Author: Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd

Two Things I’ll Miss, The Thing I’ve Missed

As I’ve mentioned too many times already, we just moved from Atlanta back to North Carolina, where both Tom and I are from.

I was  going through my phone pictures and I found two little examples of things I’ll miss from our time in Georgia.

The first is from the Japanese restaurant near our house. There’s a mural with lots of rabbits and anthropomorphic vegetables. My favorite part of the mural is this:

In all the fun and laughter amongst the rabbits and the vegetables (ok, yes tomatoes are a fruit), one rabbit seems to have gotten a little carried away in her enthusiasm, and this is clearly upsetting to the tomato she’s so happily rough housing. Maybe I like it so much because that’s how I felt in Atlanta – just a little tomato being jostled around by an over-active rabbit. Yeah, I got deep and metaphorical there for a second. Please know that I did not actually like it because that’s how I felt in Atlanta – I like it because a tomato is being man handled by a rabbit, so there’s no need to delve deeper to see why it’s so awesome to me.

The other image on my phone was of a run-down mansion that looks like it was built in the 1980s. We would pass it on our way to the movie theater that plays retro movies, also often from the 1980s. The house is a pastel peach, and I can just imagine all sorts of 80s douche bags dressed Miami Vice-style, having big parties and thinking it would last forever. And it sort of did, because nobody has changed that house since its heyday. This too could be seen as a monument to my time in Atlanta – arriving with the best of intentions and then slowly feeling the need for a change but continuing to stay the same. But, HA, no. We didn’t move to Atlanta intending to stay. Nope, I liked passing by this house because it stuck out like a sore thumb, reminded me of the 80s, and was on the way to watching old movies on the big screen.

Then came the pictures from the short two weeks we’ve been back. This past weekend we went to a small family reunion, held in my father’s small hometown, where my grandmother lived until she died. My grandparents owned a farm. My dad hated helping out on the farm because he was allergic to everything involving farms (which he so lovingly passed on to me). So, when the time came, my dad sold his share of the farm to my uncle, who is more enamored with farm land and farm-related activities.

So, while I love this town, and have many wonderful memories of spending time on the farm, I don’t actually know much about the ins and outs of farming. As a child I did more “look, I’m on a tractor!” novelty tractor rides than finding out exactly what tractors can actually do. I was also more, “hey look, there are peanuts everywhere and I can have some!” than actually understanding how the peanuts got there.

As we made our way to the farm, we ended up behind this thing.  It looked like someone took a bunch of other things and made this one thing. It also looked like perhaps we would find an alien driving it if we looked close enough. I can deduce that the giant old-timey looking wheels are to go down the row of crops, and that the tank on top (you can’t see it from this angle), sprays stuff, but as to what it’s actually called, and what it really does – dunno. But, still, there’s a part of me that sees something like this and it feels right. I may be allergic to farms, but it’s still there in my genes somewhere.

We passed the contraption (after contemplating driving under it just to see if we could fit) and continued on toward our destination. I haven’t been back to this town in years. Living in Georgia meant there wasn’t a lot of time to visit anywhere other than where my mom and sister live. So when we finally hit the street we were looking for, there stood the image that trumps all man-handled tomatoes and coke-filled pastel 80s mansions:

My family’s road. On my family’s farm. A lovely reminder of where my father came from and, by extension, where I came from. And while my dad isn’t here anymore, and my grandma is gone, too, the road bearing their last name is still here, and I can visit it any time I want. And that’s what being back home means to me.

That, and free food from my mom’s house, but mostly that.

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read to be read at yeahwrite.me

The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep4D – “Fire”

Season 2, Episode 4, Storyline D – “Fire”

Original Airdate: October 3, 1977

CRAFT TIME!!
Wonder Woman swings in on her lasso to find an unattended child trying to come up with a project for school using all the crap found in a paper bag.

She tells the kid that “there’s the makings of a yo-yo” in the bag, and the savvy kid says, “Are you sure? I’d love help! Can you show me?”

Wonder Woman dutifully agrees to do the girl’s homework for her. All you need is: 1. an empty thread spool 2. some string 3. two container lids and 4. some tacks.

All you have to do is tie the string to the spool and use the tacks to attach the container lids to each side (you can use a rock like Wonder Woman). Then, you have what will probably be a C- project for school – but at least you didn’t have to do it yourself!

Short Synopsis: “Deep within the Los Altos National Park, a careless family leaves behind a smoldering camp fire.” – Narrator

Uh-oh. The fires starts to spread and we cut to:

A sheriff bringing two criminals to the park to pay their debt to society. They see the fire, and a burning tree knocks them off the road, allowing the criminals to escape. So, if you haven’t been keeping up, we now have a forest fire and two criminals on the loose.

