Tag: Old Vintage Retro Stuff

1979 Sears Wishbook – Silky PJs for your disco key swapping parties.

I was looking around wishbookweb.com, which I love to do a disturbing amount, and decided to flip through the 1979 Sears Wishbook. Here’s some of the things I found:

Orgy Matching PJs
I don’t care how innocent and out-of-the-gutter your mind is, there’s no way you see this picture of two couples in matching-but-different-color silk pajamas and NOT assume they are all going to have sex together.

 

 

 

 

 

Bully and Victim

Don’t these two look like the nerdy hero lead of a 1980s movie and his bully? If only both of them knew when they get home from school they put on the same robe, maybe that’d change everything.

 

 

 

 

 

Check out this super creepy Santa:

Creepy Santa

Did people seriously wear “Twas the Night Before Christmas” nightcaps even in the late 1970s?

Nightcaps

Flattering

In most of the menswear pictures, the guys all have one of their hands clenched like they’re holding something. My theory is that they’re cyanide pills and that no male models made it out of the photoshoot alive.

Cyanide Pills

Did you think Snuggies were something new? You were so wrong.

They are LITERALLY wearing their ugly-ass comforters. They have snaps that "envelop" you in a horrible 70s comforter blob monster.
They are LITERALLY wearing their ugly-ass comforters. They have snaps that “envelop” you in a horrible 70s comforter blob monster.
Sears casual clothes make you so casual, you will only seem mildly amused that you are being approached by a giant crotch.
Sears casual clothes make you so casual, you will only be mildly amused that you are being approached by a giant crotch.

Hey, kids, what do you think of Winnie the Pooh?!

Hate Winnie the Pooh

And, lastly, on a VERY serious note – PLEASE SOMEONE FIND ME EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE WALL CLOCKS:

Wall Clocks

I Love-Hate You, Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is a bunch of glorious bullshit. It is so corporate, sponsors sponsor sponsors – “The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade brought to you by NBC presents the cast of Annie courtesy of McDonalds.” That’s really not an exaggeration.

It’s awful. I watch it every year and love each terrible minute. Why? I’m not sure. It’s cheesy. It’s a wall to wall advertisement save for the occasional school band or cheerleading squad. Why would anyone want to watch it?  It’s tradition. Tradition is a very powerful lure. But, more than that, I kinda like watching people sell their souls. I know that makes me sound like a terrible person and I don’t  have any response to that. There’s just something about a musician who wants to be taken seriously as an artist having to lip sync a cheesy song on the Build-A-Bear parade float while a bunch of furries cavort about that warms my heart. And also listening to the absolute bollocks river of banter and product placements that the hosts have to vomit out of their Turkey day mouths. Real example: “”Hamburger Helper gives us a float to remember.” They had to say that!

Because this isn’t at all scary.

And let’s not forget the balloons! I can’t see the giant balloons without remembering the scene in the 1989 Batman movie where the Joker tries to kill the entire city with poisoned giant parade balloons. I don’t hope that this happens at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. But, I don’t want to miss it if it does.

Another game I like to play is “What Will be the Most Embarrassing Clip to Watch in Ten Years Time.” The possibilities are endless! Here’s some examples (people with heart conditions, sense of decency, or allergies to train wrecks should not watch) they are really bad quality, too, just to add to the mood:

I wrote the thing about The Joker BEFORE I found this clip.

Let’s remember: someone had to actually write this song, then she had to learn it, then she had to pre-record it, then she had to learn dance moves to it.

Remember when Victoria Jackson seemed sane riding around on a giant snail? Also, Phyllis Diller, RIP, this is EXACTLY how one should behave performing in this parade. I’m serious.

Jordan Knight of NKOTB gives up on lip synching about halfway through (unless one of the other New Kids sings that line, I bet someone knows! Show yourself!). I also LOVE that Donnie looks positively delighted that children have no food to eat or a place to go.

There’s a very good chance I will be live-tweeting this marvelous event, so please stop by and laugh at things with me: @cannibal_nerd

The 1972 Sears Wishbook – Fun Bags should not be marketed to kids.

I was looking around wishbookweb.com, which I love to do a disturbing amount, and decided to flip through the 1972 Sears Wishbook. Here’s some of the things I found:

All I can think of when I see this picture is that she really needs help with her OCD.

