Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep6

Season 1 Episode 6: The Shaman ‘U’

Airdate was October 13, 1973.

The Super Friends consist of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman, and Robin. Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog are the “Junior Super Friends.” They haven’t made partner yet. They also have no super powers other than Wonder Dog’s ability to almost speak.

Short Synopsis: Shamon is alternating between zapping a “space cloud” with a laser gun, which fuses chunks of gold together, and then uses a giant U-shaped magnet to attract these “gold meteorites” to it. This process, uh, how do I put it…here’s what the narrator said:

“And, after this mighty fusion, a mysterious mist slowly drifts downward into the atmosphere. There, it becomes strangely affected by the earth’s oxygen, creating exotic gases, unknown to earth scientists, and, like our air, appears invisible to the human eye.”

So, basically, dad farts.

The Dad Farts, I Mean “Mists,” Do Some Crazy Shit
There are two kinds of mists – red, and green, even though people can’t see them.

The Green Mist creates giants:

The Red Mists creates littles:

Wonder Woman concludes, based on two minutes of looking at various animals and plants shrinking and growing on some monitors, that humans are immune.

Somebody Get Superman His Brain Pills
Wendy: It’s 30ft high, and really weird looking.
Batman: What does it look like?
Marvin: It, uh, it looks like a ‘u.’
Superman: It looks like Batman?

WTF Screenshots
An orange crushes a tractor:

This is what the REM song “Orange Crush” is about. True story.

Shamon has both a Hitler mustache and a Hitler mustache goatee:

This is Robin, talking to himself while hiding behind a giant ball of gold:

Wonder Dog + Red Mist = Wendy and Marvinmobile

You would see, the biggest orange would be from me, and the card attached would say “Thank you for being a Super Friend.”


“Say, might as well bring Wonder Woman a little gift. I mean, a big gift! Up, up and away!” – Superman, the biggest loser with the biggest orange.

It’s the Little Things that Make Me Happy
I like to proclaim it when I’m certain a sentence has never been spoken before. For example, I said to the dogs today: “You all haven’t even noticed the yard men yet because you like cat poop so much.” Super Friends is filled with these little bon mots and this one is my favorite so far:

“A giant lobster and a twelve inch whale? This must not be allowed to continue.” – Aquaman

Say what?
Batman, to Robin: You alright?
Robin: Never better, Batman! I’ve been having a ball, two of them, as a matter of fact!

Shut Up, Batman. For the love of God, shut up.
After Wonder Dog is giantized, he scares Shamon, who thinks he’s a Yeti, for some reason. Shamon runs back into the arms of Batman and Robin, who have somehow managed to get themselves stuck inside Shamon’s lab. Shamon then begs B&R to save him from the “Yeti,” who’s heading their way and B&R have this conversation:

Robin: What’ll we use, Batman, the laser gun?
Batman: Only as a last resort. If this IS a Yeti, it’s a rare creature. For the sake of science I’d like to capture it alive.
Robin: How? Its ten feet tall!
Batman: I’ll fashion my batline into a lasso. You man the laser gun just in case.

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD.

 

Happy birthday, religious.

I’m not particularly fond of greeting cards. I don’t understand paying $3 for a folded piece of paper with a bunch of words you didn’t write expressing feelings you may or may not feel. I always buy unsentimental funny cards if I can find them. But, clearly, many, many people like greeting cards.

Looking through the cards at the drugstore yesterday, I noticed that they have any card you could ever need for “religious.” Since I don’t like cards and prefer to make my own, I did just that:

An Introvert’s Halloween – Part 2

Part 2 – The Halloween Part (and more revelations about Carrie’s neurosis)

I just saw Megan’s comment in the previous post about how she hopes the solution to my problem is streaking with a mask on. I would like to go ahead and issue a spoiler alert that if your expectations are that high, prepare to be severely disappointed.

