I previously wrote about my inability to feel much of anything for heartfelt life and love-isms that I often see shared on Facebook. I thought maybe if I took a swing at it myself it may help me walk a mile in other people’s crocs. It didn’t work out very well.
On Saturday, I posted my weekly Super Friends post. You can see it here. In it, I spell out a magic trick that Wonder Woman did on the show. As soon as I saw it, I thought, “there’s no way a kid is going to be able to do this and I also see stitches in their future.” I was really curious about this trick because these are the types of things I latch on to rather than things like making the world a better place.
I figured it would be entertaining enough to try it out myself. And, to truly illustrate what I thought would be a magic disaster, I decided to tape it. Guess what!? It’s completely out of focus. I would make some terrible magic pun like “hocus focus” but I don’t know what to do with it. I made an out-of-focus video and that’s all there is to say. I tested it first, and the test was in-focus. I would have re-filmed it, but, as you’ll see, I set myself up so that I couldn’t re-film it.
I like to think of it as carrying on the crappy production values of the Super Friends. If you can stand to watch an out of focus magic-less trick, here it is:
Surprisingly, the glass didn’t actually break. I wondered if I could even get it to balance empty. So I tried and and it worked:
For three whole seconds. Right after I took the picture, this happened:
You see that, Wonder Woman? How many cuts, scratches, missing eyes and fingers are on your bullet-proof tiara-d head?
Lesson? It is a lot easier to make things work if you’re drawing it than if you’re actually doing it.
Season 2, Episode 6 – Extra Segments
Original Airdate: October 15, 1977
Last week’s time travel story was so juicy and chock-full of Super Friendsness that I couldn’t squeeze in the code word. So, here are the segments from the rest of this episode:
De-coder I
Robin and Batman are scaffolding down a mountain. Robin asks if they have to do that as it is tiring (and probably doesn’t want to spend any more time with Batman). Batman informs him, “Yes, Robin, and it’s also a good workout!” Batman, ever the fitness nut.
They find a cave, which, if based on their dialog, they completely didn’t intend to find. Robin wants to go explore the cave, and Batman says before they do that (I don’t want to know what they do while they explore deep dark caves), they should reveal the first clue. “The name of this place is the first part of the codeword!” hints Batman. You mean, the damn cave, the thing y’all have been talking about by name? Super heroes are the absolute worst fucking clue givers ever.
De-coder II
While in the cave, this poor woman runs across Batman and Robin:
She asks what they’re doing and since this is a kid’s show they tell her that they are “setting the stage” for the de-coder clues. They repeat the first clue and then tell us the second clue is “the opposite of woman.”
She asks to guess the code word and Batman is all, “no, stupid, that gets a whole other segment” (paraphrased). And then Robin says the best thing ever, “maybe we’ll run into to one of our clues,” because obviously there isn’t an opposite of woman among the three of them.
De-Coder Solution
A nice point and the reveal of the entirely-not-in-any-way secret codeword.
Magic Parts I and II
Wonder Woman’s gonna teach us a card trick! Here’s the steps:
1. Shuffle the deck.
2. “Fill an ordinary drinking glass with water” (you can actually fill a fancy drinking glass with Sunkist if you want – I don’t see any reason she’s being so specific)
3. Pick a card from the deck and balance the glass on the card.
4. “Abracadabra abracadall, stay on the card without a fall!”
5. Feel embarrassed for Wonder Woman
How did she do it? She prepared a card by taping a half of another card to the back, so that you can make a little stand for the glass (you’re supposed to keep this card at the bottom of the deck as you shuffle):
So go on, ruin a deck of cards, kids! I’m sure none of you will get in trouble with your drunk dad when he and his buddies try and play poker later.
“With a little practice, you can be a Super Friends magician!” – Wonder Woman
Personally I think you could do it with no practice.
P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.
If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.
We’ve all been there: you arrive at a door and it won’t open. You turn the knob again and again to no avail. You look for a rock to break the window, and we all know – there either isn’t one or you’re covered in your own blood by the time you get into the house. What if I told you you could leave those days behind?
It turns out that most of those doors that don’t open are “locked.” “Locking” is a way to make it so that things won’t open and only a person that has a rock can get in. After a recent arrest and trip to the ER for stitches, a friend of mine suggested I use my keys to get into my car and house. She told me she uses her keys to unlock the things that she owns and it works for her every time.
I was skeptical at first. Just like everyone else, I get so used to the way things are and I’m suspicious of promises that a new product will make life so much easier. For every sliced bread there’s a sliced piano – useless and not worth my time. But, let me tell you – my keys are the real deal.
