Tag: Pop Culture

Season 2, Episode 4, Storyline C – “Day of the Plant Creatures”

Original Airdate: October 3, 1977

Short Synopsis: “Big Cypress Swamp, deep in the Florida Everglades, where all is peaceful and silent, except for the scattered cries of swamp creatures.” – Narrator

My guess is that the swamp creatures are crying because they know the Super Friends are going to visit.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a meteor falls into the swamp.

The radiation (I’m assuming it’s radiation since it’s glowing red stuff) causes the local fauna to become creatures straight out of Scooby Doo.

They then make their way to the closest town, Cypressville, and scare the shit out of two locals and a whole truckload of chickens. The chickens get loose, and, well, here, you’ll just have to see it:

Not only can they convert chickens to their Swamp-Monster-based-religion, they can turn humans, too:

“What is this strange contagious life force that turns people into zombie-like plant creatures?” – Narrator

In an obvious, heroic attempt to pad the episode, the Super Friends spend a bit of time trying to figure out where a radioed distress message came from because it cut off before he could tell them.

They all eventually end up in Cypressville, where Batman analyzed the plants left behind (don’t worry, he handled it with his “batgloves,” so that kept him safe), while Superman and Wonder Woman flew overhead to see if they could figure out what’s going on.

Yes! What’d I say?
“It appears to be some kind of growing, cosmic radiation” – Batman

“Something has given these leaves a strange form of life.” – Aquaman

I’m so glad we could get down to the true scientific explanation of the issue.

WTF Screenshots
Superman, Robin, and Batman pose for an early 90s hip-hop/R&B album.

Yet again, Zan and Jayna prove that they really haven’t thought about a consistent, solid travel plan. Zan turns into a rain cloud so they can go warn Florida City that the swamp things are coming. Jayna turns into a pigeon, where she’s eventually attacked by a hawk. Unfortunately, she gets away.

Somebody must have stepped on this poor man’s binoculars.

De-Coder Part II
Aquaman returns in his swimming pool to give us the second clue to the secret word. The second clue is the letter “e.” There’s also a third clue, because Aquaman just has to be special and different.

He’s rowing around in an inflatable boat and the clue is “The thing that’s helping me pick up speed. Sometimes this is called a paddle, but there’s another name for it. And, that name is the clue we’re looking for.” ALRIGHT, just shut.up!

I’m surprised he didn’t just flub the whole thing and say, “The clue is meteor. Oh, oops! That’s the word, not the clue.”

Oh, you thought none of the Super Friends would be contaminated by zombie plant radiation? You clearly haven’t been watching enough Super Friends.

Later, in Aquaman’s Under Sea Lab
They trap a plant creature and put him in a bell jar in the lab and try and develop an antidote for the plant-ing.

Aquaman and the Wonder Twins are, of course, completely stumped, so Aquaman contacts Professor Takamoto at Gotham University to bail him out.

Turns out they need florium, which is only found at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.  In case you were wondering, this is what florium looks like:

Good thing he brought that little crowbar.

You’re Not Doing That Right
I just moved, and they’re doing this all wrong. You need to protect them with furniture pads and really maximize the space of the van by stacking in rows, floor to ceiling. You don’t just toss them, they’ll get damaged that way.

This is Superman and Wonder Woman’s way of trying to clear the city of Plant Creatures. Notice they’re still infected, which is why they can touch the creatures – they have nothing to lose.

Oh, thank God, it’s over.
Aquaman shows up with the antidote and sprays all the infected Super Friends and the meteor with it, and all goes back to normal.

This is the third storyline, which is the longest, most cramped story in the hour-long episodes. In the end, when they’re screwing around at the Headquarters and letting us know what the lesson is, Gleek usually ends up doing something to make everyone laugh. This time he picked a fight with a plant and then got scared and ran away, and his tail spelled the same sentiment I often feel while watching the C storylines:

P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Season 2, Episode 4, Storyline B – “Drag Race”

Original Airdate: October 3, 1977

Safety Segment

Batman and Robin are in their batjet and they notice a skateboarder rolling down a steep hill. They must have been flying pretty low to the ground. – isn’t that unsafe?

This young man has lost control and ended up in the middle of the street. Oh no! Who’s going to save him? Batman tells Robin to quickly get the “batrope,” and then, they drive up IN THE BATMOBILE and save him.

Short Synopsis: “As another day of study ends at Central High School.” – Narrator

As another day of study ends at Central High School, what, Narrator? He must have drifted off to sleep, that sweet, drunk old man.