Get your footie pajamas with button up polo shirt and pullover hot pink dress right here! If your house catches on fire and you escape to the lawn, the neighbors will wonder how you got dressed so fast!
She laughs! She turns her head! She cries! She kills your whole family! Tender Lovin’ Ax sold separately.
Are they conjoined twins? What the hell is going on here?

I was a child of the 1980s (commercialism).

I was over at Studio30 Plus looking at their writing prompts, and one was “share a favorite childhood memory.” I thought to myself, “I had a childhood! I have memories! I can do this!”

So, I decided to flip through my childhood photo albums for inspiration and to maybe jog my weird memory organ (brain) into remembering something that would make for an interesting post. You know, a great story about how a day with my grandpa fishing at the lake taught me a lesson about always looking both ways before you cross the street. Something fun and relatable and narrative-y.

No. What happened was I flipped through the photo albums, soaking in the 1980s goodness, and forgot about that special memory I was supposed to be pulling from them. In and of itself, basking in the neon glow of the 1980s is in fact a favorite childhood memory. So, come with me on a journey through the Me Decade by looking at pictures of, well, me.

I was born in 1977, so the ages of 3-13, the real meaty part of childhood, were all in the 80s. And, you can tell. I’m not sure I could be more of an 80s kid:

This is my fourth birthday party. It was Super Friends-themed. I still have a great fondness for the Super Friends but in a more sarcastic smart ass way than when I was a kid. I adored Wonder Woman. You can see the cake back there on the table.

There’s several pictures of me opening gifts at this birthday party, all 80s-licious. This one is my favorite – here’s me with some Star Wars underoos. Underoos were the best.

Here I am opening my stocking on Christmas. I’ve just pulled out a Hot Wheels General Lee from The Dukes of Hazzard. I LOVED The Dukes of Hazzard. My mom plays dumb these days and claims she doesn’t remember me ever watching the show. My mom is not senile, so she’s lying. Mom, you’re a liar! I watched it every week and you know it. P.S. I had no idea about the Confederate flag back then. I kinda had to un-learn that it was a decoration on the top of the Duke boys’ car. I almost want to say that it’s too bad that The Dukes of Hazzard is sullied by the inclusion of the Confederate flag in the series, but that’s implying that it otherwise would be some kind of masterpiece. I’m getting way off topic now. Moving on.

Up through age four, I really loved a variety of things. Then, I became more lame and embraced more girly stuff that I was supposed to. I mean, not that I didn’t love stuff like Strawberry Shortcake, because I did, because hello? look at that birthday cake, but I look back on this stuff and think it’s funny that I liked so much “girl stuff” considering I have really never been and am not “girly.” Having said that, I was all about Strawberry Shortcake for a year or two.

Then, it was Care Bears. Good God I loved Care Bears. I think it has a lot to do with categorization – this bear is this color, has this on it’s tummy, and represents this “thing.” So easy! I also have a real “collect them all” problem, too, and Care Bears is custom built for that weakness. My sister is the cutie on the right.

Rainbow Brite, yo. I don’t have much to say about Rainbow Brite, I just wanted to show this picture because I think my sister’s expression is funny. My theory is that she’s making that face because that’s actually HER Rainbow Brite doll I’m holding up for a picture (this was later confirmed by my sister).

Last but not least, here’s one of my most favorite possessions of all time. My Walkman. An introvert’s best friend. So. many. tapes. Tapes and tapes and tapes. Mix tapes, storybook tapes (at the sound of the tone, turn the page), pop music, oh it was just the best. And I probably ruined my hearing with it. Worth it.

What were your favorite possessions from childhood?

 

Pictures from the beach, which means no shots of the ocean or sand, obviously.

We had a great week at the beach last week. Here’s just a few pictures from the trip, which really don’t have anything to do with the actual beach, of course.

But I’m afraid of what will happen if I don’t.
Calm down proud mama, the girl’s wearing swimmies, not accepting a PhD.
Who names a dog grooming business this? You do understand the kind of services I think you’ll provide to my dog, don’t you?
There was what I can only assume is a ‘Funny Farm’ fan at the putt putt place.

There’s a lot going on here. First, I didn’t know Stevie Nicks is a mermaid. Second, I hope her spine wasn’t too injured from what seems to be a terrible body-twisting accident and that the fluid build-up in her too-long left arm goes down. Third, someone please paint a more supportive shell bikini top on her. I’ve read most women don’t know their own correct bra size, obviously it’s not much different in the mermaid community.