Month: March 2012

The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep2B

Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline B – “Tiger on the Loose”

Original Airdate: September 17, 1977

Safety First!
Before we begin our loose tiger adventure, Wonder Woman has some safety tips she’d like us all to be aware of. “A lot of times when we’re not thinking about what we’re doing, we put things in our mouths and chew on them. It’s a habit almost everybody has. Lots of things around the house and yard that kids put in their mouths can make them very sick. Pass this tip on to your friends, too.” So, here, friends. Done.

Wonder Woman starts lassoing and pulling things out of peoples’ mouths to demonstrate her point.


I hope next week’s safety tip is about how you shouldn’t lasso and yank things out of people’s mouths.

Short Synopsis: I’m only into the second episode, but I’m sensing a pattern in the storylines – 1. Two Super Friends team up (Robin doesn’t count as one whole person) 2. Wonder Twins 3. Everyone lends a hand 4. Another pair, usually a guest hero. So, that means this is the Wonder Twins story.

At “Jungle World Zoo, visitors safely watch the wild animals.” These wild animals are clearly safely confined:

The tiger gets loose because he gently brushed his tail against the cage door. He looks as surprised as anyone.

I’m not sure how zoos work. Do they have Superintendents?
After the tiger escapes, we’re then shown that at the “Office of the Superintendent,”

some teenager, Susie, is being blamed for letting the tiger escape. The Superintendent says he should have never hired an incompetent teenager and that any damage done by the tiger will be her fault. She says the tiger will listen to her but the Superintendent will have none of it.

And we thought Susie was incompetent.
The tiger gets on a school bus. A teacher and an entire class file into the bus, and nobody notices the giant 650lb tiger sitting in the open back seat until everyone is sitting down.

Zan and Jayna see what’s happening, Jayna says she knows what to do, and then we cut to them at Susie’s house. They left an entire school bus of children with a tiger on it to go to Susie’s house. They tell Susie they need her help. “Gosh, we better hurry,” exclaims Susie. Oh, don’t be silly, Susie, they’re fine.

Hold up.  
Excuse me? What am I seeing with my eyeballs right here?

Zan DOESN’T have to transform into water every time Jayna switches to an animal? What the hell? So he just turns into water and jumps into a bucket to be carried by eagle Jayna for fun? What. a. perv.

And what’s this!? Now Zan is changing into an “ice toboggan.”

WHAT? That’s not water, that’s sporting equipment. So you use a word associated with water and it works? Like, “a refrigerator with an ICE dispenser!” and voila? You know, I’m starting to feel like maybe the writers haven’t thought this all through and that, perhaps, this is all a giant pile of bullshit.

Susie coaxes the tiger out of the school bus, where it steps on to the Zan toboggan, and then Gleek pulls the toboggan into the cage and everyone is safe again. Poor tiger, he didn’t get to eat even one child.

It’s De-Coder Time!
It’s that time again, boys and girls. This time, Batman and Robin will be providing the clue. They drive into the middle of a stadium during a track and field meet, “right on time for the ceremonies.”


“Holy de-coder, Batman, will there be time for us to give out the big city track awards and give the first clue to the secret code word?” – Robin.

Oh, shut up, we all know you’re sooooo busy.

The first clue is the first three letters of the name of the objects they’re handling right now. My guess for the code word is “Medication.” We’ll see.

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.

Updated: We Thought the Owl Covered in Blood May be Injured but it Turns Out He’s a Messy Eater

Spoiler alert: there is a picture of animal bones and a distant picture of a disembodied leg. These are owls we’re talking about.

We’ve had a couple of owls living on our little street (a cul de sac with just six houses). They’ve been hooting away during the day and night for several months. That’s not all they’ve been doing, either.

This morning Tom and our neighbors, David, Betsy, and Roger (Betsy and Roger are married) found a surprise in the middle of our cul-de-sac. I was sleeping at the time, as I’m not currently a responsible, contributing member of society. So, rather than re-hash all of this in my own words, particularly since I wasn’t there and don’t deserve to pretend to be, here’s the baby owl’s story as told through Facebook posts.

First, David posted a picture of the owl:

Tom posted a video of him:

And Betsy updated her status and explained what the owl-helpers told her:

And, of course I wanted to see owl pellets. So, I headed over to Betsy’s driveway, where she told her son he could “keep” them (the same place he found them). We all know owls are bad mother-shut-my-mouths, but as we looked at one pellet, then found another, and then another, we slowly realized we were standing below their nest, and let me tell you, I am glad I’m not a mouse. Or a bird. Or a chipmunk. Or a rabbit.

 

I said, “It’s a spine!” When we looked at the first owl pellet.
But it looks like it was actually a foot.
Betsy started yelling “IT’S A LEG! IT’S A LEG!” before I even saw it.

