Super Friends Season 2, Episode 8 – Safety Segment
Short and sweet this week. Next week is another bear-related storyline. Bears!
Original Airdate – October 22, 1977
Wonder Woman is flying over a city in her plane and witnesses a kid and his mom about to cross the street. Mom is leading her kid right into the street away from the crosswalk.
The kid is all, “mom, no, you use a crosswalk, stupid.”
And when they reach the other side of the street, there’s Wonder Woman, magically landed and out of her plane. Where the hell is her plane and how did she land it so fast? This is not the first time the Safety Segment has had unbelievable traffic laws of physics.
“I spotted the two of you from my jet. I wanted to compliment you on your safety sense. Deciding to use the crosswalk – smart move, congratulations!”
So the Super Friends have now even run out of people to teach lessons to? Now they’re just running around congratulating people for things they should have done in the first place? There’s not even a cat in a tree they could help?
Super Friends Season 2, Episode 8, Storyline A – “The Invisible Menace”
Original Airdate – October 22, 1977 (You might notice that I don’t seem to be writing these in proper chronological order. That’s because the order they are presented on the DVDs and the order they aired according to Wikipedia don’t line up. Which, if you think about it fits in well with the general scrambled mess that is Super Friends).
Short Synopsis: “Deep beneath the Atlantic Ocean, a strange submarine moves along the treacherous sea bottom.” – Narrator
Narrator, don’t you mean IN the Atlantic Ocean? Not “beneath,” beneath would mean the are below the Earth’s crust. You know, never mind, it doesn’t matter.
The guys on the submarine mumble something about an island and a Professor Fairweather testing an “undersea mining device” and how safety standards are stupid and time is of the essence.
Then, the captain, named Neemus(?) or whatever activates the vanishing ray, which makes everyone and everything look like Wonder Woman’s invisible plane:
Meanwhile, on the island.
Professor Fairweather is getting ready to test his Ultrasonic Mining Device, and he warns his assistant, Peterson, that if it isn’t tested slowly, it’s power could be devastating if it gets out of control.
Here’s what I don’t get, they planned to test it “in two hours,” but that wasn’t fast enough for Team Invisible? Anyway, Team Invisible sneaks onto the boat and hijacks the device and takes Fairweather with them.
Peterson is then left behind to warn the Super Friends and because there’s water involved, we all know what that means!
Aquaman and Superman are on the case.
“With my keen aquatic senses it shouldn’t take too long, let’s go!” – Aquaman, always the kidder.
Aquaman and Superman find the submarine, but then Neemus makes it invisible again, thus requiring Superman’s infrared vision. Neemus releases an invisible killer whale and this happens:
How embarrassing. I think we’ve all walked into a sliding glass door but an invisible killer whale is really something you never live down. That is, of course, unless the only other witness is Aquaman, and this happens:
Then I guess you both just agree to never speak of it again.
Superman saves Aquaman from the killer whale. Who was it that had “keen aquatic senses,” again?
When villains tell superheroes what to do, they listen.
Neemus announces that Superman and Aquaman better stop following them, or “Professor Fairweather will suffer the consequences.”
Superman says, “I think we better do as he says.”
Oh, but wait! They DO continue to pursue, but in a less obvious fashion. Superman flies above, tracking the submarine, and Aquaman hides behind a big purple and pink manta.
Aquaman boards the sub and sprays the invisible crew with octopus ink. He then ties up the Captain and looks just as surprised as anyone that he did it.
AND THEN…
The mining device activates, which causes an underwater earthquake. Superman fixes all that with lots of punching.
“I hope I never see another invisible submarine!” – Aquaman
But you DIDN’T see it, Aquaman, because it was invisible. Duh.
P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.
Super Friends Season 2, Episode 7, Storyline D – “Time Rescue”
Original Airdate – December 10, 1977
Short Synopsis: Guess what TIME it is!? Yes, it’s another installment of “The Super Friends Attempt a Time Travel Story.”
“On the outskirts of Metropolis, at the Comstock (?) Research Institute, an incredible experiment is about to take place.” – Narrator
“This is a great day for science, Dr. Lao! My time machine is finally ready, and I will be it’s first test subject!” – Professor Comstock
“My time machine is finally ready” roughly translates to “get ready for a heaping pile of dog turds” from Superfriendese.
Professor Comstock sashays into his time machine and demands Dr. Lao “prepare the electron stimulizor” and to “activate the time thrusters,” which Dr. Lao does. I’ve cut through all the technical jargon and created this comparison to help you understand how it works:
Here’s Professor Comstock in the future looking like he’s about to break into song but he didn’t and that was a disappointment.