Ok, nevermind, just one problem.
A fireman lets the Super Friends know that the fire is under control but the criminals are still on the loose.

This week’s special guest is Rima, whom I’ve never heard of. According to Wikipedia, she had a short-lived run in DC Comics and is based on a 1904 novel by W.H. Hudson. In Super Friends, she can talk to animals, which makes her perfect for this adventure. Batman doesn’t seem to mind one bit that she’ll be coming along.

Robin, you’re used to being a third wheel, right?

Phew, I was worried only loose criminals wouldn’t be enough dramatic suspense.
The criminals, one of whom is named Mark (no word on the other’s name), steal the vehicle of some workmen trying to clear fire debris from the forest.

“They don’t know it, but they’re headed into the fire area. The dynamite they’re carrying could explode from the heat.” – Expositional Workman

Like a Bridge Over Boring Waters
The criminals drive over a burning bridge. They make it across but the super trio doesn’t. Rima does her call, which sounds just like Tarzan, and all the woodland creatures hear her, but only one bothers to respond.

A bear knocks down two trees to help the Batmobile across. For some reason this bear just hangs out on his back two legs like a circus bear.

And now, because this was a pretty boring episode, I present to you a scrapbook filled with memories of Batman and Rima’s (and Robin’s) Adventure

Safety Time!
At a camp site, a little girl has burned her hand on the top of a pot resting in a fire.

Superman tells her to soak a cloth in cold water and wrap the hand for 15 minutes, it will reduce the swelling.

That’s helpful and all, but shouldn’t the lesson be to NOT TOUCH hot pots?

P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

More Facts and Tidbits about 1980s Songs I Made Up

“Pump up the Jam” was inspired by PB&J sandwich with not enough jelly on it. The follow-up, “Pump up the Ham,” in response to a ham and cheese sandwich, was not as popular.

Lipps, Inc., who had the smash song “Funkytown,” wanted to spell their band name with three p’s, but it was decided that two was the better way to misspell “lips.”

Kool & the Gang’s “Celebration” states that “We’re gonna celebrate your party with you.” While this sounds like supportive fun, it was actually a separate party, celebrating the original party, on the lawn of the original party’s location house. It was really confusing. And rude.

“Morning Train (Nine to Five)” by Sheila Easton is actually a highly inappropriate song about child labor. Seriously, I can’t believe it hit number one and that nobody went to jail.

My baby takes the morning train.

Joan Jett was kicked out of countless bars because she kept telling people to put dimes into jukeboxes that only accepted quarters.

“Chariots of Fire” has lyrics. “They run and they run, and, they run and they run. They run and they run, and, they run and they run. They run and they run, they run, they run! They run and they run! They run and they run, they run, they run! They run and they run.”

Amazingly, with all of those candles in the video for “Wrapped Around Your Finger,” Sting walked away unscathed but then later burned his mouth on a Hot Pocket.

When doves cry, they sound nothing like Prince’s song or any sounds in that song. They sound more like “Batdance,” which is why everyone hates it when doves cry.

The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep4C – “Day of the Plant Creatures”

Season 2, Episode 4, Storyline C – “Day of the Plant Creatures”

Original Airdate: October 3, 1977

Short Synopsis: “Big Cypress Swamp, deep in the Florida Everglades, where all is peaceful and silent, except for the scattered cries of swamp creatures.” – Narrator

My guess is that the swamp creatures are crying because they know the Super Friends are going to visit.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a meteor falls into the swamp.

The radiation (I’m assuming it’s radiation since it’s glowing red stuff) causes the local fauna to become creatures straight out of Scooby Doo.

They then make their way to the closest town, Cypressville, and scare the shit out of two locals and a whole truckload of chickens. The chickens get loose, and, well, here, you’ll just have to see it:

Not only can they convert chickens to their Swamp-Monster-based-religion, they can turn humans, too:

“What is this strange contagious life force that turns people into zombie-like plant creatures?” – Narrator

In an obvious, heroic attempt to pad the episode, the Super Friends spend a bit of time trying to figure out where a radioed distress message came from because it cut off before he could tell them.

They all eventually end up in Cypressville, where Batman analyzed the plants left behind (don’t worry, he handled it with his “batgloves,” so that kept him safe), while Superman and Wonder Woman flew overhead to see if they could figure out what’s going on.

Yes! What’d I say?
“It appears to be some kind of growing, cosmic radiation” – Batman

“Something has given these leaves a strange form of life.” – Aquaman

I’m so glad we could get down to the true scientific explanation of the issue.

WTF Screenshots
Superman, Robin, and Batman pose for an early 90s hip-hop/R&B album.