Seriously, y’all, they sit up in their nest of horror and drop animal body parts over the side.*

Betsy also told me that the raptor rescuer said that while the babe’s blood was from breakfast, he DID have fly eggs on him, which, if hatched could cause maggots, which would then have caused his death. So, he had several baths at the rescue place, and they will let him dry overnight and will bring him back tomorrow. Hopefully there won’t be any issue and he’ll be welcomed back with open wings and the slaughter can begin again (they eat up to 10 mice a day). So, yay for Betsy and the Chattahoochee Nature Center for preventing what sounds like a pretty horrible maggot-related death.

This is the picture Tom took of him when he first found him. Even as a relatively helpless birdie, he looks pretty intimidating – look at those talons!

*I’m kidding, owls! I love you. Please don’t hurt me.

Update: My title was a lie! This morning, the raptor lady came in to check on baby owl (I keep wanting to nickname him “bowel” but that’s not right), and he had blood on him again. After another thorough pat down, she discovered three puncture wounds on his inner thigh. So, he’ll stay with them while he’s on some antibiotics and will be returned after the wound is in the clear.

She thinks the cause of the injury was that his parents stepped on him. I would go over and lecture up at the nest about them needing to be more careful with their babies, but I’m afraid they’ll toss a squirrel head over the side at me and I know I wouldn’t recover from a trauma like that.

The theory is that the wound made him tip forward when he ate, so he would fall in his bloody food, which explains why he looked like Stephen King’s Carrie at the prom. That would also explain why he’s all hunched over in the scary pictures of him.

Update 7/24/12 – I’ve noticed this post has gotten some traffic lately. I feel like I should complete the story even though it’s a sad one. The baby owl passed away a few days after I posted this. I was so bummed about it I didn’t have the heart to write about it.

He died from rat poisoning. A rat must have ingested rat poisoning, and then the baby owl and the rest of his family probably caught and ate that rat. Most likely they all died as all owl sounds in the neighborhood ceased shortly after we found the baby.

Rat poison is serious, serious business. It doesn’t just kill rats – putting it out is a risk for many animals, including pets. The irony is that the rat poison killed one of nature’s best pest controls. Such a shame.

To the Person Who Left the Helpful Tip on a Napkin Under My Windshield Wiper

Dear Person Who Left the Helpful Tip on a Napkin Under My Windshield Wiper,

First, I am nothing if not fair and honest. I agree – I could have parked better. My parking job was not to my normal standards. My back wheel was on the line, maybe even a half an inch over. If I had known, I assure you, I would have backed up and tried again. I won’t write a public letter to you and not admit that your note wasn’t entirely unjustified. And, since you don’t know me and my nitpick-y parking jobs 99.9% of the time, I understand why you didn’t go for the more accurate “LEARN TO CHECK AND SEE IF YOU DID A GOOD PARKING JOB.” Regardless, I’m sure it made it slightly more difficult for you to back out of your space. So, on the point that I didn’t park perfectly, we are in agreement.

We are also in agreement about how delicious Chick-fil-A is. That was where the napkin on which you composed your corrective prose was written was from. I like to get the number 5 with a sweet tea. That’s two things we can agree on – Chik-fil-A is yummy and I could have parked better.


I see that on both sides, you struggled to make your pen work. I must admit, the thought of you, fuming, standing over my car, napkin on my hood, swirling your pen angrily, trying to get it to do your bidding, amuses me. I’m assuming you wouldn’t risk scratching your own car angrily swirling away at a flimsy napkin. Or, maybe you did it in your car, in the driver’s seat. Maybe you accidentally honked your own horn a little. That’s even better if that was the case.

I have a couple suggestions – if this was truly a call to action, you should have left the contact information to a local parking school (do those exist?). Or, maybe a nice drawing demonstrating the proper way to park, although I do understand that that was probably impossible considering your ink flow problems. “LEARN TO PARK” is a request, but if you really want to empower me to LEARN TO PARK, a little guidance would be appreciated. Luckily, I do know how to park, and this was just a fluke, so your helpful note could simply serve as a reminder to stay vigilant, or face the wrath of future napkin notes.

Finally, I’d like to make one more point. We were both parked in a hospital parking garage. I had just come back from a gastroenterologist appointment. So, unfortunately, if you were hoping that I would read your note and start crying from embarrassment and humiliation, dabbing my tears with the very napkin that held the stinging message, that did not happen. I already reached my daily limit in the embarrassment department at my appointment. But, that’s really not the point I’m trying to make.

