Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd – Page 19

I was a child of the 1980s (commercialism).

I was over at Studio30 Plus looking at their writing prompts, and one was “share a favorite childhood memory.” I thought to myself, “I had a childhood! I have memories! I can do this!”

So, I decided to flip through my childhood photo albums for inspiration and to maybe jog my weird memory organ (brain) into remembering something that would make for an interesting post. You know, a great story about how a day with my grandpa fishing at the lake taught me a lesson about always looking both ways before you cross the street. Something fun and relatable and narrative-y.

No. What happened was I flipped through the photo albums, soaking in the 1980s goodness, and forgot about that special memory I was supposed to be pulling from them. In and of itself, basking in the neon glow of the 1980s is in fact a favorite childhood memory. So, come with me on a journey through the Me Decade by looking at pictures of, well, me.

I was born in 1977, so the ages of 3-13, the real meaty part of childhood, were all in the 80s. And, you can tell. I’m not sure I could be more of an 80s kid:

This is my fourth birthday party. It was Super Friends-themed. I still have a great fondness for the Super Friends but in a more sarcastic smart ass way than when I was a kid. I adored Wonder Woman. You can see the cake back there on the table.

There’s several pictures of me opening gifts at this birthday party, all 80s-licious. This one is my favorite – here’s me with some Star Wars underoos. Underoos were the best.

Here I am opening my stocking on Christmas. I’ve just pulled out a Hot Wheels General Lee from The Dukes of Hazzard. I LOVED The Dukes of Hazzard. My mom plays dumb these days and claims she doesn’t remember me ever watching the show. My mom is not senile, so she’s lying. Mom, you’re a liar! I watched it every week and you know it. P.S. I had no idea about the Confederate flag back then. I kinda had to un-learn that it was a decoration on the top of the Duke boys’ car. I almost want to say that it’s too bad that The Dukes of Hazzard is sullied by the inclusion of the Confederate flag in the series, but that’s implying that it otherwise would be some kind of masterpiece. I’m getting way off topic now. Moving on.

Up through age four, I really loved a variety of things. Then, I became more lame and embraced more girly stuff that I was supposed to. I mean, not that I didn’t love stuff like Strawberry Shortcake, because I did, because hello? look at that birthday cake, but I look back on this stuff and think it’s funny that I liked so much “girl stuff” considering I have really never been and am not “girly.” Having said that, I was all about Strawberry Shortcake for a year or two.

Then, it was Care Bears. Good God I loved Care Bears. I think it has a lot to do with categorization – this bear is this color, has this on it’s tummy, and represents this “thing.” So easy! I also have a real “collect them all” problem, too, and Care Bears is custom built for that weakness. My sister is the cutie on the right.

Rainbow Brite, yo. I don’t have much to say about Rainbow Brite, I just wanted to show this picture because I think my sister’s expression is funny. My theory is that she’s making that face because that’s actually HER Rainbow Brite doll I’m holding up for a picture (this was later confirmed by my sister).

Last but not least, here’s one of my most favorite possessions of all time. My Walkman. An introvert’s best friend. So. many. tapes. Tapes and tapes and tapes. Mix tapes, storybook tapes (at the sound of the tone, turn the page), pop music, oh it was just the best. And I probably ruined my hearing with it. Worth it.

What were your favorite possessions from childhood?

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 7, Storyline B – “Runaways”

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 7, Storyline B – “Runaways”

Original Airdate – December 10, 1977

Safety Segment
Aquaman is swimming in a public pool, as he does all the time, apparently. Nearby are some kids about to play a game of baseball.

Aquaman approaches the catcher and asks him (or her, I can’t tell) if he’s going to put his catcher safety equipment on and the kid tells Aquaman that they’re in a hurry and he doesn’t have time. “There’s always time to play it safe,” Aquaman says to really wrap up this condom metaphor.

And then, in NOT A CREEPY WAY AT ALL, Aquaman joins in the fun.

