Prized Possessions Vol 1. – ALF

As I unpack our boxes of crap, I get to uncover some of the treasures I’ve had hidden away for years because that’s how long we tried to sell our stupid last house. Many of these things just aren’t things that lend well to “staging” – the art of making your house look nothing like the house you live in.

Today’s entry, well, I think I’m kind of opening too big. I’m sure Survivor doesn’t play “Eye of the Tiger” as their first song in concert and I probably shouldn’t be presenting this masterpiece right off the bat, but it’s the thing that got unpacked first so there you go.

About eight years ago Tom, our friend Dave, and I (and I think my sister was there too but I’m not 100% sure) went to the old Lakewood Flea Market in Atlanta. One of the many types of booths or dealers you find at flea markets are toy/pop culture dealers. They’ve got things like old Batman dolls and character glasses you could find at McDonald’s (also known as Carrie and Tom’s Fine China):


You know, important stuff.

As I was looking at the uber-expensive toys from the 70s and 80s, I glanced over and saw this wonder:

This isn't a very good picture. I would say it doesn't do it justice, but...
This isn’t a very good picture. I would say it doesn’t do it justice, but…

That’s an ALF planter/vase. A homemade** ALF planter. On the bottom it’s signed “Joanne.” Joanne loved ALF so much that she created this perfect work of art to immortalize her affinity for the cat eating, wise-cracking, furry alien from the 1980s sitcom of the same name (ALF). She painted it, glazed it, baked it, and then took it home and admired it until she presumably didn’t like ALF anymore and then somehow it ended up at a flea market, waiting for someone else to love it as much as Joanne originally did.*

It was ten dollars, and I had ten dollars.

I haven’t quite decided where I’m going to put him, yet, but it will be a place of prominence and honor. I need to really lay the groundwork for presenting him as a priceless heirloom for future generations to fight over once I’m gone. I think I’ll start saying it brings good luck, maybe randomly leaving money in it for people to find. Or I’ll tell them that a President sent it to me after I wrote him suggesting some policy changes that nobody had thought of before. I WILL NOT LET ALF PLANTER SUFFER THE SAME FATE AS HIS TENURE WITH JOANNE.

Come to think of it, there’s a lot of stuff I own that I’m going to have to work really hard at grafting value onto so that all of my treasures don’t become Joanned – that’s right, it’s a verb now.

More of those to come.

*all speculation

**I think it’s a pre-made figurine that’s been incorporated into a larger piece. Yes, I tried to research it.

UPDATE: Robin, who is an infinitely better googler than me (because she actually looked at the web results and not just the image results) has FOUND ANOTHER! It’s like the Leia to my Luke! So now we know there are at least two in existence. I don’t know what to do with this information but there it is. Unfortunately the discussion doesn’t mention a signature on the bottom so I don’t know if I’ve invented this Joanne to be mad at or if that’s the name of a company.

21 thoughts on “Prized Possessions Vol 1. – ALF”

    1. OHHHHH MYYY GOOOOOODDD! How did you find that!? I looked through Google images and it didn’t pop up. I wish they said if it was signed on the bottom. Thank you for sharing – now I’m even more intrigued…

      1. Google search (web, not image) for “Alf vase,” and it came up on the first page of results. I thought the same thing, SO hoping it was signed by JoAnn!

  1. Did you see the link above where someone commented that it is probably a pencil holder? You need to put this on your desk and put all of your favorite pens in it!

    And I am sure that when your kids come along, they will no doubt inherently know the extreme value of such a prized family heirloom. They will fight over it at the reading of your will. There is no question.

  2. Not true! When artists make their portfolio, they always START and END on a big note. So you’re doing it right. Promise.


  3. While normally I’d be jealous of such a possession, my love for ALF was forever tainted at a Halloween dance I attended in 6th grade.

    There, I was asked to slow dance by a mysterious boy dressed in full ALF costume. I agreed, but as we swayed back and forth to the music playing in the auditorium, I couldn’t help thinking this stranger with amazing taste in television sitcoms would bear my future children. (To be fair, I didn’t take sex-ed until gr. 7.)

    That is until the end of the night (afternoon), when he took off the head of his costume and I realized that ALF was actually my first cousin.

  4. I used to have those McDonald’s glasses. I think they ended up given away. My mother was infamous for that.

    I am a little in love with your Alf planter/pencil holder/awesome thingamabobber, and I like to imagine you contemplating it happily in your home. It seems kind of perfect for you. Bad move to get rid of that, Joanne.

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