Month: December 2011

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep13

“The Mysterious Moles”

Original Airdate: December 1, 1973

Short Synopsis: Marvin, Wendy, and Wonder Dog are riding their bikes, which kids apparently did back in the 1970s, and they think someone moved an oak tree while their backs were turned, and see what looks like giant chicken tracks. Plus, four air conditioning units are stolen from four different buildings. This is all cause for concern, of course.

Maximus and Minimus Mole are the baddies in this episode, they are renowned spelunkers. Maximus is trying to find the elusive “Bottomless Cave.” We know this because Superman and Wonder Woman have read books by Maximus Mole. This is what they look like. Mrs. Mole is a handsome woman.

“It’s not a national disaster, but if it continues, we may have to take action.” – Superman
Are you kidding, Superman? Every time anybody misplaces their keys, y’all investigate. Lazily and incompetently, but you investigate.

WTF Screenshots
Wonder Woman’s earring is just shoved into the side of her face.

Superman crouches near a valuable air conditioner, his pinhead propped on top of his super body.

Max Mole seems to be a former member of the Manson Family.

Here’s Marvin, Wonder Dog, and Wendy floating down an underwater river in the cap of a giant mushroom.

Shut up, Batman. And Robin.
“A proper place for air conditioning thieves, the cooler.” – Batman
“How come a housewife was dressed in mountain climbing gear?” – Robin

THINK SESSION!
“This requires a combined think session by the Super Friends” – Batman

“Meanwhile, in the Hall of the Justice League, the Super Friends are engaged in a Think Session, utilizing their super brainpower to solve the mystery of the missing air conditioners.” – Narrator

Guess Who Ended Up in the Bottomless Cave
Yes, Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog end up in the Bottomless Cave while the Super Friends are dicking around during their “Think Session.” The Bottomless Cave does have a bottom, and at the bottom is “Molesville.”

The water in Molesville allows trees to move around. And, there are giant diamonds in the cave, but the Moles need air conditioners to keep the area cool so they can stay down there to extract the…it’s a whole thing. But,  ultimately, this episode was literally about the stolen airconditioners, which makes it the lamest “mystery” so far, which is saying a lot.

Wow, how did you put that together, Wonder Woman?
“Min and Max are short for Minimus and Maximus Mole!” – Wonder Woman

Where does Wendy find the time?
And of course, it wouldn’t be a victory for the Super Friends unless Wendy feeds everyone afterwards. This week, she provided a picnic. And, notice that it seems like the Super Friends are enjoying the meal while Marvin and Wendy have to watch from a distance, getting nothing and liking it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, the first season is available on DVD.

I’m Warning You, Don’t Put a Baby in There

I have some plastic bins from Ikea:

This is a plastic bin from Ikea - put stuff in it.

These bins have my most favorite warning stickers that I’ve actually seen in person:

Ikea is kind enough to show you why you shouldn’t put a baby in the bin if it isn’t small enough to completely fit inside – you can’t stack, which means you can’t maximize baby storage space.

I Once Pulled a Muscle Being Versatile

Yelling Near You and Thoughts Appear were kind enough to award me this:

The rules are:
1. Show the award on my blog
2. Compose a short dedication to the persons who awarded them the award
3. Write a list of five things for their readers that detail things about themselves their readers don’t know, and then
4. Pay the love forward to five bloggers that they feel deserve to receive the Versatile Blogger Award, too.

Number one, done! Must fight typical “I need to take a celebratory break from getting so much done!” reaction and move on. So, two great blogs:

Yelling Near You (Mark and Bitsy, Bitsy and Mark) is great for many reasons:
– Mark is the resource for all of your Canadian advertisement needs.
– He also believes that “mid-season finale” is as idiotic as I do.
– They have an adorable big orange dog who gets his picture taken a lot (and gets his teeth brushed with Mark’s toothbrush).
– Bitsy hasn’t lost her sense of humor despite a cast, medication, acne, and sweating.

Thoughts Appear’s Blog is also great for many reasons:
– She is the resource for all of your Pop Tart information needs.
– Thanks to her, I don’t have to watch Children of the Corn 7 and many other movies which she has bravely endured and passed on the pertinent facts from.
– She just got back together with her boyfriend, squeeeee!
– She found a mysterious hole in the woods and didn’t go see what was in there, which probably saved her life, but also left a mystery we will never know the answer to.