Short Synopsis: No, this isn’t about Joan Jett and Lita Ford’s band. It’s a Wonder Twins story. Everyone try to contain your excitement.

“In the dark hours of early morning, two young teens are about to embark on a dangerous journey.” – Narrator

Jay and Mike are running away from home. Jay wakes up his sister when he’s sneaking out of the house. She asks him why he’s running away and, according to Jay – “We’ll be on our own, it’ll be fun! We won’t have to follow our parents’ orders any longer.” They’re headed for Central City, which everyone seems to be implying is a really crappy place to run away to.

What?
As you all know, The Wonder Twins are always shown doing some stupid activity before they’re alerted to whatever stupid emergency they have to go help with.

This time, this is what they’re doing:

“A few more flowers and we’ll have the best float in Metropolis Day Parade.” – Zan

Screw you, Zan, Jayna, and Gleek and your parade-float-making-selves. I hate you. And why is Aquaman standing there not doing anyth-wait, nevermind, why is Wonder Woman standing there not doing anything?

Then something wonderful happens. Gleek is frightened by a bee and the whole thing is ruined.

If only the episode just ended there, it would have been my favorite Wonder Twins story. But, no, Jay’s dumb sister calls them up to let them know about those runaways.
Jay and Mike didn’t plan well.
The bus trip to Central City used up all of Jay and Mike’s money. “We gotta find a job, and a place to stay,” says Jay out loud at a seedy bus station. Yes, folks, it’s time for another “I can’t believe The Super Friends are going there” plotline, where teenagers are almost turned into sex slaves but in a Saturday-morning-cartoony kind of way.

The guys run in to a fella named Sully (what a lovely name). Sully is surely portrayed by the same creep as in “Hitchike” – he’s got that exact Jack-Nicholson-with-an additional-helping-of-sleaze-voice. Here’s a creep side-by-side comparison:

“Say fellas, I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation. I’m Sully. You’re welcome to stay at my place for the night,” Sully says in his creepiest creeptastic way. “Don’t worry about it, everything will be fiiiiine,” he further creeps. The boys reluctantly agree, and then he CREEPILY SMIRKS A CREEPY SMIRK.
Wait, it gets better.
The Wonder Twins ask the cashier if he’s seen the boys and he answers, “Sure, I remember seeing two boys, they left with a guy named Sully. Nasty one he is. Probably headed for Sully’s place now, somewhere on the far end of town.”

Back at Sully’s pad, which looks like this:

You can find this entire set, “The Creep Collection,” at Rooms To Go.

Sully says: “After you fellas rest up, I gotta little job planned for us.” The job? Knocking over a liquor store. HEY, that’s not a job in the traditional sense! Y’all, I’m starting to think this Sully isn’t a stand-up guy. Jay and Mike inform him that, no, they are not criminals and they will not be participating in this so-called “job.” Sully says that’s ok and thanks them for the company and offers to drive them home. HA, I’m just joshing, the kids try to escape and he pursues them across a rooftop.

The boys are cornered on the roof and jump down to a fire escape, which, of course, starts to give way.

Jayna turns into a giraffe so they can slide down her neck to safety.

Zan turns into “giant ice handcuffs” and is FLOWN by Gleek with his propeller tail to chase Sully.

Sully is then handcuffed by a teenage super hero in the shape of handcuffs that are made of ice.

And then Jay and Mike are returned safely and everyone’s lessons are learned and then Gleek demonstrates what this episode was:

P.S. In a crazy spell check mishap, I spelled “liquor” wrong in the post and in a picture. I’m not fixin’ the picture, so let’s all remember that liqueur is sold at liquor stores.

P.P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Facts I Made Up About Raiders of the Lost Ark

This evening Tom and I are going to see Raiders of the Lost Ark at the movies in IMAX. Yayah. There’s still time for you to go see it, more info here. To commemorate this awesomeness, here’s some amazing things I know you don’t know about the movie:

– Before they settled on the name “Indiana Jones,” they were considering: South Dakota Smith, Florida McGee, and Rhode Island Kwemenphefferbrankly.