Behind that rock are some hooded creatures ominously watching this man not break into song and dance.
Dr. Lao tries to return Professor Comstock to the present day but fails. This is a job for the Super Friends (said as unenthusiastically as possible by me).
Here We Go
Superman, Hawkman, and Hawkgirl show up at the Institute and are sent to the future to save the Professor. They are told by Dr. Lao they have one hour to retrieve the Professor and get back to the time travel bus stop.
The trio arrive in the future and yet again the creatures are watching. They look like they all just got out of the shower with their little purple robes (they look like what would result if a Jawa and a Chubbles doll mated):
The trio head on to the city in the distance, where they find what used to be Metropolis. Some things have changed: the world is now inhabited by all sorts of intelligent life forms; some things haven’t: people still sit around drinking coffee in hipster cafes.
Somehow Hawkgirl, Superman, and Hawkman get a table right away – that’s the most unrealistic thing so far, look how crowded it is! They ask their waitress if she’s seen Comstock.
She tells them she hasn’t seen him, then they see one of the so fresh and so clean creatures spying on them. They corner him and demand answers! He tells them the “desert slavers,” which I guess is what the purple robes are called, are holding the Professor “in the Jobo Desert to the North.”
At the Jobo Desert camp, the desert slavers are gathered around a fire, presumably telling each other horror stories.
Because this is only a seven minute story, the slavers are easily overcome with a dust storm Superman creates and they rescue the Professor and make it back safely to the groovin’ 70s.
Health Segment
There was a health segment but it was just Aquaman swimming up to some girl who tells him she’s passed the physical fitness exam, then lists types of exercises. Then he reminds her about swimming, because that’s all he knows.
P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.
Yes, it’s that time again. Time to learn an amazing magic trick courtesy of the Super Friends!
This time it’s Batman who’s going to show us how to impress our friends and get that promotion we’ve been hoping for by dazzling our boss with an illusion.
Batman is in the Magic Theater and calls to Robin saying he needs his help. Robin then SWINGS IN ON A TRAPEZE, looking mighty proud of himself.
Batman give Robin the once over and says, “You look like a strong young man.” What. A. Creep. After some talk about Turkish prisons and gladiator movies, Batman says that this trick will be a test of his strength.
He twists a HUGE napkin – look at that thing in the above picture – into what looks like a track and field baton and hands it to Robin, telling him to take hold of either end of the napkin and try to pull it apart.
“Child’s play, Batman!” exclaims the ever-confident Robin.
Robin struggling with a napkin is now one of my most favorite Super Friends moments.
Batman is then all, “alright you sweet little bitch, hand it here.” Notice the shock on Robin’s face:
Robin starts from scratch – twists up a napkin and still can’t tear it in half.
“That’s because you didn’t use some water!” Batman bullshits.
As with previous magic tricks, the animators weren’t exactly clear about what was supposed to happen based on the script. So, in the initial demonstration, at no point could Batman have actually used any water – there’s no cuts or anything that would have conceivably been a time when he could have applied water to the napkin. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.
“While you were trying to twist the napkin apart, I dipped my finger in the water…” here’s a demonstration in case you’re confused:
This could have happened. The weirdo Batman could have been dipping his finger in water while Robin struggled, but he most certainly did NOT apply water to the middle of the napkin like so:
Which, according to him, is required to do the trick. Or, maybe he was just retroactively explaining it to make Robin feel better. I’m pretty sure it was animation tomfoolery, though, because another magic trick was happening during the segment that we didn’t get an explanation for:
Batman’s suit emblem kept switching colors. Now THAT’S magic.
And yes, I will be attempting this magic trick later in the week.
P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.
Super Friends Season 2, Episode 7, Storyline C – “Will Earth Collide” “Will the World Collide” I don’t know how I got it wrong. That’s a first.
Original Airdate – December 10, 1977
Short Synopsis: “Lost in the remoteness of the vast Atlantic Ocean, sits a most unusual island. For this is an artificial floating island, the secret laboratory of professor Firo, who is about to become the most dangerous man on earth.” – Narrator
Professor Firo (who is obviously voiced by the same guy who does Batman, so it’s weird) is communicating with a green alien named Cleezor.
Cleezor asks if he has “completed the gyro magneto according to the plans I teleported to to Earth?” Wow, even intergalactic conspiratorial meetings are boring.
“Nobody here could have invented such an awesome device,” Professor Firo manages to mumble while his lips are on Cleezor’s ass. “Far easier for us than finding the one man on Earth who would betray his home planet,” retorts my new favorite Super Friends character, Cleezor.