No. In fact, I hate masks. They are like taking a bath, you’re just stuck in this little room with your old stinky breath that you just have to keep using over and over again to breathe. I also don’t like crowds, partly because of chance of getting any attention in them and also because I’m probably slightly claustrophobic. I’m talking about how to make Halloween work for a square through and through, not letting my inner desire for flamboyancy loose.

I DID dress up for Halloween as a kid. My mom made me a Wonder Woman costume, and I mean sewed it, with Velcro and a pattern and shit. And I wish I had a picture of it but it’s six hours away. Once I hit a certain age, though, I was a punk rocker for like 4 years running. And by “punk rocker” I mean the kind who are allowed to wear their mom’s Garfield shirt because it doesn’t matter if they get glitter on it. That picture is also six hours away. I’ll be up there (North Carolina) for Halloween, so hopefully I can dig them up and share.

Next week, Tom and I are going to Disney World for our 10th wedding anniversary. And, we’re going to the Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party. I was reading all the Disney World forums about how other people plan to dress up for it. I went to this event 10 years ago on our honeymoon, and, obviously, didn’t dress up for it. But this year I thought it would be neat to at least poke the spirit of Halloween with a really long pole from afar by wearing something resembling something.

But I’m pretty much a one uniform gal: jeans, t-shirt. If it’s cold- jeans, t-shirt, hoodie. Hand on a stack of the first three Romero zombie movies: the last time I wore a skirt for anything other than church, a funeral, or a wedding, was when I was 12 years old. And the only reason I still wear skirts to these three events is because I don’t want to shop for any other appropriate clothing (my skirts are 10 years old). I also feel awkward and uncomfortable in anything other that t-shirts and jeans and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna feel more weird about looking at a giant bear’s butt on a log flume ride.

So, my solution was found when I was looking on Amazon for something that could be a costume but also in no way requires me to leave my comfort zone. And I found this:

Yes, that is a t-shirt that looks like Shaun’s work shirt from the movie Shaun of the Dead. Side note: if you haven’t seen Shaun of the Dead and you like zombie movies, or comedies, or romantic comedies, then you are missing out. And what does Shaun wear with this shirt? Black pants. And I have a pair of black jeans, which is close enough. It’s a low maintenance, sure-to-not-bring-much-attention-to-me ensemble. It’s pretty much exactly what I wear every day but with a fake tie and name tag. I often have a stain so the red doesn’t even count. Perfect. And if it’s cold that day I’ll wear a long sleeve shirt underneath and be grunge Shaun.

And, I would totally be willing to carry around a cricket bat. But, I don’t want to navigate a theme park with one. I didn’t cave on carrying a purse until well into my twenties so the utilitarian part of me doesn’t want to deal with it. And, perhaps security wouldn’t even let me bring it in. If there is a zombie outbreak at the Magic Kingdom that night, I’ll definitely be kicking myself (and several zombies). I also won’t be tucking in my shirt because that war was fought valiantly against my mom and I will not allow all that eye rolling and sighing to be in vain.

So, now, please dazzle me with all of your more interesting and exciting planned Halloween costumes because I live for that shit. I’m really glad there are less shy and extroverted people out there, because they really do make Halloween the coolest holiday.

 

An Introvert’s Halloween – Part 1

Part 1 – The Introvert Part

My favorite time of the year is October, November, and December. The rest of the year is like waiting in line to me.

I really love Halloween. A large part is due to it being socially acceptable to carry around a giant pillowcase of candy and graze from it like a feed bag. It’s also about zombies and Draculas and ghosts and stuff I like all year long.

Halloween has a lot to do with drawing attention to yourself with costumes, etc. However, I’m an introvert, and a pretty extreme one at that. My Myers-Briggs personality type is I(introverted)S(sensing)T(thinking)J(judging). In summary, I’m a detail-oriented rule follower who doesn’t like surprises, and most importantly for this post – can go a while without socializing (I also have ADD, which makes for a hell of a lot of angst, which someday I’ll write about). Extraverts gain energy from interacting with other people; introverts expend energy interacting with other people. Extraverts often don’t understand why introverts won’t “lighten up,” or why they don’t want to ride that mechanical bull in front of the entire bar (or even just go to the bar). I’ve made this chart to demonstrate:

Also, there is a difference between being shy and being an introvert. I’m a shy introvert. I don’t like being the center of attention unless specific parameters are understood and set. I don’t like being an acquaintance of the center of attention for fear that I will become collateral damage. Going to a place where I don’t know anyone makes my brain break out in hives. I like to ride the coattails of people I already know who are less socially awkward than me.

