVD.

Writer’s Block

Introduction.

  • Scooting your chair forward with conviction does not, unfortunately, release a waterfall of hilarious and revelatory prose. Poopcakes.
  • Scratching your head does nothing but qualify you for a dandruff shampoo commercial.
  • Pacing only increases the risk of tripping over your cat.
  • Staring at the wall only leads to noticing cobwebs and spots you missed while painting.
  • Going to play Words with Friends, getting 60+ points for the word “puked,” and then glancing around and beaming proudly at no one, doesn’t get any juices flowing.
  • Going to play Words with Friends, seeing your opponent got 60+ points on the word “divinity” on HER FIRST MOVE, glancing around and tearing up at no one, also doesn’t get any juices flowing.
  • Swaying and spinning around in your kitchen singing “up, up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful balloooooon!” doesn’t work. But, it does cause dog excitement.
  • Staring blankly at the screen produces nothing, but it DOES help me remember that I turned the iron on over an hour ago and should probably do something about it.
  • Fuck it. I’m writing about writer’s block.

Conclusion.

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep14

Season 1 – Episode 14: “Gulliver’s Gigantic Goof”

Airdate was December 8, 1973.

Short Synopsis: Dr. Gulliver plans to shrink everyone in the world “down to an economical, convenient size” except for himself, and his cat, Igor. But animals and children aren’t affected by his miniaturizing ray because of the difference in metabolic rates. Please don’t ask any follow-ups about that, I’m only the messenger.

Yes! Villain with a Cat!

This is the Peter Lorre-like villain, required for every animated series ever.

Aquaman, Super Hero
Aquaman finally does something helpful, but it doesn’t involve being able to chat up dolphins and manta rays.

Only One More Point Before Total World Domination, or Something.
Robin points! Aquaman, I’m looking at you…

WTF Screenshots
Batman holds two itty bitty astronauts. I want one!

You can’t go tiny with out a matchbook – it’s the law.

I’m not sure what the hell is going on here.

You knew where this was going. It is the only logical conclusion.
Yes, ALL of the Super Friends are shrunk.

Wonder Woman flailing around in a bowl of milk.

If you ever needed more proof that the Super Friends are incompetent, then here:

Shut Up, Batman.
Batman and Robin have just been shrunk down to about 2 inches tall. This, they take in stride, but when Dr. Gulliver announces that they’ve arrived at his castle, Batman exclaims, “A CASTLE!? IN AMERICA?!”

Enter the Green Arrow.
Super Friends have fucked up so bad, Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog have to come to their rescue. Who do they call? Green Arrow. Why? Because all the other super heroes are unreachable due to their participation in “a space mission, too far away for us to call.”

And guess what happens to him within a minute of showing up? Yep. And this is what’s in his glove compartment. Matchbook, spool of thread, coins and paper clips. It’s like he KNEW he was going to shrink.

Super Friends Speak the Truth.
“You’re no help to me bottled up like a bunch of pickles.” – Green Arrow

“But people don’t want to be two inches tall. Or one inch. Or whatever YOU’VE decided to make them.” – Superman

And now, a preview of the much anticipated “The Dark Knight Rises.”

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD.