Two houses ago, when we moved into our first house in Georgia, after we’d been there a while, we found a couple of odd things in the backyard. Mainly, it was the occasional discarded Almond Joy wrapper.
Seeing as how I do not like coconut and there’s no reason Tom would be secretly eating coconut candy in the backyard (I’m not a candy dictator), the only logical conclusion to make was that we were being stalked. Stalked by someone who like to eat Almond Joys while he watches people watch TV, apparently.
The Almond Joy Killer, we called him (or her, don’t want to make assumptions).
We were never murdered (I guess they only “kill” Almond Joys), and we eventually moved. We moved on with our lives. And we moved AGAIN, to a different state.
We lived in our naive little bubble, thinking ourselves safe from a chocolate-smeared Peeping Tom (not my Tom, a different, peeping, Tom).
All that changed last weekend when Tom came inside after mowing the lawn. What did he bring with him? THIS:
DEAR GOD! He or she is back! I wonder if they went through a Mounds phase in the years between, and then they went back to feeling like a nut, and fell into their old ways.
Anyway, welcome back Almond Joy Killer, we’ll try and be more entertaining this time. Please don’t murder us.
11 thoughts on “If we go missing, you’ll know who it was…”
I have always said that Almond Joys contribute nothing positive to our world.
Better an Almond Joy wrapper than a fava beans tin and chianti bottle.
Almond Joys must be a gateway food.
I’m glad you’ve exposed this!
the Almond Joy Wrapper Scatterer would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids.
We go out daily, shake our fists and yell at the world to stay off our lawn.
Candy Dictator…that’s what I want to be when I grow up.
You’re well on your way! You at least have the experience to back it up.
That is hilarious…and also terrifying.
Late to the party, but I can’t decide if this is scary or awesome. I mean, isn’t having a stalker a sign that you’ve made it? Fame comes with a cost.