We officially no longer live in our house. But, it’s still our house, which means we still have a mortgage. While our renters wait for their house to sell, and while they decide if they want to buy our house, we don’t have an official home. We’re staying with my mom while we wait for everything to straighten itself out. My mom is generous to have us and while I don’t mind being home-home, you still don’t want to be in your mid-thirties and living with your mom even though it makes the most sense and reduces the amount of times we have to move our stuff. I just don’t want to hate my stuff more than I already do.
What does this have to do with cat poop? When you have cats AND dogs, you have to spend a surprising amount of time trying to figure out how to “protect” cat poop. If you have cats and dogs, you also probably know the term for cat poop that is used to describe a dog’s maddening love of it – Tootsie Rolls.
Every time you move with your dogs and cats you have to re-figure out how to keep those precious tootsie rolls from constant threat. I think it’s one of life’s strangest predicaments. For us, the solution usually involves a closet and a baby gate.
When we move, I forget about this predicament because we did a really good job of solving the problem in our previous abode, like when people let their guards down during times of peace. Of course, it’s only a matter of time (that amount of time is easily measurable – it is the exact amount of time it takes for the cat to take his first shit in the new house) before I’m reminded that a fortress must be built around the Kingdom of Litter.
Our dog Ed is a turd connoisseur. I think he was feral at some point, which probably started his terrible hunger for poo, as it may have been his available meals. If Pizza Hut sold a Turd Lover’s Pizza, he’d eat it every day. His favorite soup would be turdle soup. He’d be disappointed by a pu pu platter. We don’t let him pick what he has for dinner, is what I’m saying.
He has the well-earned nickname “Turd Burglar.” He’ll burgle turds at every opportunity. Turds tremble in fear when they sense he is near. Seriously, the dude loves turds. That’s why, when Tom wanted to practice on his new photo editing program, he chose to create this:
You may be a world-class turd burglar, Ed, but this time the local tootsie rolls will only have folklore legends to pass down from generation to generation. “Hair as orange as John Boehner’s skin and a collar as green as grass, and he’d just as soon eat you as look at you.”
Rest easy, sweet turds, you’re safe for now. Turds in the backyard, I’m afraid you’re on your own.
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Adding this post to the Yeah Write weekly challenge. I had a lot of fun last week reading new blogs. You can lurk, hangout, or enter a post in the weekly challenge, then vote for your 5 favorites. Go check it out.
That pictures is awesome, and yes, there are most certainly turd burglars among the canine species (let’s limit it to canines for the sake of this post.)
Baby gates are also awesome, although I’ve been known to face plant after trying to quickly step over them before. Thankfully, not into cat poop, although that would have tied everything together nicely, no?
Yes, I have many times missed the second leg clearance and hopped like a peg-legged pirate trying to steady himself.
I’ve also heard the clatter of a fallen baby gate due to poor/lazy baby gating on my part many, many times.
Thanks, Abby!
Why are dogs so weird?! Our Boxer loves goose turds the best but rabbit and antelope poo will do in a pinch.
In a strange way, I think it’s why I love dogs so much; they are incabable of shame or embarrassment and they always think they’re winning.
That’s true! They just don’t have that shame level us people have (most of us, anyway). Always optimists – dogs come across cat poop (or rabbit or antelope) and make the best of it.
I am really not hungry right now.
That’s so weird. I wonder why.
Oh my god, my officemates think I am insane, because I just cannot stop laughing.
I don’t have cats, never had, so I was unaware of this phenomenon. I do know of a dog’s love for all disgusting things, though.
And I don’t think any one post has ever used the word “turd” more often. So . . . bravo?
Great picture, Tom!
I have a feeling I’m going to have some very interesting search term results over the next few weeks. Probably some turd-related ones that will make me question the goodness in people.
Thanks, Misty! So few people truly understand my work.
I just can’t wait until you and Tom finally figure out that Turd Burglar needs to be made into a magazine or novel.
Screw that – blockbuster movie franchise!
We spent the first year bragging how smart our puppy was. Then watched him eat cat poop like it was a Snickers bar. We don’t brag so much anymore.
It’s like kryptonite to even the best behaved dogs. Except, instead of weakening their powers, it just makes them seem more gross.
My roommate’s dog did the same thing, but at first we didn’t realize what was going on. First, I was excited to never have to clean the litter box. Then I thought my cat might be sick. Then I caught the dog in the act. We used a baby gate, too.
PS: You’re my favorite comment today.
Hooray! Thanks, Thoughtsy!
I’m sure some of that was denial – you thought you found a cat that never pooped because you didn’t want to face the truth.
I have two dogs, and I’ve been thinking about getting a cat for quite a while.
You just changed my mind Carrie. My husband says thank you.
It’s not so bad once you figure out the setup. But, I do wonder if your smell sensitivity and a litter box would cause problems!
My dog licks up her pee off of the carpet. Can you make me an image of her being a Piss Swiller?
It sounds like the Turd Burglar has found himself a sidekick in the exciting film franchise.
Bahaha! This post gave me quite a laugh. Having never owned both types of pets at the same time this concept is new to me. However, I shall remember this advice for the day when we adopt a dog!
Don’t worry if you don’t remember the advice, you will be quickly reminded of it when the dog gets home!
