Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline D – “The Secret Four”
Original Airdate: September 17, 1977
Short Synopsis: We open at the Metropolis Industrial Center, where a multi-million dollar oil refinery has just been completed. Suddenly, the ground splits open, sucking in several vats/structures, then seals itself closed again, contributing to the confusion of East Coast children in the 70s about what actually happens during an earthquake.
Then, four glowing disembodied heads show up, floating over where the refinery used to be. “Beware, this is only the first. The Secret Four has spoken.”
I’ve already got a clue about the identities of The Secret Four – there isn’t a good communicator or writer among them.
They want to force people to use alternate forms of fuel so we don’t deplete our natural resources.
Superman decides this is a job for Superman, Batman, and Robin.
The Secret Four
The Secret Four live in what looks like a Haunted Mansion.
The Secret Four wear their burkha-Snuggies even when they are meeting by themselves in the privacy of their Haunted Mansion.
The Secret Four like to announce ahead of time, in front of God, Super Friends, and everyone, what their next target will be. They announce that “a train, carrying millions of gallons of oil” will be next. The Secret Fours’ identities are secret, but their menacing schemes are not.
The Secret Four then say dumb-ass things like “The Super Friends must learn not to interfere with us…” after they have made a public announcement describing what they are going to do.
WTF Screenshots
This man was so worried, his eyebrows disappeared and then reappeared.
Here’s Batman and Robin being carried off in a big pink tornado. This is how The Secret Four manage to take B&R prisoner.
It was an expensive investment, but worth it.
When The Secret Four get Batman and Robin back to the Haunted Mansion, they explain that B&R shouldn’t bother trying to escape because B&R are in a jail cell, stuck on a platform, and “the floor below you is rigged to fall open at the slightest touch, dropping you both down into a natural pool of boiling tar.”
I know what you’re thinking, but you’d be surprised. It is actually a great investment. The top three renovations you can do to your home which will create the highest profit margins after sale are 1. kitchen, 2. bathrooms, 3. jail cells with rigged floors that fall open to natural pools of boiling tar.
While The Secret Four may make a killing on resale, they didn’t think to check Batman and Robin for suction boots, so they’re shit out of luck for the immediate future.
Who Are The Secret Four?
I know you’ve been dying to find out. Well, you’re not going to believe it!
It’s the industrialists from the beginning of the episode!!!!! Who are the industrialists at the beginning of the episode? Oh, sorry, I didn’t think they were important enough to get a screen shot. Let me just go back…and…here you go:
YES! It was totally them, all along! They didn’t have any lines and just stood around at the refinery opening. Can you believe it!? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I’ll never be the same again.
Yes, Superman just patted Batman on the head like a dog.
“And that’s the last I want to see of hooded figures, except for my good trusty hooded super-friend.”
If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.
So it was all about insurance fraud? Wow, important lesson to be learned from this one. Awesome, as always, Carrie!
So many lessons: check for suction boots, don’t announce your evil schemes beforehand, villains always stand in the same order, the list goes on and on…
I’m having a hard time believing that the industrialists were responsible. Would they really use *natural* pools of boiling tar? There’s more going on here that meets the eyebrow.
Ha! Natural boiling tar is the only way to go. Unnatural tar has so many additives and chemicals in it.
I just think you should know that I was 7 years and 13 days old when this first aired. That means I probably had my chin propped on my hands, lying on my belly on the family room floor, next to my sister, watching this and enjoying our giant Saturday morning bowls of ice cream while our parents slept upstairs.
Mmmm, ice cream. Don’t get it too close to the boiling tar, it will melt.
Those four look like the dudes at the contraception congressional hearings. So, they got off alternate energy resources and are going after sex, now?
At some point during the Super friends, Joel Siegl and Bob Kane (creators of superman and Batman) had to have made some angry phone calls to people.
I read this with my 8-year-old. She wants suction boots for her birthday. You’re playing the role of Cool Aunt Carrie too hard, dude.
Woo hoo, Cool Aunt Carrie! Don’t show her the episode with the dude that has the little trampoline boots, I’m pretty sure those actually exist.
oh good grief, no. No tramp boots!
We just had our jail cell with rigged floors that fall open to natural pools of boiling tar remodeled last year. We had them install a suction cup proof ceiling. It was expensive but totally worth it.
Oh, you’ll definitely see your money back on that one. Ours has a shag carpet ceiling and it’s one of the biggest complaints from potential buyers.