We are introduced to Gary and his friends. Gary has a fast car that “will beat any car around.” Lo and behold, just when Gary is bragging about his wheels, another car that makes those sounds that fast cars make that also sound like they’re about to break down, rolls up.

“Think you can take me?” Gary says in that tone, you all know what I’m talking about. If you’ve seen Grease, you know what I mean.

“We’ll see at this Saturday’s Drag Meet,” says the unnamed guy. I didn’t know there were drag “meets,” like track and field or swimming. I don’t know anything about cars or racing, so it could either be my ignorance or Super Friends just making things up. Each are equally possible.

Gary, You Rebel!
Gary doesn’t want to wait until Saturday’s Drag Meet, he wants to have his own “unofficial drag meet right here.”

Say what? I would never drag race unless the results would be officially recognized by the NDMA – National Drag Meet Association (I made that up). I wouldn’t want to miss out in the annual “Drag Racers We Lost This Year” montage if I were to die in the unofficial race. The NDMA is very serious about that kind of stuff.

Then, the naysayer friend with an ascot butts in and informs them that “drag racing is against the law, AND you could get killed.” Ascot Doug, who does not look like a teenager:

It’s hard to take people seriously when they wear an ascot. The only exception is Michael Corleone – if he tells you not to drag race, don’t do it.

Gary doesn’t listen to Ascot Doug, and they decide to race anyway

WTF Screenshot
Did Gary just get rescued from a deserted island? The ragged cut-offs and missing shoes seem to suggest that. What an amazing attention to detail the writers and animators give to the back story of these characters.

Ascot Doug is a Snitch

How loud is a yelling bucket of water?
Zan and Jayna arrive after the race has already started, of course. They fly over the noisily racing cars and yell at them to stop. You know what may have worked? The sight of an eagle carrying a monkey with a yelling bucket of water, but they were above the cars and couldn’t be seen.

Gary’s car ends up in that classic bind – teetering over the edge of a canyon.

Zan and Jayna turn into an elephant and an “ice bridge.” Instead of just making the ice bridge right below the car, Zan lines himself up to the right of it. The passengers get out safely, but the car plummets into the “excavation site.” I’m sure this was solely done so that a lesson could be taught.

“Somehow winning the race wasn’t worth it, especially after losing my car.” – A humbled Gary, who still felt he needed to point out that he won the race.

De-Coder, Part One
Oh, boy, it’s Aquaman. He seems to be trespassing in a local swimming pool, here to give us the first part of the secret word.

“I’m just checking the swimming lines for the Super Friends Swim Event.”

Is this what they’ve come to? Creating swimming events for Aquaman to win just so he feels good about himself?

He says the first clue is one of the last two words in this sign. For those of us who can’t read, he even announces that it’s either “meet” or “today.” That’s not a clue, dude, that’s giving us a 50% chance at guessing. Aquaman can’t do anything right.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Season 2, Episode 3, Storyline A – “Doctor Fright”

Original Airdate: October 1, 1977

Short Synopsis: “A warm summer night falls on Metropolis, but, unknown to the citizens below, a strange visitor is headed their way.” – Narrator

This strange visitor rides around in a purple blimp with henchmen dressed as sailors.

Doctor Fright is his name, and fear is his game. Fear in the form of gas his blimp releases, which causes everyone to panic.

Doctor Fright is not what you’d imagine he’d look like. He looks to me a lot like Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes, with a little bit of Inspector Gadget thrown in.

The Super Friends are told of this dastardly deed, and Superman and Wonder Woman are dispatched to try and help.

You know, if you’re going to basically have a villain with the same M.O. as Batman’s Scarecrow, why not just have it be Scarecrow? While I know it wouldn’t have allowed me to mention the name Benedict Cumberbatch, which is one of my most favorite names, I don’t see how that would have had any bearing in the 1970s when this episode was being made. So weird.

For a man named after it, you don’t seem to understand the concept of fear.
Doctor Fright is making everyone afraid of everything because he thinks when people are afraid, they won’t commit crimes. “Total peace on earth,” he exclaims to himself.

I know I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life, but even the brutal beatings I’ve seen bees and spiders take at the hands of screaming people has shown me that terrible things can happen when people are afraid.

WTF Screenshot
Superman thinks he can pick up the location of the blimp with his super hearing. He seems quite surprised that it worked.

