Disney World has Winnie the Pooh, Universal has Poo

WARNING: This post is about excrement. Or poo. Doody. The Brown Menace. Whatever you want to call it. And, I call it shit, so that word is smeared all over this post.

DISCLAIMER: This is based on MY experience. I’m sure people also shit all over Disney World bathroom floors, I just didn’t see it. I also decided to give teenagers the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was a grown-ass adult who did it.

Universal Studios has a whole “we’re not Disney” spin and vibe to their theme parks. It’s really the best way to go. Their Halloween parties are actually meant to be scary, they have more thrill-oriented roller coaster, etc. Disney focuses a lot on “experience.” So I always think of Disney as polished and Universal as a little rough around the edges, which isn’t a bad thing. Until I see shit on the floor.

And, I know, these are theme parks. People are drinking vats of soft drinks and eating more liquid cheese than they do on average. Public restrooms aren’t pretty, and theme park restrooms are expected to be a certain level of unpleasant. I have been lucky enough in my life to never have a job that involves cleaning bathrooms, so to everyone who ever has had a job like that, I would like to say: if there is any special place in heaven for any kind of person, I hope with all my heart that you are the people designated.

I’ve seen a lot, even in my not-having-to-clean-up-human-shit-innocence. I’ve seen the unholy trinity – pee, poop, and sanitary products – swirled together in a mélange of “there is no God” combinations and artistry that makes you wonder if life is worth continuing with. But this was something, what’s the opposite of “divine?”

It was a nice, big dollop of a turd, about one foot from a pristinely clean toilet. It wasn’t the usual “whoa, things really got out of hand” scene where there was an obvious attempt, at least at first, of getting it all in the toilet. No. This was there, just mocking the whole idea of toilets and all the rules placed around using the bathroom that keeps this delicate society together. It said “Yeah, there’s a toilet a foot away, and you know what? I’m doing juuust fine right here, buddy.” Here’s is my recreation of the vision:

I turned the corner of the stall, saw it, slowly backed away, and went to the furthest stall from it I could find. Then, I got to hear other people’s reactions to it because it was in an open-door stall, like a crowded public bathroom siren. The first one I heard was a lady with her kid. I heard “Oh, gosh, no. C’mon, this way. Ugh, people can be so…indiscrete.” I don’t know if this lady is the nicest human being on the planet and that’s truly the meanest thing she could come up with, if she was censoring in front of her kid, or if her brain got jumbled from the sight and that was the first thing that came up, but “indiscrete” isn’t how I would put it.

When I told my husband about it, he pondered how that person could afford to be in Universal Studios, which I have demonstrated with this diagram:

And, I’m also not completely delusional. I know what I saw isn’t even the worst of the infractions that occur when some people decide they need to go. I actually think this particular violation is probably only in the 75th percentile of indiscrete-ness:

19 thoughts on “Disney World has Winnie the Pooh, Universal has Poo”

  1. I would be more appalled, but this actually happened AT MY OFFICE. We still don’t know who did it, but it was the same scenario. Pristine toilet, poop on the floor over a foot away. WTF???!!

    1. Nothing that “neat” is an accident, or even a mad attempt at anarchy. It’s like the Hannibal Lecter of poo vandals. So deliberate, such intellectual disdain for the entire human race.

  2. And the thing that gets me? You always see this kind of asinine shit (ha ha) in the WOMEN’S bathroom! How dare we accuse men of being disgusting pig-people when our sisters are doing THAT!?

    1. Exactly! I imagine the men are disgusting as well, but my theory is that because women have to always use the toilet, that increases the frequency of nastiness.

  3. Ok, my first reaction would have been the same as you. You know, of the “Ewwwwwwww, what an asshole!!” variety.

    But since I have 2 wee kiddies, I’m wondering if it was actually an asshole MOM who let some shit drop out of a diaper or something. Not better, but at least not someone squatting down and shitting BESIDE a toilet. Just a possible scenario I’m throwing out there. It is still completely assholish for leaving shit sit there, but somewhat understandable if it happened. I don’t know, it’s still completely disgusting!!

    1. I’m afraid to get into the details for why I hope it wasn’t out of a diaper. I’ll just say that if it was, it was a huge baby/toddler with a very poor diet…shudder.

  4. If you hadn’t kept saying that it was an amusement park I would have thought you were at my work. It’s not a park and it definitely isn’t amusing, but there’s lots of disgusting “office ladies” that take that Alli weight loss stuff and shit all over the place. And they never lose a pound!

    Okay I exaggerated, they mostly DON’T DOUBLE FLUSH! Ugh.

  5. Absolutely hilarious!

    I HATE public restrooms. To the point that I almost think an adult diaper would be better than having to enter one.

    1. Thanks! And yes, the fact that people seem to continue to top themselves as far as disgusting-ness goes, and adult diaper is looking better and better.

  6. Oh my gosh, this made me laugh. But in a gross, uncomfortable way. Ever been to the Indy 500’s infield? I’m just saying, take your own toilet paper and a sheet because somewhere around 11:00 am, the toilets overflow, the toilet paper is gone, and women become animals who must walk through piles of SHIT and PEE just to reach a toilet that isn’t working. So we tend to hold a sheet around each other and pee beside our cars. It’s not pretty, but it’s cleaner than the restrooms. REST. HA.

    1. Tracey, I have never felt more fortunate to see a pile of dung on the floor than I am now that I read your comment. Note to self: never visit Indy 500.

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