I went to the doctor recently for a yearly check-up. First of all, I learned I was 1 and 1/4 inch taller than I thought I was. Now my driver’s license has a big fat lie on it and there’s been so many things I thought I couldn’t reach and didn’t bother to try, now only to find out I should have.
That was the GOOD news to come of the appointment. I also figured I’d kill two doctor appointments with one stone and get my stupid pap smear over with. Yay! The mention of a pap smear! Trust me, I’m right there with you. But, the two things I heard the doctor mutter that day were so hilarious and horrific that they warrant documentation. Sparing you every detail, I present, the two things any woman who takes herself too seriously should hear:
1. “I can’t find your uterus.”
2. “I’m going to need some assistance.” (Gets up and cracks the door) “AMANDA! Could you come in here please?”
After Amanda arrived, with a flashlight, I guess, the doctor then completed the following SAT analogy question:
The Holy Grail : The Fountain of Youth ::
a. wallet : money
b. car : television
c. keys : uterus
“Never mind, I found it.”
I’m picturing him going in with a miner’s helmet and a GPS. Those pesky uteruses! (or is it uteri?) Always runnin’ off the second you turn your back!
I only have one wily uterus, so luckily I don’t need to know the plural. My guess is uteren, but since there’s a red squiggly line under it right now, I must have guessed wrong. Oh, and the doctor was a lay-day. My uterus is THAT wily.
wow…I can’t imagine hearing anything worse when I am naked from the waste down with my feet in stirrups!
Exactly. It’s the whole reason one is in that predicament – if I’d known things had gone missing, I wouldn’t have bothered.
Oh my! Might be time to find a new doctor?! Since when do you need to find a uterus for a pap smear? (And pretty sure you can’t see it by just peering in there while feet are in stirrups. Even with a headlamp).
Hmmm. Now I’m wondering if maybe I just wandered into the wrong offices and they tried to humor me.