Tag: Super Friends

Season 2, Episode 3, Storyline B – “Hitchhike”

Original Airdate: September 24, 1977

Safety Segment
This week it’s about approaching dogs properly.

Wonder Woman swings down from her lasso and tells two 1970s children to always let a dog sniff your hand first before you pet him. Of course, if that dog’s owner was anywhere to be found, perhaps Wonder Woman wouldn’t have to spend her time lying in wait in a tree for children and a dog to meet up in the exact right spot.

Short Synopsis: The name of this segment is “Hitchhike,” and it stars the Wonder Twins. But, we all already know they aren’t going to end up in pieces scattered down Route 66, so I’m already disappointed.

“A busy intersection of Central City, where an unsuspecting young girl is about to take a very unpleasant ride.” – Narrator

Jody and Beth are waiting for the bus to take them to the beach (the same way Aquaman gets to the beach). Jody says they should skip the bus, hitchhike and “save the fare for the jukebox.”

Beth, the big square who doesn’t want to be sold as a sex slave, opts for the bus. Jody decides to hitchhike, and what could go wrong? She assures Beth that she “never accepts rides from creeps.” She tells Beth she’ll meet her at “the beach entrance.” What beach are they going to that has a single entrance and a jukebox in the sand?

Jody, you don’t know what “I don’t accept rides from creeps” means, do you?
Within 2 seconds of sticking out her thumb, this guy, who totally doesn’t look in any way like a creep, pulls up and asks her where she’s headed.

She gets in his car without any hesitation. That Jody thought she had a good head on her shoulders, until it ended up in a bowling bag in that guy’s trunk. I’m just kidding, he didn’t decapitate her, this is a Saturday morning children’s show.

“Later, at the beach.” – Narrator
Jody’s ride does take her all the way to the beach, right up to the entrance, where Beth responsibly awaits.

Beth notices Jody in the car of the non-creep, who has told Jody that she won’t be going to the beach today. Beth uses the nearby pay phone to call for help. So, Beth would have had more money for the jukebox, but Jody screwed her over.

WTF Screenshots
Y’all, I hate the Wonder Twins. I can’t stand their stupid purple uniforms and Jayna’s dumb soft serve hairdo and Zan’s crappy water transformations. I hate:

Their stupid Teen Trouble alert wrist watches.

Their dumb travel arrangement.

Their wacky tennis matches.

The problem I have with the Wonder Twins is that, unlike The Justice League characters, they don’t have a rich history of heroism to ruin so I can laugh at it. No, they sprung forth fully formed and sucking, so that takes a lot of the fun out of it for me.

But once Jody’s on that beach, “Undercover Angel” blasting from the Jukebox, it’ll all be worth it.
The perfect gentleman slows down due to a winding road, and Jody takes advantage, tossing herself out of the moving vehicle.

Perfect Gentleman chases her down.

Zan and Jayna to the rescue.
Blah blah blah, the guy, who turned out to be a total creep (surprise!) ends up in Zan’s “ice jail.”

Then, Jody assures everyone she’s learned her lesson about hitchhiking, and Gleek is chased by a seagull.

De-Coder Part 1

Superman shows up at a place giving away free hot air balloon baloon rides. Wait a second, didn’t we JUST learn that free rides only lead to being chased down by a dirty creep? Now I’m completely confused. And, I would think that you should never, ever accept a free balloon ride if the person offering it can’t spell “balloon” correctly.

The clue is “the price of the hot air baloon rides.” Oh, wow. Ok. Let me think.Oh, geez. I’m just glad I have a whole week to think about it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Season 2, Episode 3, Storyline A – “Invasion of The Hydronoids”

Original Airdate: September 24, 1977

Short Synopsis: See, I told you Robin doesn’t count as a person when they “pair off” for emergencies.

I’ve gotten spoiled. Usually, the narrator provides a wonderfully cheesy synopsis I can quote that spares me from actually describing what’s happening. But this time, there wasn’t one. My guess is that he’s asleep in the corner of the sound booth with a bottle of booze in his hand. So, I have to do it my self:

“In the deep recesses of the ocean, strange things are afoot. Splashing into the water with the force of a thousand toddlers taking a bath, is a mysterious space ship, with mysterious creatures aboard.”- Carrie

They are the Hydronoids. They have landed on earth to execute “Plan X, to erase the minds of the earthlings.’

