Sometimes my “Imagination” is Staggering

I’m a pretty rational person. But I also like to over-think things, roll them over and over like a crocodile. I tend to think of every scenario, every possibility, and still end up knowing and realizing that the most rational conclusion is the right one, but my mind still likes to go through the motions.

Sometimes, though, the wires get crossed and my brain starts at the furthest, “most imaginative” (i.e. stupidest) conclusion. And it usually happens for things that wouldn’t cause me to start the obsessive mulling process because the answer should be entirely obvious.

Yesterday, I was putting away laundry (yes, my life is exciting), and in my dimly lit bedroom, I saw two marks on the inside of my arm. Two nice, lined up marks about a half inch apart. The very first thought that entered my mind was:

“Oh my God, I’ve been bitten by a vampire.”

Not, “huh, what is that.” Not, “are those bug bites?” Not, “let me go to a well lit area and see what that is.” Nope, I had been bitten by a vampire.

Now, mind you, a split second after that thought, my thought was “are you fucking kidding me, brain?” But, still, that is the first thing it offered up and that’s frightening to me.

And it turned out, it was ONE puncture and ONE freckle. I’m pretty certain the puncture is from the cat, who scratches me so much I rarely even stop to register it.

And now you see, that if a vampire would to have bitten me, it would have been a one-fanged, tiny, incompetent vampire, who goes for the inner arm and not the neck, nor anywhere near any veins. And, on top of all of that – I didn’t notice it.

Thanks a lot, brain. And, I’ve even been pretty good to my brain – rarely any drinking, no drugs, etc. So there’s really no excuse.

Another example is way back when the movie Hook came out. The night after I saw that movie, I was roused from my slumber and noticed a small pinpoint of light on my pillow. My first thought was that it was Tinkerbell. And no, I’m not so young that it was adorable. I was like, 15. It was light coming in through the blinds. Like it always fucking does.

I suppose literal sleep and putting away laundry could make my brain go into sleep mode and these thoughts are the moment when one moves the mouse and the screen saver goes away. But, still, I can’t help but shake my head in disappointment.

Has anyone else not been bitten by a vampire?

6 thoughts on “Sometimes my “Imagination” is Staggering”

  1. Dude, I can’t TELL you how many times I’ve noticed an injury and thought “huh, tiny vampire.” I never got through any of the logical choices, like: cat, mosquito, wrote on self with pen…

    1. I’m both relieved and concerned. Between you and Amy, I’m starting to worry that it may in fact have been a tiny one-fanged vampire. But I’m glad it’s not just me.

  2. I dunno… that looks a LOT like a one-anged vampire. I’d sleep with garlic tonight if I were you. The one-fanged one are the MOST wiley. They have to be.

    1. Wow, now that you mention it, if he’s really tiny, he wouldn’t need to hit a vein. I’m going to make some crosses out of matchsticks. They’re gonna be so cute.

  3. Perhaps he was just marking his territory for future use! I am all for turning a blemish into cancer or a voodoo curse! Did you clap when your saw Tink?

    1. Maybe that was my mistake. I didn’t clap, I whispered, “Tinkerbell? Tinkerbell?” and poked at the pillow to try and get her to move. Holy Shit, I killed Tinkerbell.

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