I always think they can’t top themselves, and then they do.
You know, sometimes, I sit here, watching this ridiculous show, and I think, maybe I could be doing more with my time. Maybe I could help people, or plant a tree, or volunteer more. But, then, while I ponder my life choices, Superman gets sprayed with fear gas, and becomes a quivering blob of wimp because he’s afraid of a house cat.

And my faith is restored.

Superman no longer has any chance with Wonder Woman
Wonder Woman comes to Superman’s aid:

And then, she has to climb a ladder with him hanging on her back because he’s afraid of heights.

Then, they go to the Metropolis Science Institute. Somehow, the scientist there knows exactly what the antidote is and gives it to Superman, who is just a mess after the ordeal of seeing a cat and climbing a ladder.

Then, he vaccinates them or something, so that they are no longer affected by the gas.

The Real Hero
Superman and Wonder Woman, freshly inoculated, show up at the blimp again. When Doctor Fright tries to spray them with the gas, again, this time it doesn’t work, and they turn the tables on him, even though that probably should have happened the first time too since they’re in a small enclosed space:

Wonder Woman climbs the Fear Gas thermos and dumps in some neutralizing pellets that the scientist gave her.

So, three cheers for the actual hero of this story, the nameless Metropolis Science Institute scientist!

P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Season 2, Episode 3, Storyline D – “Space Emergency”

Original Airdate: September 24, 1977

Magic, Part 1
I know we’ve already seen it before, but I still need to take a moment and dwell on the fact the Superfriends (one word on this sign, two in the show) have their own “Magic Theater.” Where is it located? Is it in the Hall of Justice? Do they do shows? Can you buy an annual pass? What the hell?

This week, Aquaman tells us we will amaze our friends with this magic trick. All we need is:

“We know that paper is easily torn. Even thin wood is much stronger than paper, usually, but these news pages can cause these boards to break.” Then, he takes a “stick,” beats the board with it, and breaks the board.  He says he’ll let us know how he can “break this board as the result of the way I put this paper on it.” If this isn’t making any sense to you, it’s because it doesn’t make any sense. As far as I can tell, this is the “magic trick” –

I have a feeling he’s showing us how to do the magic trick first, and then we’ll find out what the end result/illusion is later. But, he didn’t say that. Aquaman is a horrible teacher.

Short Synopsis: This week is called “Space Emergency.” Guess what!? There’s an emergency in space! Some astronauts, their shuttle, and Sky Lab are all in trouble – sirens are blazing, there is smoke and shaky camera work – oh no! They’re heading toward “deep space” with only an hour of life support left.

Hawkman and Hawkgirl
This week’s special guests are Hawkman and Hawkgirl. They’re teaming up with Wonder Woman.

I was going to complain about the man/girl name assignments, then, I saw on Wikipedia that she re-named herself Hawkwoman in the early 1980s. Miss Hawkwoman if you’re nasty.

This is their obscene airplane:

The Sky Lab is Headed Straight for the Sun!
The space shuttle and Sky Lab get separated because of the incompetent Vector/Lock button pushing, making this Space EMERGENCIES, now.

Hawkman lets Wonder Woman know that Sky Lab is hurtling toward the sun and Wonder Woman responds with:

“I’ve got to reach it before tremendous heat destroys it.” – Wonder Woman

And they don’t respond with, “yeah, no shit,” which is the most unrealistic thing about this whole episode.

Magic, Part II
I want my money back. I didn’t pay for this magic trick lesson, but I should still get my money back. I’m actually filled with rage right now.

Aquaman explains the magic trick is that when he hits the board with the stick and the newspaper isn’t laid over the board, the board just flips off the table, but when the newspaper is laid over the board, like so:

THEN, that allows the board to be broken because there’s enough resistance against the newspaper.

Except, you know what? YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE NEWSPAPER ON THE FIRST BOARD WHEN YOU BROKE IT. I hate you, animators. I hate you, Aquaman. That is not a magic trick.

WTF Screenshots
Forget the space emergency, Wonder Woman, and The Hawks, what’s going on with this guy? I want to know his story. What’s in his pocket? Maybe his butt itches? Who is he?

How does Wonder Woman save the Sky Lab? “Flying in circles at hypersonic speed, Wonder Woman creates an artificial planet with grrrravity.” – Narrator.  Yeah, sure she did.

While trying to help the space shuttle by attaching “an umbilical lifeline” to it, Hawkman runs into some trouble. “I’ve got to protect myself from these meteors!” Top of my list of ideas: wear a shirt.

Health
“You know, Robin, quite often people choke on a piece of food they’re eating.” –Batman

And then, this happened:

You’ve been a great audience, good night!

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.