Alright, Hydronoids, you got me there.
Just when I was about to make fun of another race of creatures who love pink weapons of mass destruction,  one of the Hydronoids calls it “The Mind Eraser.” Erasers are pink, ergo, this gadget should be pink. You win, Hydronoids.

The Mind Eraser flashes a green light (should be pink, duh), and then everyone in the area turns green and their minds are blank. Sooooo, zombies who don’t eat people.

Aquaman is as surprised as anyone that he may have something to do this week.
“The only clue is some seaweed found on the docks where the glow came from.” – Man relaying the news.

We all know Aquaman’s no dummy – he can put two and two (or plate and plate) together with the best of them: “SEAWEED! That means the trouble was caused by something from the ocean, my territory.” – Aquaman

I know someone who’s getting ice cream on the way home after!

Hydronoids, you only had to wait 30 years, this shit would have taken care of itself.
The reason they want to erase all the humans’ brains is because “they will be unable to continue their development of their space travel.”

On the other hand.
The Hydronois don’t want the humans to eventually ruin hydro-planets like they’re ruining their own ocean. The episode is set in the Gulf Coast. *cough*

YES!
Four minutes in, and look who’s turned green and can blame his blank mind on the eraser?

You know, tomorrow is my birthday, for real. I think this may have been the universe’s present to me.

And now Aquaman has been programmed to fight Batman and Robin.
Universe, you’re too kind! I can’t take this many presents!

Aquaman sends a school of barracudas after Batman and Robin. Barracudas lie low in the weeds, ambush people, and then bring them to their knees (source: Barracuda by Heart).

Batman and Robin need to think fast! And, just when my little heart couldn’t take anymore, they bust out their inflatable dolls.

Oh, Batman, you’re too much.
“Quick, Robin, we’ve got to return Aquaman’s mind.” – Batman

With no Wendy and Marvin, who will get stuck on ships with villains now?
Batman, Robin, and Aquaman, that’s who. Aquaman gets his “mind” back, but then the Hydronoids decide to flee with the Super Friends on their face-shaped ship. Aquaman has whales pile on the ship so it can’t go anywhere.

“Looks like you’ve been caught, hook, line, and spaceship.” – Aquaman, who DOES have his mind back at the time.

Then, the whole thing wraps up with some kind of half-lecture about keeping oceans clean and then Robin sums it up: “Holy unfair exchanges, I’d rather have my mind than a tuna sandwich, any day.” A tuna sandwich any day, indeed.

Just because it’s my birthday, doesn’t mean you leave empty-handed.
I made this for you. You’re welcome.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Season 2, Episode 2, Storyline D – “The Antidote”

Original Airdate: September 17, 1977

CRAFT TIME!
“This isn’t some strange fish face, it’s a rattler!” – Aquaman

Aquaman explains that The Wonder Twins are having a party later, and “they’re going to like this rhythm instrument.” Because that’s what teenagers throwing a party love best – two paper plates glued together with some beans in between.

And, for some reason, probably because it’s Aquaman and he needed to learn it in two separate sessions, the craft instruction for gluing two plates together and drawing a smiley face on each side is split into “Part 1” and “Part 2.”

Really, you guys, Aquaman draws two faces on two plates and then lets us know that “I’ll be back in a few minutes to tell you how to finish it.”

I’ll try not to spoil the surprise.

Short Synopsis: “Deep in a remote region of India, a peaceful village is about to be shaken with disaster.” I thought he was referring to the fact that the Super Friends were about to visit, but it’s actually an earthquake.

“In the dense jungle nearby, hundreds of poisonous cobras are driven in fear of the earthquake toward the unsuspecting village.” – Narrator, narrating.

The cobras then bite hundreds of villagers and everybody ran out of antidote serum, so they called the Super Friends to help. Unfortunately for Apache Chief, he was at headquarters, probably dropping off Aquaman’s beans and glue, and he gets stuck in the guest star slot this week.

Wonder Woman doesn’t like it when you tell her she didn’t do enough.
Wonder Woman and Apache Chief show up with a little wimpy box of serum. The guy in charge tells them “thanks, but it’s not nearly enough,” and Wonder Woman shoots him this look:

Then she shoot’s Apache this look:

This is what makes the Super Friends the Super Friends
When told that they didn’t bring enough serum, Apache Chief informs the guy that would clearly already know that the serum is made from the venom of cobras that the serum is made from the venom of cobras. Wonder Woman and Apache Chief are all “oh, well, it can’t be done.” You know, because they’re SUPER HEROES.