Alright, so then they put Cleezor’s plan into motion:
After activating the gravitational gyro magnetos, the narrator sums it up:
“The gravitational waves travel into deep space, to wrrrrench a dead planet out of it’s orbit, aaaand, into a collision course with earth!”
This planet seems really close, and the scientists admit that it’s a planet they didn’t previously know about. WTF, scientists?
“It’s gravitational force will change the weather, creating tidal waves, earthquakes!” – a so-called scientist.
Cleezor’s end game is to replace his planet with Earth’s place in the solar system. He’s a magnificent seat stealer.
The Super Friends are alerted, and then all sorts of bullshit starts happening.
Like, this kind of bullshit.
“New York is flooding!” Ok, that makes sense I guess.
“There’s snow all over Hawaii!” Um, ok.
“Frozen Siberia’s turned into a steaming jungle!”
So multitudes of tropical trees sprouted up out of nowhere? I know, I know. This is Super Friends, a man that talks to fish is one of the most important people on the planet, but sometimes, even in my deadened state, this crap stands out.
On the other hand, I did think – “ok, so Superman goes out and punches the dead planet and everything is fine.” And, Superman DID exclaim – “this is a job for me, and an easy one at that!” So, we’re even?
Not so fast, Superman
Cleezor say’s he’s “prepared a little surprise” for Superman. Cleezor, you’re the best! The runaway planet – TWIST – is made of solid Kryptonite. Ok, that doesn’t make any sense at all, but since it’s Cleezor I’ll let it slide.
So, Wonder Woman has to go save Superman’s ass again.
Super Friends – STOP IT. JUST STOP IT.
How do the Super Friends figure out Professor Firo is behind all of this? They press a damn button at headquarters, which spits out three scientists with the equipment to pull a planet out of orbit.
Then, out spits what looks like a receipt, but Batman explains – “according to this character analysis, the only one of the three who could commit such an evil act is Professor Firo!”
Anyway, these bozos split up to try and find Firo. The Wonder Twins are told to stay at Headquarters to monitor incoming information, but we all know they’ll end up out and about being the stupid Wonder Twins.
And then…
I kind of lost track and wasn’t paying attention, mainly because I was distracted by Wonder Woman’s hair.
It really had a life of it’s own, and it’s like half the size of her body!
Anyway, somehow WW and Batman end up with Firo’s notes, and are on the way to stick them in their magic-as-hell Headquarters computer to “translate” them, which will reveal the location of the floating island.
So, Cleezor, ever ready with a solution – he’s such a good leader – teleports an “energy creature” to Firo to use against the Super Friends. “He can materialize and de-materialize anywhere you wish, at your command.” – LL Cool C
The Energy Monster then burns out the Super Friends’ computer room so it can’t calculate where Firo’s floating laboratory is. Then, when they all run into to see what happens, the Energy monster locks them in and welds the door closed. It was pretty awesome.
So then the Wonder Twins are stuck outside the room with the monster. They put Firo’s notes into an impenetrable box that’s bolted to the floor and the Energy Monster is all, “it ain’t no thing, I’ll be taking this with me.”
Then, he stomps around in Zan. It was gloriously humiliating.
Now we reach the point in the story where I really stop caring.
The Super Friends get out because Batman happened to have his bat torch on him. Wonder Woman then tries to chase down the Energy Monster.
Can I say, this story has gone from trying to stop a planet’s collision with earth to mainly a cat and mouse chase over some handwritten notes. I’m not really saying it matters, I just want them to know that I know.
Wonder Woman saves the notes, the Energy Monster falls into the ocean and dies.
And then…
The Super Friends finally make it to the laboratory. Professor Firo presents them with not one, not two, but FIVE energy creatures! They’re like a boy band (I’m naming them EnRG).
Y’all, Wonder Woman did pretty much all the heavy lifting in this episode. Here she is, containing the monsters while the boys literally loiter and watch.
They stand outside this woman’s work.
And here she is, stopping Firo’s escape rocket because Superman is too weak from the Kryptonite.
Then, here she is after punching through the wall to get the power core, then running up a mountain to hurl it into space and change the course of the kryptonite planet.
Then, here she is, giving the lecture at the end.
This is a Wonder Woman who wouldn’t be caught dead teaching magic tricks.
In Conclusion
I have to say, even though he failed, Professor Firo sure accomplished a lot for someone who seems to have drawn his own eyeballs on with a permanent marker.
And Cleezor, you’re the best. Best of luck to you in the future.
P.P.S. I’m posting Super Friends outtakes on the Cannibalistic Nerd Facebook page. So, if you need a mid-week Super Friends pick-me-up, that’s the place to get it.