Not having a Tootsie Roll supply (my parents don’t have cats), their chihuahua blissfully snacks on the adorable poo pellets left by the considerate rabbits that live in the woods behind their house. He gobbles them like my toddler eats M&Ms and hunts them down. It took my parents awhile after getting him to realize that no, he’s not just looking for a perfect spot to pee, he’s looking for dessert.
This is part of why we just have cats. That and while I hate cleaning litterboxes, I’m too lazy to get up and take a dog out. Maybe if I fence in my yard…
I’ve become very spoiled with the fenced-in yards.
Ed also goes “hunting” in the backyard, and it’s not for the perfect pee spot.
Nasty. In the winter, our dogs like to root under the snow for turdsicles, much like pigs and truffles. When I catch them snacking I have to run from the yard before I vomit. So. Gross.
Ed loves turdsicles, too.
We don’t have cats but our dog never misses an opportunity to drag a poopy diaper out of the trash can for a midnight snack. I especially love the nights when I step on his leftovers while I’m groggily making my way to the bathroom.
Wow, that is a great reminder if we have kids. Ed is going to love dirty diapers if he ever gets his snout on one.
Ick! That ain’t good. Cat poo makes your crazy.
Cat poo is a necessary evil. As is the actual cat.
I honestly had no idea that dogs had such a love for poop. I find that odd and interesting… thanks for teaching me something new?
Haha.
Education is very important to me.
AHAHAHA. Turd burglar. That’s the awesomest nickname ever! I don’t have cats so thankfully I have been able to avoid the burglaring of turds by my shitzu…well kinda. She does try and eat my baby’s diaper after hes taken a turd… but its like my alarm system that says he needs changing…
“Dirty Diaper Alarm” is a nice way of looking on the bright side!
I never knew!
There needs to be PSAs about it.
Funny! Good luck with all of that.
It’s all good once the initial issue is solved, save for the occasional break in.
We had cats until we found out some of our kids are allergic. Now we have a dog. A dog that is obsessed with dirty diapers. I saw someone else up there in the comments said the same thing. What in the world is appealing about a dirty diaper? Gah.
One baby’s dirty diaper is another dog’s buffet.
I think there’s something wrong with your dog. I’ve never had a dog that ate turds. Thet sniffed butts (other’s), licked crotches (their own), but none were turd eaters.
If you’ve never had a dog who loved cat turds, then you are a very lucky man.
My dog is not as enamored with poop as some dogs, but she goes nuts over hard boiled eggs. She rolls around in them like a mental patient.
We don’t give her eggs anymore.
That’s probably for the best. My cat loves potatoes. Really.
Years ago, I somehow convinced myself that I had the smartest cats in the world. They used one box for poo, and the other was for only pee. Then I had an aha moment and realized that I just had a dog acting as an automatic turd disposal. She could only get to the “pee” box.
Ha! Another commenter had the same thing but she thought she had a cat who NEVER pooped. The things we’ll believe to avoid the truth.
Turd Lover’s Pizza! Bwaaahahahahahaha….
And he wouldn’t share, either. Not that I’d want him to, of course.
Too funny! I’ve never had dogs and cats at the same time so I didn’t realize. . .silly me. Good luck with your move!
Thanks!
We have a cat poop eating dog too. ugh. Takes care of the cat poop – but oh what it does to his breath. Heaven sakes alive.
And they don’t even care that their breath is bad! No manners.
Carrie, I think you may have unlocked one of the secrets of the universe with this line:
“I think one of the reasons cats have such a holier-than-thou attitude is because they’ve seen the way dogs react to their poop.”
Hilarious post. By the way, we call our Yorkie’s poop Tootsie Rolls too and she acts a lot like a cat. I wonder how she would react to cat poop…
See, I’ve got you actually wondering whether your dog would eat poo – this means I’m that much closer to achieving some goal I haven’t thought of yet.
This post is even more hilariously disgusting than the first time I read it. I’ve got a dog WHO EATS HIS OWN SHIT. Like when he craps on the carpet, and all you find is him munching nearby with a few molecules of crap left. Man’s best friend is gross.
Ed does this as well, but it all happens outside. We have an unspoken agreement about it.
Carrie, is this the most commented-upon entry here? If so, I would not be surprised.
My parents used to have a truly clueless dog who yes, repeatedly ate his own shit as well as his vomit (the latter is a universal dog thing just about, isn’t it?). He also did not take well with being house trained, so that sort of thing came in handy. “Hey Mom, Buck crapped in the floor again…oh wait, it’s gone.”
Yes, most comments because of the link up with Yeah Write!
That happens here between the dogs and cat vomit, sometimes I’ll even move extra slow to get the paper towels because I know it will get taken care of. I’m awful.
you describe the dance so well 🙂
Ha, thanks!
Turd Burglar. That’s all I can say. Hilarious.
Oh my gosh. I nearly died laughing! We have several turd burglars at our house and yes, that’s what we call them too. You have so eloquently put into words the struggle that we have had for years. Clumping cat litter can NOT be good for a canine digestive system.
Hahaha! Dontcha just love the word turd? Or is that just me? (see Pinterest fave: http://pinterest.com/pin/128985976798134040/) Such a hilarious description of the turd burgler.
lord the shit you can find on the internet. who knew?? I’ve always only ever (that’s a lot of adverbs, sorry) had cats, never dogs, so I didn’t know about this particular menu item. so you’re saying if i want a dog to love me, i should feed him poop? hmm. this does not recommend the species to me, i have to say : )