I was worried about the expense. My husband and I are trying to save money, so when I asked him if we could afford a set of keys for me, I was relieved when he sweetly called me “moron” (his pet name for me), reached into my purse, and pulled out a set of keys. I couldn’t wait to try them out! I ran around from door to door, stabbing at the knobs, yelling at the doors “I have a key, I have a key!” It turns out there’s a little more to keys than that! Here’s some things I learned about keys, hopefully they’ll help you get the hang of if faster than I did:
I know I’m just discovering all the things keys can do, but overall I have to say – they are definitely worth it. They have saved me time, money, and blood. I can’t recommend them more enthusiastically.
I was not paid for this endorsement. I strongly believe in the product and have written this review without compensation.
Season 2, Episode 5, Storyline C – “Planet of the Neanderthals”
Original Airdate: October 15, 1977
Where should I start? This episode had everything – time travel, cavemen, highly ridiculous dialog, dinosaurs, and animation mishaps. It was stupid, but in that perfectly wonderful way. Does it make any sense? Of course not! We’re talking about THE SUPER FRIENDS doing a TIME TRAVEL episode. Sit back and enjoy the ride.
Short Synopsis: “Another sunny day welcomes the busy city of Metropolis, one of the world’s most modern cities. But, unknown to the citizens of Metropolis, a mysterious force has changed evolution so that today’s cities are primitive” – Narrator
In case you don’t know what the Narrator means, which, hello, it couldn’t be clearer, here’s what happened (the buildings were changed first):
BUT, in addition to the changed people, there are also Neanderthal cavemen that came from some other place, who show up and boss all the new primitive people around. They also happen to speak perfect English. STOP QUESTIONING, it makes complete sense.
“What is this incredible transformation that is changing the Earth into a prehistoric caaave society and can the Super Friends do anything about it?” – Narrator, who is really chatty during this episode.
The Littlest Astronauts
Batman and Robin help out the space station, which conveniently has scientists aboard – remember that as it will be important to the “plot.”
“Later, in the primitive cave that used to be the super-sophisticated Hall of Justice.” – Narrator
They determine that the mastermind behind this whole debacle is a guy named Barko? Barkle? Varko? I dunno, one of those. I’ll go with Barko.
The Super Friends decide to split up and look for Barko. The narrator then says that the Super Friends “streak into action.” Poor choice of words, Narrator.
Just jump in the water, Aquaman, this isn’t the Olympics.
Why, Barko? WHYYYY?
Batman, Robin, Zan, and Jayna are all captured and taken to Barko to face charges of crimes against civilization. This gives us the opportunity to hear about how the hell Barko managed all this:
“Modern man has had his chance and made a mess of the world. I tricked the top scientists of the world into building me an enormous time tunnel, and an electronic device that would physically alter the evolution of man. Once completed, I took the huge device back in time where it sent out beams of energy, changing the evolutionary process of man, allowing primitive man to control modern man.”
So, Barko told the top scientists that he’s got their nose and they built those things as ransom? That’s what it sounds like to me.
Barko then tells them, in no uncertain terms, they are to mess with his time tunnel, which he then conveniently informs them is hidden under the building they’re in, because we all know there’s no way the Super Friends could have figured that out themselves.
Batman and Robin end up in an underground cell (what luck!) and Zan an Jayna are sent to the quarry to join the other slaves.
Zan and Jayna bring the episode into uncomfortable territory.
Long story short, Zan and Jayna become and elephant and water, and Jayna is swimming around in the water. Doesn’t that mean that it’s like she’s inside her brother?
Then, she tells him, “Thanks for saving me you wonderful wonder brother, for that you get a kiss.”
You know what, let’s just move on.
“Our only course of action is to build another time machine, return in time, and change the past back to the way it was.” – Wonder Woman
But HOW, how can they build another time machine without any modern equipment since all scientists are now primitives or whatever? Yep, the tiny scientists on Skylab.
I don’t want to get too technical and bog you own with all this scientific jargon that is completely made up bullshit, so I’ll just say that Superman transmits x-ray images to the Skylab, where they make “blueprints” for a new time machine, and it requires him to dress like this:
Blah blah blah, they get their own time machine.
“The three of us will go back in time one million years!” – Superman
Superman, Aquaman, and Wonder Woman go back in time. Then, they look for that other device, the one that sent out beams of energy and changed the evolutionary process of man.
This trip to the past if full of interesting information, such as, did you know that back in the dinosaur days, little volcanoes would spontaneously form and erupt? It’s true!
You could ride around by lassoing a pterodactyl:
What an amazing time that never happened.
They find the device, which has become the water cooler for tyrannosaurus rexes.
Superman deals with the dinosaurs, and the device goes back to modern time and then everything is fixed again. Hooray!
It was a crisis of wardrobe malfunctions.
This week the Super Friends really couldn’t quite get their uniforms right.
First, Jayna forgot the “J” on her chest.
Then, Superman put his costume on inside out.
And lastly, Wonder Woman’s white stars seem to be soiled by urine stains.
Get it together, Super Friends!
P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.
If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.