1. It’s time for me to get my biannual haircut.
2. I’m currently on hold to switch the water bill/account back to us for a whole flippin’ month. The estimated wait time on the phone is 18 minutes. The water resources wait music follows the same proud tradition of the Georgia DMV – one minute clip of muzak repeated over and over and over. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do – drive me to go online. I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT WITH ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL. It’s what I was born to do – run errands without having to leave my house or speak to anyone. Unfortunately, your user experience is seriously lacking and I don’t want to have to start a whole new account if I don’t have to. SO HA HA HA, jokes on you, I’m going to sit here and suffer. Oh, wait.
3. In related news, we got an offer on our house! Hooray! This is why I have to activate the water, gas, and electricity for exactly one month – the time between renters and new owners. If everything keeps moving forward smoothly (like the smooth jazz I’m currently listening to), we’ll close on December 31st.
4. My call is very important to them.
5. I’m sincerely starting to worry that I will have forgotten what I called about, panic, tell them to have a nice day, hang up, and have to start again.
6. Tom is currently making lunch while I’m here on hold. I’d like some lunch. Or maybe I’ve never had lunch before. My sense of self is slowly being replaced by this one minute of smooth jazz.
7. “We hear you want some water, some water, waaatteeer, want some water” is the lyrics to the song I’m listening to. I wrote these lyrics, they are copyrighted so don’t even think about it, Gwinnett County Water Resources.
8. I’ve had the thought – “maybe we don’t really NEED to have the water on for the next month.” But then I thought – “what if someone breaks in, notices there’s no water, so they take a shit on the carpet instead of in the toilet.” My second thought was about how the water needs to be on so that the plumber can properly fix a couple of leaky faucets.
9. I’m on the phone with the lady and she’s typing away so I’m going to type too. Typing twins!
10. Now I have to call the gas company. Their hold muzak is more generic Eric Clapton than smooth jazzy jazz.
11. Do not giggle and report a gas leak that you noticed shortly after eating a burrito. Do not giggle and report a gas leak that you noticed shortly after eating a burrito. Do not….
12. This lady is chewing gum. I hope it brings her a little pleasure during her day of having to talk to idiots like me.
13. Now I have to listen to a robot explain the terms and conditions. Let me get my pen and paper! I’m just kidding robot, I’m not listening.
14. “To end this call, please hang up.” I actually sat through the message long enough to be told that.
15. I thank you for reaching the end of this post, you as a reader are important to me. Be-ba-di-do-wop-a-diddly-doo.
This post was inspired by: Studio30Plus‘ writing prompt, me needing something to do while on hold, and seriously extensive writer’s block.
27 thoughts on “15 Thoughts While I Wait on Hold for Utility Service”
You sold your house! Yay!
Yes! It was a very nice surprise – less than a week on the market. The trick was not asking for too much money, or really any money at all.
Yeah. That trick sucks.
It really, really does. But, it also means we don’t own the house anymore, and can now have a fresh debt with a new house.
There’s nothing like the smell of fresh debt in the morning.
One time I found the WORLD’S BEST HOLD MUSIC, only it wasn’t music, it was RANDOM FACTS and they were always fresh and I used to call the place and ask to be put on hold and they asked me to quit calling and then they went out of business. And I have never found such happiness again.
Congratulations on the house!
Thanks! I would MUCH rather have random facts as hold music – that would be awesome. Although the fact that it went out of business argues for excruciating muzak, I guess.
I once actually asked to be put back on hold until the song ended.
But it was a really good song.
It must have been an amazing song.
My least favorite thing is when they have that one minute of looped muzak–but they interrupt it every 15 seconds to assure me that my call is important to them. That brief moment of silence between muzak and recorded sleezeball always gives me hope that an actual person has answered my call, only to be quickly replaced by crushing despair and impending madness.
In other news, congratulations on the house sale! Yay new house.
Word. That drives me batty as well.
Yes, they did the dead air, then ads thing and it really is such a let down.
Congrats on selling your house! And that comes from someone who listed their house for way too much money, then had to sit on it for 4 years before they got about $100,000 less for it than if they had listed it lower in the first place. Sigh. But, yay to you!!
That is a brilliant song. And I’m glad you warned everyone that it is copyrighted, because I would have snatched that up so fast! You are gonna make millions.
Yeah, if we had just listed it at a low price 3-4 years ago, things would have been very, very different! At this point we’re just glad to be rid of it (soon, knock on wood).
Why so high-maintenance?
I know, I’m such a diva. I also don’t want the stylist to make eye contact or small talk, but that’s more because I’m socially awkward.
Sometimes I think those ‘on hold’ recordings are masking subliminal messages to get us to hang up the call.
I think so, too. There is no other earthly way to explain the Georgia DMV one.
Congrats on the house! Isn’t it frustrating how picky home buyers are these days with their “It has to spacious and it has to have running water and electricity.”
I know, and I can’t wait to get to be one of those picky buyers instead of the homeowner who judges them for their pickiness.
Yay! Very exciting news, what a nice way to end the year for you guys!
I think everyone should blog their hold expeirences!
Ha! I would love to know other peoples’ lyrics to hold muzak.
My favorite was #11 because I have gotten the giggles while waiting for a live person as well. 😉
I always assume that the operator is just sitting there listening to me talk to my dogs and curse.
Congrats on selling the house!
ALso, I’m impressed you’re not still on hold.