I don’t do any heavy lifting when it comes to conversations. I hate small talk and am not good at sustaining it.  I can talk forever and in depth on things I’m interested in and I love finding out I have things in common with people. But, I don’t do the verbal digging to figure any of that out. I know this sounds like I don’t give a shit about people or want to get to know them, but that’s not it at all. It’s that I take my personal connections seriously – I go in all or nothing. So when it comes to the notion of casual social contact, e-mail and the internet is like a godsend to me.  Getting to know bloggers, because they put it there without me having to ask, and without the awkward silences, has been awesome.

All of this is to say that for an introvert at my level, Halloween, a highly participatory holiday, isn’t exactly a perfect fit for a social spectator like me. What’s an introvert to do? Tune in tomorrow for Part 2 – The Part About Halloween.

Personality types are like my astrological signs. I find them fascinating. What’s yours? Here’s a place you can find out.

Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep4

Oops! I skipped one. Last week’s was episode 5, so this week will be episode 4. God, I hope I can follow what’s going on.

Season 1 Episode 4: The Weather Maker

Airdate was September 29, 1973.

The Super Friends consist of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman, and Robin. Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog are the “Junior Super Friends.” They haven’t made partner yet. They also have no super powers other than Wonder Dog’s ability to almost speak.

Short Synopsis: Icebergs are drifting into the Atlantic Ocean and Wendy and Marvin’s pool froze over. Both equally important clues suggest someone is tampering with the weather. Seaweed becomes overgrown in the ocean, “creating a tangle,” etc. A Dr. Thinkquick is to blame. He’s from a country called Glacia, located in the North Pole. It’s so cold (how cold is it?) that he’s shifting the Gulf Stream so that it will be warm there and they can grow crops and livestock. Weirdo.

Important Super Friends Acronym: WWH – World Weather Headquarters. They also go to “The United States Government Building.”

This Episode Was Made Before the Internet
Batman, Marvin, Wendy, and Wonder Dog spend an eternity in The United States Government Building, which seems to be the only place anyone can get a map. When the “last” map of the Gulf Stream is stolen by a minion, there’s a big chase, because, boys and girls, in the early 70’s, if you couldn’t get your hands on a map in the USGB, you were shit out of luck.

They don't love you like I love you, USGB

WTF Screenshots
This is a train hitch Superman and Wonder Woman made out of two icebergs to help a trapped battleship.

Because Superman couldn't possibly just move the iceberg to free a ship.

Aquaman enjoys a buttermilk biscuit (made by Wendy) in the middle of the crisis.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you keep a secret:

 

My Parents are Swimmeth Paltrow and Fish Martin.

My name is William, asshole.

Aquaman “talks” to a whale named Globey, or Globie, or Glow Bee – I don’t know how’s it’s spelled. How in the hell did this whale get named that? Is he the son of celebrity whales? These are the kind of hanging plot threads that drive me nuts.

Keep Telling Yourself That, Wendy.
“If they left us, then it must be perfectly safe.”

For the second episode in a row, Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog end up stuck on a boat with the villain.

Batman and the USGB, Like a Moth to a Flame
Batman and Robin end up at the United States Government Building again. They need to get from the 10th floor to the 60th, and, I swear to God, they decide to take the stairs because it would be good exercise (and because the elevator would be too “noisy”).

“Just enough to tone our muscles,” says Batman. Shut up, Batman.

If you would like to witness these shenanigans in all their glory, the first season of Super Friends is available on DVD. This is an affiliate link.