A random man folding towels is like, “well I thought about it for more than a second and a half, and I think there may be a way to do it.” So Apache Chief and Wonder Woman stare at him with mouths agape as he explains.

Ok, in fairness, he tells them to find “Kataru, the legendary giant king cobra, who lives in a hidden temple somewhere in the jungle.” So he may just be crazy and/or it really is local knowledge they wouldn’t have, but, my point about their instantly giving up still stands.

Kamaru, or Kataru, depending on who’s saying it.
Folding towel man tells WW and AC that not only is Kataru a giant king cobra, he can also control other animals and is the King of the Jungle. Kataru seems like a cheerful guy to me, and that’s in spite of people not actually knowing what his name is.

Wonder Woman makes it inside the temple and exclaims, “Kataru, he’s even bigger than I imagined!” And we all know how active Wonder Woman’s imagination is (see above paragraph about her lack of problem solving skills).

C’mon Apache Chief, we all know why you’re here. Get to growin’.
For some reason, Apache Chief is delegated to dealing with the local animals Kataru has dispensed, and Wonder Woman, who cannot grow to giant size, is left to deal with the giant cobra. That doesn’t work out well (where’s towel folding guy when you need him), so Apache Chief has to save Wonder Woman from the temple.

Then, they get the venom they need, thank Kataru, and don’t make him breakfast or call him the next day or anything. Poor Kataru. Or Kamaru.

CRAFT TIME PART II!
It’s time to add the filling! Please pay extra close attention because this is really complicated: take your beans and put them inside one of the plates, NOT on the part of the plate that you drew the face, the other side. THEY MAKE THE RATTLING SOUND, Aquaman tells us, that’s why they have to be on the inside.

Then, hold up the glue and smile like an idiot.

Then, put glue around the inside rim of the plate.

Put the other plate on top (face side out), then put it somewhere “to dry overnight.”

You know, it’s odd, they didn’t show any footage of Zan and Jayna being really impressed and excited when Aquaman brings the “sun rattle” to their party. Oh, well, everyone must have had so much fun listening to beans shake that they forgot to turn on the camera.

Health.
“Don’t smoke, it doesn’t make you grown up, it makes you a loser.” – Superman

If you want to be a grown up, glue two plates together and show up at a party with it.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline B – “Tiger on the Loose”

Original Airdate: September 17, 1977

Safety First!
Before we begin our loose tiger adventure, Wonder Woman has some safety tips she’d like us all to be aware of. “A lot of times when we’re not thinking about what we’re doing, we put things in our mouths and chew on them. It’s a habit almost everybody has. Lots of things around the house and yard that kids put in their mouths can make them very sick. Pass this tip on to your friends, too.” So, here, friends. Done.

Wonder Woman starts lassoing and pulling things out of peoples’ mouths to demonstrate her point.


I hope next week’s safety tip is about how you shouldn’t lasso and yank things out of people’s mouths.

Short Synopsis: I’m only into the second episode, but I’m sensing a pattern in the storylines – 1. Two Super Friends team up (Robin doesn’t count as one whole person) 2. Wonder Twins 3. Everyone lends a hand 4. Another pair, usually a guest hero. So, that means this is the Wonder Twins story.

At “Jungle World Zoo, visitors safely watch the wild animals.” These wild animals are clearly safely confined:

The tiger gets loose because he gently brushed his tail against the cage door. He looks as surprised as anyone.

I’m not sure how zoos work. Do they have Superintendents?
After the tiger escapes, we’re then shown that at the “Office of the Superintendent,”

some teenager, Susie, is being blamed for letting the tiger escape. The Superintendent says he should have never hired an incompetent teenager and that any damage done by the tiger will be her fault. She says the tiger will listen to her but the Superintendent will have none of it.

And we thought Susie was incompetent.
The tiger gets on a school bus. A teacher and an entire class file into the bus, and nobody notices the giant 650lb tiger sitting in the open back seat until everyone is sitting down.