– That monkey was actually a Nazi. He nailed the audition, so they changed the role to fit him better.

– Harrison Ford isn’t afraid of snakes but he IS afraid of fedoras. He spent the whole movie shoot in fear.

– The big boulder in the famous opening sequence was made from hundreds of thousands of wads of chewed gum, then rolled in dirt for authenticity.

– The Ark of the Covenant was actually an elaborate cooler that kept the cast and crew’s sandwiches cold. Someone in the prop department suggested they use it in the movie.

– The original name for the movie was “Indiana Jones in the Best One of Four.” They changed it at the last minute because it didn’t make sense at the time.

– George Lucas was inspired to write the scene where Marion Ravenwood gets lost in a basket because that happened to him once.

– The movie was made and marketed for five dollars.

I think I’ll just call this post “Pulled Pork.” Why the hell not.

We went to the flea market this past weekend. When we arrived, I saw this food truck and thought, “Ha ha ha! You have to be really confidant that you’ll never be involved in a sexual harassment lawsuit to name your company Captain Paw Paw’s.”

Then, as we worked our way through the booths, I saw this and thought, “touché, flea market, touché.”

The All-New Super Friends Roundup: S2 E7A – “The Marsh Monster”

Super Friends Season 2, Episode 7, Storyline A – “The Marsh Monster”

Original Airdate – December 10, 1977

Short Synopsis: A group of people from the 70s gather in a room.

“On this microfilm are the secret plans of my latest invention. A lifetime of work went into it. It’s worth millions. These are the plans for a magnetic powered engine. It runs on the magnetic forces coming from the earth and it needs NO fuel.” – Some guy named Jules who has perfect half and half black/grey hair.

Jules keeps these plans in what looks like a film canister on a necklace for safe keeping.

After his speechifying the lady in the pink bow tells everyone to go to bed (as if they are children) and tells them to “be sure to lock your doors, there’s a legend that an evil creature lives in the swamp.” Then they all dismissively laugh as only people who are about to meet an evil swamp creature would.

Guess Who Shows Up?

Please someone dress as him for Halloween and then tell me about how many times you had to explain that it’s not a shitty Grinch costume.

This Swamp Monster seems to know a lot about the house, including a secret microfilm-around-someone’s-neck stealing hole.

Luckily, Jules wakes up just in time and Swampster is foiled.
Y’all know what time it is.
At the Justice League headquarters, Jules explains his predicament. For some reason he uses a tiny microphone.

Batman, Robin, and Superman are up this week to help solve the mystery.

“Thank you for coming, Super Friends. I was afraid the creature would get me before you arrived.” – Jules, who is still at the creepy mansion.

If I’m Jules, and a Swamp Monster is trying to steal my invention plan necklace, I’m not HANGING AROUND, I’m out of there. But, I’ve never invented a magnet engine so I guess I’m not the genius here.

They hear a crazy, sad sounding wail, and they conclude that it’s the Swamp Monster, so Superman goes to check it out. It turns out to be a…..recording! Peppermint twist!

The “real” Swamp Monster then unhooks this gorgeous chandelier:

And in the ensuing chaos manages to steal the plans. Look at him go!

Batman and Robin pursue – “Hurry Robin, we’re almost on top of him!”
See if you can follow this.
The swamp monster flips a switch which brings down two steel doors and Batman and Robin just happened to be perfectly between them. So, they get trapped.

Then, the “door cracked the wall” and quicksand starts filling up the space. Yes, quicksand. Everyone knows that creepy mansions are built on top of quicksand.

Batman observes that “the ceiling is made of old wood” and that they should try and cut through it with ~~an electric meat knife~~ a “power bat-saw.”

To the relief of no one, they make it out alive.

I think we ALL know where this is going.
Fun fact: this plotline was safely housed in the necklace of a Scooby Doo writer but a Super Friends writer managed to steal it.

P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.