Writer’s Block


  • Scooting your chair forward with conviction does not, unfortunately, release a waterfall of hilarious and revelatory prose. Poopcakes.
  • Scratching your head does nothing but qualify you for a dandruff shampoo commercial.
  • Pacing only increases the risk of tripping over your cat.
  • Staring at the wall only leads to noticing cobwebs and spots you missed while painting.
  • Going to play Words with Friends, getting 60+ points for the word “puked,” and then glancing around and beaming proudly at no one, doesn’t get any juices flowing.
  • Going to play Words with Friends, seeing your opponent got 60+ points on the word “divinity” on HER FIRST MOVE, glancing around and tearing up at no one, also doesn’t get any juices flowing.
  • Swaying and spinning around in your kitchen singing “up, up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful balloooooon!” doesn’t work. But, it does cause dog excitement.
  • Staring blankly at the screen produces nothing, but it DOES help me remember that I turned the iron on over an hour ago and should probably do something about it.
  • Fuck it. I’m writing about writer’s block.


43 thoughts on “Writer’s Block”

  1. want me to send my women over? they’ll give you material in a matter of seconds.

    hang in there buttercup, it’ll come around.

    Go watch some cartoons

  2. That sounds like a very exciting and entertaining day. I don’t know any reason why singing about balloons and getting your dog excited wouldn’t get your creative juices flowing. Maybe write about why dogs get so damn excited at the nothingest of things? Or experiment on the different reactions based on different artists and/or genres. Say, how does he react to you singing Beyonce’s Single Ladies vs. a Garth Brooks Friends in Low Places? Observe and discuss. Go!

  3. OMG! Please let me know what DOES work. I actually blogged yesterday about the damned McD’s drive thru kid saying You’re Welcome instead of Thank You.

    Who’d have thought that below rock bottom is 72 more miles of rock?

  4. I actually cry with joy when my kids do something obnoxious so that I can “use it.” I am even debating posting a conversation my husband and I had that I was typing out as we spoke. I kept trying to lead him into funnier responses. Alas. Alas. Alas.

    1. Oh man! I am so glad I am not the only one who does this. I actually run to write down silly things my kids say so I can post them later. My oldest actually asked me one time, “mom, are writing what I just said . . .” to which, of course, I was like, “No.” Good parenting, folks. Right here.

        1. A completely sound and well-thought out reason for birthing small people. Please note: the cute things don’t come out until about year 2 or so. Non-cute things spew forth prior. FYI.

          1. But in the 2 years before they start saying their own cute things, you can make up entire conversations for them using funny voices. Perhaps that could be blogified somehow. I once wrote and had your 4 month old nephew “perform” a rather lengthy rap. Good times.

  5. Oh yes. I hear you girl, you are preaching to the choir.

    And also, I like dogs. And balloons. So I think there’s a post in there somewhere, just waiting to pop out.

  6. Ah yes . . . blogging about having nothing to blog about. I’ve been down this dark alley before. Ironically, writing, just writing anything, usually crumbles my writer’s block. Getting sucked into a tumblr-twitter-lolcat wormhole does not.
    Hmm, and now I want to write about Shelly Duvall’s crazy face . . .

  7. I don’t get writer’s block so much as I get brain block. Or clog. Brain clog. Not the dancing kind. Is rambling of the brain a disease? If it’s not, I’m going to invent it and name it after myself.

      1. Which is an excellent suggestion…except for the fact that it actually implies that I have a brain, and the jury is kinda still out on that one. Although, figuring out what it actually is and why it’s broken could lead to discovering that it is, indeed, JoBrain….dreadful and possibly contagious and I’m pretty sure that it’s permanent….er…terminal.
        *clink* Here’s to rambling!

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