Zan and Jayna see what’s happening, Jayna says she knows what to do, and then we cut to them at Susie’s house. They left an entire school bus of children with a tiger on it to go to Susie’s house. They tell Susie they need her help. “Gosh, we better hurry,” exclaims Susie. Oh, don’t be silly, Susie, they’re fine.

Hold up.  
Excuse me? What am I seeing with my eyeballs right here?

Zan DOESN’T have to transform into water every time Jayna switches to an animal? What the hell? So he just turns into water and jumps into a bucket to be carried by eagle Jayna for fun? What. a. perv.

And what’s this!? Now Zan is changing into an “ice toboggan.”

WHAT? That’s not water, that’s sporting equipment. So you use a word associated with water and it works? Like, “a refrigerator with an ICE dispenser!” and voila? You know, I’m starting to feel like maybe the writers haven’t thought this all through and that, perhaps, this is all a giant pile of bullshit.

Susie coaxes the tiger out of the school bus, where it steps on to the Zan toboggan, and then Gleek pulls the toboggan into the cage and everyone is safe again. Poor tiger, he didn’t get to eat even one child.

It’s De-Coder Time!
It’s that time again, boys and girls. This time, Batman and Robin will be providing the clue. They drive into the middle of a stadium during a track and field meet, “right on time for the ceremonies.”

“Holy de-coder, Batman, will there be time for us to give out the big city track awards and give the first clue to the secret code word?” – Robin.

Oh, shut up, we all know you’re sooooo busy.

The first clue is the first three letters of the name of the objects they’re handling right now. My guess for the code word is “Medication.” We’ll see.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline D – “The Secret Four”

Original Airdate: September 17, 1977

Short Synopsis: We open at the Metropolis Industrial Center, where a multi-million dollar oil refinery has just been completed. Suddenly, the ground splits open, sucking in several vats/structures, then seals itself closed again, contributing to the confusion of East Coast children in the 70s about what actually happens during an earthquake.

Then, four glowing disembodied heads show up, floating over where the refinery used to be. “Beware, this is only the first. The Secret Four has spoken.”

I’ve already got a clue about the identities of The Secret Four – there isn’t a good communicator or writer among them.

They want to force people to use alternate forms of fuel so we don’t deplete our natural resources.

Superman decides this is a job for Superman, Batman, and Robin.

The Secret Four
The Secret Four live in what looks like a Haunted Mansion.

The Secret Four wear their burkha-Snuggies even when they are meeting by themselves in the privacy of their Haunted Mansion.

The Secret Four like to announce ahead of time, in front of God, Super Friends, and everyone, what their next target will be. They announce that “a train, carrying millions of gallons of oil” will be next. The Secret Fours’ identities are secret, but their menacing schemes are not.

The Secret Four then say dumb-ass things like “The Super Friends must learn not to interfere with us…” after they have made a public announcement describing what they are going to do.

WTF Screenshots
This man was so worried, his eyebrows disappeared and then reappeared.

Here’s Batman and Robin being carried off in a big pink tornado. This is how The Secret Four manage to take B&R prisoner.

It was an expensive investment, but worth it.
When The Secret Four get Batman and Robin back to the Haunted Mansion, they explain that B&R shouldn’t bother trying to escape because B&R are in a jail cell, stuck on a platform, and “the floor below you is rigged to fall open at the slightest touch, dropping you both down into a natural pool of boiling tar.”

I know what you’re thinking, but you’d be surprised. It is actually a great investment. The top three renovations you can do to your home which will create the highest profit margins after sale are 1. kitchen, 2. bathrooms, 3. jail cells with rigged floors that fall open to natural pools of boiling tar.

While The Secret Four may make a killing on resale, they didn’t think to check Batman and Robin for suction boots, so they’re shit out of luck for the immediate future.

Who Are The Secret Four?
I know you’ve been dying to find out. Well, you’re not going to believe it!

It’s the industrialists from the beginning of the episode!!!!! Who are the industrialists at the beginning of the episode? Oh, sorry, I didn’t think they were important enough to get a screen shot. Let me just go back…and…here you go:

YES! It was totally them, all along! They didn’t have any lines and just stood around at the refinery opening. Can you believe it!? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I’ll never be the same again.

Yes, Superman just patted Batman on the head like a dog.
“And that’s the last I want to see of hooded figures, except for my good trusty hooded super-friend.”

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.