The point I want to make is this: you left your note on the car of a healthy sarcastic blogger who parked bad because she was panicked because she was late (also something I rarely do), but it could have been different. You could have left your note on the car of someone who had just found out they had cancer. You could have left the note on the car of someone who rushed to the hospital because their loved one was in an accident. You could have left your note on the car of a couple who had just lost their baby from a miscarriage. You don’t know. And you know what? I don’t know, either. Maybe you were one of the three examples I just gave, and my parking job was the straw that broke the camel’s back. If that’s the case, I’m sorry.

However, I’d just like to say that I don’t leave notes like the one you did because of everything I mentioned in this letter. Do I drive past a double-parker and assume they are a jackass? Yes. And you know what? If they really are a jackass, they don’t give a shit about any notes pointing out their jackassery. And, if they’re not a jackass, they’re probably having a bad day. The chances that you would actually be enlightening someone who honestly doesn’t know they park bad and would be relieved to be told about it are probably less than the chances of winning the lottery.

All of that is to say: if you are the type to leave obnoxious notes for obnoxious parkers, just don’t do it at the hospital.

Sincerely,
Carrie

P.S. Just yesterday, I was lamenting my lack of blogging material, and Tom told me I needed to leave the house more. So I guess I also owe you a “thank you.” If we ever meet at a Chik-fil-A, waffle fries are on me.

I Knew That Looked Familiar

If you watch The Walking Dead, you know that a mysterious hooded figure with two zombies chained to her showed up at the end of the season finale:

You might have been thinking to yourself, “that looks really familiar, I’ve seen that before, somewhere, but for some reason, when I think about the other place I’ve seen it, I feel the need for a peppermint.” That is completely normal. What you are thinking of is my favorite figurine ever, of which I wrote a blog post about when I was the only one who saw my blog:

It’s exactly the same! Except, instead of a katana sword, she has a giant candy cane, and instead of zombies, she has lil santas. And, after thinking long and hard about it, I STILL think my figurine is creepier. However, with a little magic, I think this probably puts the Walking Dead image in first place:

P.S. If you would like to learn more about my weird lady with two chained Santas figurine, here is the original post.

The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep2A

Season 2, Episode 1, Storyline D – “The Secret Four”

Original Airdate: September 17, 1977

Short Synopsis: We open at the Metropolis Industrial Center, where a multi-million dollar oil refinery has just been completed. Suddenly, the ground splits open, sucking in several vats/structures, then seals itself closed again, contributing to the confusion of East Coast children in the 70s about what actually happens during an earthquake.

Then, four glowing disembodied heads show up, floating over where the refinery used to be. “Beware, this is only the first. The Secret Four has spoken.”

I’ve already got a clue about the identities of The Secret Four – there isn’t a good communicator or writer among them.

They want to force people to use alternate forms of fuel so we don’t deplete our natural resources.

Superman decides this is a job for Superman, Batman, and Robin.

The Secret Four
The Secret Four live in what looks like a Haunted Mansion.

The Secret Four wear their burkha-Snuggies even when they are meeting by themselves in the privacy of their Haunted Mansion.

The Secret Four like to announce ahead of time, in front of God, Super Friends, and everyone, what their next target will be. They announce that “a train, carrying millions of gallons of oil” will be next. The Secret Fours’ identities are secret, but their menacing schemes are not.

The Secret Four then say dumb-ass things like “The Super Friends must learn not to interfere with us…” after they have made a public announcement describing what they are going to do.

WTF Screenshots
This man was so worried, his eyebrows disappeared and then reappeared.

Here’s Batman and Robin being carried off in a big pink tornado. This is how The Secret Four manage to take B&R prisoner.

It was an expensive investment, but worth it.
When The Secret Four get Batman and Robin back to the Haunted Mansion, they explain that B&R shouldn’t bother trying to escape because B&R are in a jail cell, stuck on a platform, and “the floor below you is rigged to fall open at the slightest touch, dropping you both down into a natural pool of boiling tar.”

I know what you’re thinking, but you’d be surprised. It is actually a great investment. The top three renovations you can do to your home which will create the highest profit margins after sale are 1. kitchen, 2. bathrooms, 3. jail cells with rigged floors that fall open to natural pools of boiling tar.


While The Secret Four may make a killing on resale, they didn’t think to check Batman and Robin for suction boots, so they’re shit out of luck for the immediate future.

Who Are The Secret Four?
I know you’ve been dying to find out. Well, you’re not going to believe it!

It’s the industrialists from the beginning of the episode!!!!! Who are the industrialists at the beginning of the episode? Oh, sorry, I didn’t think they were important enough to get a screen shot. Let me just go back…and…here you go:

YES! It was totally them, all along! They didn’t have any lines and just stood around at the refinery opening. Can you believe it!? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I’ll never be the same again.

Yes, Superman just patted Batman on the head like a dog.
“And that’s the last I want to see of hooded figures, except for my good trusty hooded super-friend.”

If you would like to see these shenanigans for yourself, Season 2 is available on DVD.