The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep3D – “Space Emergency”

Season 2, Episode 3, Storyline D – “Space Emergency”

Original Airdate: September 24, 1977

Magic, Part 1
I know we’ve already seen it before, but I still need to take a moment and dwell on the fact the Superfriends (one word on this sign, two in the show) have their own “Magic Theater.” Where is it located? Is it in the Hall of Justice? Do they do shows? Can you buy an annual pass? What the hell?

This week, Aquaman tells us we will amaze our friends with this magic trick. All we need is:

“We know that paper is easily torn. Even thin wood is much stronger than paper, usually, but these news pages can cause these boards to break.” Then, he takes a “stick,” beats the board with it, and breaks the board.  He says he’ll let us know how he can “break this board as the result of the way I put this paper on it.” If this isn’t making any sense to you, it’s because it doesn’t make any sense. As far as I can tell, this is the “magic trick” –

I have a feeling he’s showing us how to do the magic trick first, and then we’ll find out what the end result/illusion is later. But, he didn’t say that. Aquaman is a horrible teacher.

Short Synopsis: This week is called “Space Emergency.” Guess what!? There’s an emergency in space! Some astronauts, their shuttle, and Sky Lab are all in trouble – sirens are blazing, there is smoke and shaky camera work – oh no! They’re heading toward “deep space” with only an hour of life support left.

Hawkman and Hawkgirl
This week’s special guests are Hawkman and Hawkgirl. They’re teaming up with Wonder Woman.

I was going to complain about the man/girl name assignments, then, I saw on Wikipedia that she re-named herself Hawkwoman in the early 1980s. Miss Hawkwoman if you’re nasty.

This is their obscene airplane:

The Sky Lab is Headed Straight for the Sun!
The space shuttle and Sky Lab get separated because of the incompetent Vector/Lock button pushing, making this Space EMERGENCIES, now.

Hawkman lets Wonder Woman know that Sky Lab is hurtling toward the sun and Wonder Woman responds with:

“I’ve got to reach it before tremendous heat destroys it.” – Wonder Woman

And they don’t respond with, “yeah, no shit,” which is the most unrealistic thing about this whole episode.

Magic, Part II
I want my money back. I didn’t pay for this magic trick lesson, but I should still get my money back. I’m actually filled with rage right now.

Aquaman explains the magic trick is that when he hits the board with the stick and the newspaper isn’t laid over the board, the board just flips off the table, but when the newspaper is laid over the board, like so:

THEN, that allows the board to be broken because there’s enough resistance against the newspaper.

Except, you know what? YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE NEWSPAPER ON THE FIRST BOARD WHEN YOU BROKE IT. I hate you, animators. I hate you, Aquaman. That is not a magic trick.

WTF Screenshots
Forget the space emergency, Wonder Woman, and The Hawks, what’s going on with this guy? I want to know his story. What’s in his pocket? Maybe his butt itches? Who is he?

How does Wonder Woman save the Sky Lab? “Flying in circles at hypersonic speed, Wonder Woman creates an artificial planet with grrrravity.” – Narrator.  Yeah, sure she did.

While trying to help the space shuttle by attaching “an umbilical lifeline” to it, Hawkman runs into some trouble. “I’ve got to protect myself from these meteors!” Top of my list of ideas: wear a shirt.

Health
“You know, Robin, quite often people choke on a piece of food they’re eating.” –Batman

And then, this happened:

You’ve been a great audience, good night!

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.