Yet again, Zan and Jayna prove that they really haven’t thought about a consistent, solid travel plan. Zan turns into a rain cloud so they can go warn Florida City that the swamp things are coming. Jayna turns into a pigeon, where she’s eventually attacked by a hawk. Unfortunately, she gets away.

Somebody must have stepped on this poor man’s binoculars.

De-Coder Part II
Aquaman returns in his swimming pool to give us the second clue to the secret word. The second clue is the letter “e.” There’s also a third clue, because Aquaman just has to be special and different.


He’s rowing around in an inflatable boat and the clue is “The thing that’s helping me pick up speed. Sometimes this is called a paddle, but there’s another name for it. And, that name is the clue we’re looking for.” ALRIGHT, just shut.up!

I’m surprised he didn’t just flub the whole thing and say, “The clue is meteor. Oh, oops! That’s the word, not the clue.”

Oh, you thought none of the Super Friends would be contaminated by zombie plant radiation? You clearly haven’t been watching enough Super Friends.

Later, in Aquaman’s Under Sea Lab
They trap a plant creature and put him in a bell jar in the lab and try and develop an antidote for the plant-ing.

Aquaman and the Wonder Twins are, of course, completely stumped, so Aquaman contacts Professor Takamoto at Gotham University to bail him out.

Turns out they need florium, which is only found at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.  In case you were wondering, this is what florium looks like:

Good thing he brought that little crowbar.

You’re Not Doing That Right
I just moved, and they’re doing this all wrong. You need to protect them with furniture pads and really maximize the space of the van by stacking in rows, floor to ceiling. You don’t just toss them, they’ll get damaged that way.

This is Superman and Wonder Woman’s way of trying to clear the city of Plant Creatures. Notice they’re still infected, which is why they can touch the creatures – they have nothing to lose.

Oh, thank God, it’s over.
Aquaman shows up with the antidote and sprays all the infected Super Friends and the meteor with it, and all goes back to normal.

This is the third storyline, which is the longest, most cramped story in the hour-long episodes. In the end, when they’re screwing around at the Headquarters and letting us know what the lesson is, Gleek usually ends up doing something to make everyone laugh. This time he picked a fight with a plant and then got scared and ran away, and his tail spelled the same sentiment I often feel while watching the C storylines:

P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

How Moving and Cat Poop are Related

We officially no longer live in our house. But, it’s still our house, which means we still have a mortgage. While our renters wait for their house to sell, and while they decide if they want to buy our house, we don’t have an official home. We’re staying with my mom while we wait for everything to straighten itself out. My mom is generous to have us and while I don’t mind being home-home, you still don’t want to be in your mid-thirties and living with your mom even though it makes the most sense and reduces the amount of times we have to move our stuff. I just don’t want to hate my stuff more than I already do.

I think one of the reasons cats have such a holier-than-thou attitude is because they've seen the way dogs react to their poop.

What does this have to do with cat poop? When you have cats AND dogs, you have to spend a surprising amount of time trying to figure out how to “protect” cat poop. If you have cats and dogs, you also probably know the term for cat poop that is used to describe a dog’s maddening love of it – Tootsie Rolls.

Every time you move with your dogs and cats you have to re-figure out how to keep those precious tootsie rolls from constant threat. I think it’s one of life’s strangest predicaments. For us, the solution usually involves a closet and a baby gate.

When we move, I forget about this predicament because we did a really good job of solving the problem in our previous abode, like when people let their guards down during times of peace. Of course, it’s only a matter of time (that amount of time is easily measurable – it is the exact amount of time it takes for the cat to take his first shit in the new house) before I’m reminded that a fortress must be built around the Kingdom of Litter.

Our dog Ed is a turd connoisseur. I think he was feral at some point, which probably started his terrible hunger for poo, as it may have been his available meals. If Pizza Hut sold a Turd Lover’s Pizza, he’d eat it every day. His favorite soup would be turdle soup. He’d be disappointed by a pu pu platter. We don’t let him pick what he has for dinner, is what I’m saying.

He has the well-earned nickname “Turd Burglar.” He’ll burgle turds at every opportunity. Turds tremble in fear when they sense he is near. Seriously, the dude loves turds. That’s why, when Tom wanted to practice on his new photo editing program, he chose to create this:

You may be a world-class turd burglar, Ed, but this time the local tootsie rolls will only have folklore legends to pass down from generation to generation. “Hair as orange as John Boehner’s skin and a collar as green as grass, and he’d just as soon eat you as look at you.”

Rest easy, sweet turds, you’re safe for now. Turds in the backyard, I’m afraid you’re on your own.

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read to be read at yeahwrite.me
Adding this post to the Yeah Write weekly challenge. I had a lot of fun last week reading new blogs. You can lurk, hangout, or enter a post in the weekly challenge, then vote for your 5 favorites. Go check it out.