Things you don’t know about me but now do:
1. My lack of a sense of a direction has left me in tears on multiple occasions, and one time, because I missed an exit on the highway, I ended up going on a Christmas hay ride with my aunt and uncle, who had to rescue me and didn’t have time to get me home.
2. One time as a teen I got the two family cars stuck together while trying to back out of the garage. It was amazing.
3. I was born in and have always lived in the South, and I can’t stand humid heat. When I went to the Utah desert July of last year, I realized that there is such a thing as “dry heat” and became very jealous.
4. Tom and I have owned three houses (not at once), and our current house is for sale, in anticipation of hopefully moving back to N.C. and owning our fourth fucking house.  Every time we know we’re going to end up in a new house, we convince ourselves that this time we will become responsible, capable adults who get shit done. It didn’t happen the first three times but I KNOW this time will be different.
5. When I get hungry and my blood sugar drops, I become a black hole that sucks all joy and fun out of the immediate area. That person’s nickname is Scarrie. She is the reason Tom sometimes says things like “we need to feed her,” which once offended my neighbor on behalf of me, and I assured her, there’s no offense to be taken, because that’s how bad it is. The fear of encountering Scarrie has also caused my sister to not be willing to give her husband a granola bar she had because she knew I’d need it later. And I did need it later, and catastrophe was averted that day.

And five nominated blogs, all of which I’ve had the pleasure discovering from blogging (and Twittering):
Our Daily Escape
Guapola
My Blog Can Beat up Your Blog
Ach du Lieber, Jayne!
Going to Mensa

Now, I really need to eat something…

Pop Culture Haiku: John Travolta Tries to Make a Reservation at KFC and US Decides this is Newsworthy.

Dear US magazine,
there’s a special place in hell –
“Finger-lickin’ rude.”

Dear John Travolta,
KFC is not a place
where you need ressies.

 

Forgetful Forgetful Grandma

My grandma, Mama Dot (my dad’s mom), was a true character. I hope to be as sassy as she was someday. She was this fantastic combination of the ultimate nurturer and illogical judgment, as I’m sure many grandmas are.

For example, she stocked her cupboards with candy so that her grandkids could gorge themselves on Reece’s cups and York peppermint patties. Then, she’d admonish us for not wanting to eat dinner.

She was a very generous Christmas gift-giver. I didn’t have to come from a broken home to get two Christmas stockings, because she did them for EVERYONE – four grandkids, three children, two in-laws, then, eventually, two in-law grandkids. She would also give us several Christmas presents – a mixture of whatever she randomly chose, and a nice number of things from our specific lists. This of course meant she was buying things that she had no clue about. And, really, who would care to learn more about plastic ponies with pictures on their asses?

One year, either my sister or I had asked for Hungry Hungry Hippos. Here is the ad:

Hungry Hungry Hippos is one of those toys that no one who lives with you wants you to have. It is noisy, it has marbles as game parts, and, usually within the first day, at least one hippo commits suicide. Plus, once you take the dancing cartoon hippos and catchy jingle away, all you have left is the game, which is entirely lame.

But, that’s not the point. The point is that to a kid, the colorful Hungry Hungry Hippos ad makes this game look like a fine way to spend your time, and we wanted it. And we got it. Mama Dot got it for us.

“Hooray!” we exclaimed to ourselves in our minds because we’re both introverts, we got Hungry Hungry Hippos! We immediately opened and set it up, and commenced with de-hungering the Hippos.

Now, if you didn’t watch the commercial, watch it. You will notice that you don’t actually HEAR the game being played. You hear the ecstatic giggles of the children, and you hear the very loud jingle. There’s a reason for that. HHH sounds like a construction site but instead of jackhammers, there are hippos, and instead of cat calls, there are marbles rolling around.

So, when my sister and I happily started our first game (and that is the only time you happily play HHH), Mama Dot walking by, stopped, and exclaimed:

Mama Dot: Who in the hell got you that!?
Us: You did!
Mama Dot: I most certainly did not.
Our Mother (knowing very well who the hell got us that): Yes, you did.
Mama Dot: I think I would know if I got something like that. I wouldn’t get something like that.

After much back and forth, it was established that yes, Mama Dot had gotten us this thing that was filling the house with the sounds of plastic clacking and clanging like awful Christmas bells.

It was actually a running gag in our family – aunts and uncles would get their nieces and nephews noisy toys on purpose. My parents won this contest because they got my nephew an extremely noisy police car. My aunt and uncle thought the torture would be over when the batteries ran out. They swear that the battery somehow fused with the casement to create a never-ending lifespan. You didn’t even have to play with it. If you looked at it wrong it would yell, “STOP! Pull over!”

However, my grandma never participated in this tradition because we actually stayed at her house, so she knew it would eventually bite her in the ass. Needless to say, she was very disappointed to find out that she had brought Hungry Hungry Hippos on herself. But, it never stopped her from complaining about how we have too much stuff, about 25% of which was her fault.

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This post was written in response to Studio30 Plus’ prompt: The Gift